My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 3: Milk Cartons are Symbols for Society

THAT BITCH LEFT ME ON READ. It wasn't like I really cared anyway, it wasn't like I was having fun or anything. I was wary of this new recruit, idk if he was chronically online enough... I would have to ask him for his reddit or if he listened to Lemon Demon. Why did he leave all of a sudden? I thought that he seemed interested in my movement; I guess he had qualms.

I debated whether to kill someone, a corrupt political figure ofc, or to live stream to my fans. As I was pondering this decision, I decided to create a poll and let my followers decide. I typed up a quick tweet with a poll attached. I love Twitter. It was another one of my many hobbies.

As I waited for the results of my poll, I decided to play with my rats and cut out pictures and newspaper clippings of the Batman. I was basically an extreme couponer but replaced the coupons with Batman's big buff arms. I hated him though. It wasn't like I craved motherly love and wanted to be held and cradled and told I am worth something... NOOOOOOOOOOO. I just hated him a lot, his arms were stupid.

I checked the poll again and had received many replies; I was a very popular twitter user. The majority of my oomfs chose a live stream. I knew they would want to hear me talk about the corruption of our city and see my pretty face. Sometimes I gave my followers what was called Special Song Time every time we reached a subgoal. Back in the orphanage I used to be a part of the choir. A little song boy who sang the church hymns... AVVVVVVVVVEE MARRRIIIIEEAAA. I was quite talented, I also specialized in bird calls and cruelty, like the orphanage physics teacher. She was a flapper in a past life and never seemed to let go of her time in the speakeasies. I began to set up for the stream. I walked into my secluded streaming room. I put on my mask and let the rats out. As I was setting up the camera, I noticed the bat symbol and hissed violently through my teethies. This stupid vigilante who thought he had the right impose justice and aid this corrupt socitey. UGH! I was starting to get angry... It made me think of church songs. I quickly decided the stream was going to be a Batman hunting one. I hoped to catch a glimpse of his buff arms (WHICH I HATED). I was going to expose him. I started the stream singing Halleluiah, if only that new recruit would join. I could have assuaged all his qualms, and it would have been a good experience for him in the community. DAMN.

Anyways I set out for Batman. The stream was going wild with bloodlust (and regular lust). Just as I got outside to start the chase, I realized I forgot my Guardian Dairy Relief Fast Acting Lactase, 360 Caplets, 9000 FCC Maximum Strength, Lactose Intolerance Pills, Lactase Enzyme Supplement (360 CT). I put the camera down and ran on all fours up the stairs to retrieve it. Then I set out sprinting on the streets of Gotham spitting at the pedestrians as I passed by, the corrupt ones ofc. I ran swiftly, stan Taylor, into a random trash can (la basura in Spanish). It was an accident, but I played it off. My followers ate it up and spammed pogchamps in the chat. It reminded me of the time in the orphanage when I fell down the trash chute. That was where I found my Riddler suit and befriended the rats. It was a corrupt trash chute. It reminded me of Bruce Wayne, an empty vessel filled with GARBAGE and privilege, and fueled my passion for exposing the corruption within the city.

I rushed around the city running towards where the Bat Symbol was last projected in the sky. Finding that cabrón wouldn't be too difficult. Besides, the official Sigma Male Test The Most Accurate 2022 Updated Quiz told me I was a mega sigma male, and you can't spell Batman without beta. I repeated those thoughts to the chat and they all began to spam "Get rekt!!!!!!!!!!".The stream was going great as I continued running, my followers updated me and gave me any hint they could, and I educated them of the corruption within Gotham. Midway through we hit a subgoal, so I sang them a sweet little choir tune, while doing it a man threw a shoe at me, corrupt bastard. I continued running then I heard the sounds of fighting and grunting a little far over. I knew I was close. Close to him, that sick bastard. I couldn't wait to see his buff arms, because I hated them so much.

I ducked behind the conner and positioned the camera to face the alleyway where I heard the noises. As I turned, I saw a glimpse of a black figure leaving the scene. The figure I instantly recognized as Batman, it had really big arms and reeked of renewal. I looked up as he shouted "PARKOUR" and leapt to the roof.

His buff arms gripped the roof as he pulled himself up and ran into the night. The stream was going WILD. Many with excitement and bloodlust coursing through their veins. Many were excited to have seen him, and others angry. Why didn't he stop or shout? I wondered why I didn't also; the truth is I was in AWE. His arms were just so BUFF, lovely, and made you feel like a little baby who needed to be held. When I looked at him I saw myself within those arms... IN LIKE A FIGHT OF COURSE. I didn't want to be held by him. He probably had cooties and I hated him, and he was gross. I quickly calmed the stream down and told them it was all pogchamp and part of my master plan. My followers were loyal.

I was so captivated by Vengeance's arms that I didn't even notice the sound of something clattering on the concrete as he pulled himself up. I couldn't go after him, of course, because I lacked upper body strength. The alley was dark, so I pulled out my flashlight to inspect the clue left behind. My face plummeted. I could barely hold the flashlight straight since my hand was quivering. A reminder of the horrors of my past made my grip tighten, knuckles turning white.

It was a milk carton. This was a sign of war. It had to be. The Batman must have known about my intolerance to lactose— he wanted to mock me. The only sound I could utter was a guttural scream. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Guardian Dairy Relief Fast Acting Lactase, 360 Caplets, 9000 FCC Maximum Strength, Lactose Intolerance Pills, Lactase Enzyme Supplement (360 CT), I took the entire box. I screamed in agony.

"NO NO NO NO.... NO! NO!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS WAS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!"

I collapsed to the ground in the dark alley, my flashlight and phone slipping out of my hands. I could only sob as the rage filled the blood in my veins. Vengeance had played a cruel and unusual joke on me. He was using my trauma to get into my head. It was a heinous crime. Once again I was that scared little choir boy staying behind as the other orphans enjoyed their frozen dairy treats from the ice cream truck.

When my sobs slowed and grew quieter, I suddenly heard notifications coming from my stream. I WAS STILL LIVE. I immediately began to panic. I thought of all the possible chat messages, all making fun of me. How could my followers see me in such a state? They needed a strong leader to take down Gotham. My breathing quickened, and I impulsively ended the stream without an explanation. For the first time I was actually hesitant to check all of my social media platforms. I could already see the trending tab on Twitter: "riddler /neg". I felt a cold fluid pooling around my knees. It was the milk. To make it worse, it was chocolate. Double whammy. I started to cry again, desperately grabbing all of my things and stumbling home, defeated.