#Taejin | But I Still Want You

Chapter 38: Stargazing

After Hoseok and Ji-eun left that afternoon, Seokjin had to do some work in the study, while Taehyung lounged and watched Netflix in the living room. The weather was good tonight, no clouds in the sky, and the air was cool. Seokjin peeked out of the window, then got out of the study and grabbed two thick coats from the hallway coat storage.

"Let's go!" He handed one to Taehyung.

"Where are we going?" He stood up from the sofa.

"A date. With me." He wrapped his hands around Taehyung's slender waist. "Unless you don't want to..."

"I—--I want to..."

Seokjin smiled. That was all he wanted to hear from Taehyung. That he also wanted the same. He pulled him closer and then kissed Tae deeply.

They walked into the garage and Seokjin got into his Porsche.

"We drive this?!" Taehyung's eyes widened and his lips curved into a smile.

"No. I drive, you watch."

He sulked. "I guess I have to afford one myself. My boyfriend is stingy."

"You have a boyfriend now?" Seokjin hid his smile and calmly drove the car out of the garage.

Oh damn! Taehyung gritted his teeth and fell silent. Argh! His stupid tongue!

He gulped and hoped Seokjin would forget that. He felt embarrassed for saying that, for wishing that. They just—-JUST!—-started things again [MAYBE!!] and Taehyung still had no idea where he stood right now, or what Seokjin wanted from him. He let out a deep sigh and averted his gaze outside the window to pretend to see the view.

"You want me to open the roof?"

Taehyung shook his head weakly. His mood dropped and his body slumped in his seat. He felt weak. He wanted Seokjin this time. All of him. For real. Forever! Could he ask, though? Or should he wait and let Seokjin decide whatever for both of them?

They drove mostly in silence. Seokjin let Taehyung be. He knew Tae needed to think it through.

After about 1 hour, they arrived at a hill on the outskirts of Seoul, where the city light didn't pollute the sky.

"We're here."

"Huh?" Taehyung sat straight. He still had no idea where they were or what they were going to do in a dark place like this.

Seokjin opened the car roof and leaned his seat backward to a lying position. "Look!" He pointed up to the sky. "The Milkyway looks so clear from here." He said. There was no moon tonight, so the sky was darker and they could see the stars and galaxies clearer.

"Oooh...." He finally realized what Seokjin tried to show him, then also leaned his seat.

"It's beautiful!" He said. "How do you know this kind of place?"

"I used to drive aimlessly at night, and one night I stumbled across this place." Seokjin stopped. "It's so peaceful here. You can think and contemplate things with a clear mind."

They went silent for a moment, absorbing the majesty of the universe and the serene surroundings. Feeling the soft and chill breeze on their skin. Listening to the sound of nature. Seokjin closed his eyes.

"Seokjin..."

"Huh?"

"Who is Kim Eunseo?"

Seokjin opened his eyes and let out a small chuckle. Taehyung apparently had dug things about him and maybe connected the dots. "He was my boyfriend."

Taehyung pressed his lips. He had a guess, but a fang of jealousy still stung him. "Tell me about him." He asked.

Seokjin was silent for seconds before he finally said. "He was so bright and full of life...... Like you." Then just stopped right there.

"That's why you're interested in me, because I'm like him?"

"No—-you two are totally different! He was an open book, while you are a conundrum for me. But both of you had the same adventurous spirit, the thing that my-boring-self is always fascinated by. A nerd like me who does everything by the book is always attracted to bad boys like you, I guess."

"So, I'm a bad boy?"

"I didn't mean that in a bad light."

"What else? About Kim Eunseo."

"What have you read on the internet, Tae? Which part do you want to know?"

"Remember our first date at the museum, when you stared at a picture of a scuba diver? I read that he died of a cardiac arrest in a diving accident ...." Taehyung talked slowly. Seokjin was still silent. "I'm—-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to pry into your grief... Forget what I said."

"We were diving together. I, Eunseo, and Ji-eun, while Namjoon hyung stayed on the boat...." He paused. "When the deep-current dragged us farther down, some jellyfish's tentacles got stuck on Eunseo's exposed skin and tangled up on his face and neck. But Ji-eun also drifted down fast. I had to choose quickly between them.... So I grabbed the closest one to me and pulled her up to the surface. Ji-eun wasn't a professional diver...." Seokjin took a deep breath. "I dove back to fetch Eunseo, but it was too late.... I couldn't save him..."

Taehyung looked at Seokjin with sad eyes. Did Seokjin blame himself? He couldn't even imagine how devastated he must be. "It—-it wasn't your fault... I think you already made the right choice...."

"I know..."

"How did you handle it?"

"Not well. I couldn't even attend his funeral back in Korea..."

"I'm so sorry, Baby." Taehyung reached out to him, caressed his face and kissed his temple.

"I'm okay now, Tae. It's been quite some time."

Then they went back silent.....

"Seokjinaa...."

"Huh?"

"I love you..."

Seokjin's eyes shot open.

"I love you so much..." Taehyung repeated.

Seokjin glanced at him and smiled. His baby finally said it out loud! He got up, reached for his face, and kissed him. "I love you, too, Tae..." His whisper was so soft and soothing. "I love you so very much, Baby...." He kissed him some more and caressed his cheeks.

"Would you like to start over with me?" Seokjin looked him in the eyes.

"Yeah.... I do...!" Taehyung nodded wholeheartedly. "I really do. For real now. Forever!"

Seokjin smiled. "My Baby..." He then kissed Taehyung affectionately and Tae reciprocated with the same abundant love for him.

"I love you!"

"I love you, too.... I love you like no other..." Taehyung's heart burst with so much happiness... and warmth... and love... He felt overwhelmed, his eyes were teary. Seokjin wiped it and kissed his forehead.

"I miss you so bad..." Taehyung searched for comfort in Seokjin's crook of the neck. Seokjin pulled him tighter into his embrace.

"I miss you too, Baby..."

They comforted each other, shared some kisses, then hugged for a little while later until the sadness subsided and they both calmed down.

Taehyung pulled himself apart a few moments later and asked, "Should we consummate this car?"

Seokjin gasped. "What?!" His jaw dropped. "NOO, TAE!!! We won't have sex in my Porsche!!! You really ruin the mood."

Taehyung pouted and rolled his eyes. "Stingy!"

"Horndog!"

"Like you're not!"

Seokjin clicked his tongue. "I'm hungry. Let's just find something to eat."

"Look no further, I'm already here!"

"Taeee....!" He groaned.

*****