My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 19: Milk Humidifier and Hallucinations

While some say the president should be more powerful than Congress because of national security concerns which require immediate action, a more powerful legislature would ensure that those responses are in line with the will of the people. F word. This was what I thought about while waiting in my cell. I was told to wait till the doctor would come get me; they told me I had punishment due. This did not align with the 14th Amendment under the due process clause. I was so good at AP (advanced placement) Government and Politics. It was the only class they taught at the orphanage besides physics. I was so good at it despite not paying attention half the time and was either plotting revenge on this corrupt city or playing Papa's Hot Doggeria. Supremacy clause.

Suddenly the door to my cell opened. It squeaked and creaked. I decided to call back, I let out a solid:

"Reeeeeeee."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

It was Crane.

Doctor Crane shouted at me some more as he entered the cell. I swore to God his shoes were so ugly. I might have worn crocs, but he wore HeyDudes. After I was done giving these corrupt b words a big knuckle sandwich (killing politicians in cruel and unusual ways), I would target anyone who didn't wear their crocs in sports mode next. He walked up to me, and his ugly ass shoes were STILL ugly. The closer he got the more disgusted I became. God he was such Zara website vibes. He walked over to this weirdly shaped machine and plugged it into the wall. He then walked over to a mini fridge in the corner of the room and grabbed...MILK???? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sworn enemy, C12H22O11.

"I'm sure you're familiar with this," he started, gesturing to the machine.

I shook my head. He didn't care to elaborate.

"Let's see what happens when I put 2% milk into this humidifier."

"2 PERCENT?! THAT'S LIKE 1 PERCENT PLUS 1!!!," I shrieked. This was so cruel and unusual. I thought about Brucie. He should have broken me out when he had the chance. Why did he leave me here?

"Don't worry, Edward. There's nothing to fear but fear itself!" he exclaimed, opening a briefcase, revealing a canister and a gas mask.

"You listen to Oingo Boingo too??" God of course he did. I wonder what his opinion on gay people was.

He put the gas mask on. "Of course I do!"

OH GOD! No wonder he wanted to make everyone's lives miserable.

"You're just as corrupt as the DMV! You don't even look like an actual crane." I spat back.

"What?... the DMV? Out of all the corruption that takes place within this city, you think the DMV is the worst? Isn't this like, your thing? Is this a riddle?"

"OH EM GEE! Don't even get me started, you fraudulent birdman. The amount of red tape?!?!?! The DMV is a special type of HELL. It is like a mini corporate OHIO distributed by the government (if you are not American just know Ohio sucks). Nothing brings together even the staunchest of enemies like a shared hatred of the DMV. You think you torture people? You think this is the worst moment of people's lives? NO! It's waiting five hours just to get a registration that then gets moved to the next day because the line took so long. This is why that furry shit Zootopia won that Oscar– not the hot fox or the Shakira feature– it was the most accurate portrayal of the DMV in cinematic history. That dumb sloth, yeah I wanna beat his ass..."