My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 7: Don't Lose Your Head

I began orchestrating my plan, fixing together a collar bomb and a remote control. I had originally planned to execute the D.A. later, but I was too angry to wait. Angry at my new recruit who could be Batman, angry at the world, angry at Renewal. I had Gil Colson unconscious and tied up in my apartment as I worked. He would be sent in a car to the funeral for the deceased mayor. And of course, I had to include some riddles and a livestream of the whole thing for my followers who never went outside to watch.

I got my cling wrap and mask ready for the livestream. Methodically, I wrapped the clingy plastic around my head. As I was getting ready, I remembered the new recruit's apology stream idea. It was brilliant. I needed to address my followers. This public execution would be a symbol to my followers that they could trust me to be their leader. I opened Twitch and started the stream.

"Hey riddlertrons, I know that things have been... difficult lately. Something of the lactose and a certain vigilante variety. I just wanted to let you know that there is no need to doubt my leadership. To prove it to you, my fans, our next victim will be executed right in front of Gotham's elite at the mayor's funeral".

I had cleverly used the district attorney to both release my rather homicidal urges after being left on read by xXDark_Knight_Emo_Lord_69Xx and earn the respect of my riddlertrons again. A ding from my phone brought me back into focus; I had a new text message from one of my followers. He had taken Mr. Coulson and put him in the car, on their way to the funeral. The preparations were almost complete. My lips curled into a devilish smile. If only I could see Gotham's terrified faces as the car burst through the building.

"The corruption in Gotham is like a disease– an infection. We are the cure. In a few moments, Gil Coulson, our unfortunate D.A., will be executed in the most public manner for his crimes against the very justice he is supposed to uphold".

Riddles ready, I used my phone to call the district attorney's phone, which was duct- taped to his hand. All I needed was for Batman to answer. My expectations were met– Vengeance was too predictable.

The first thing I noticed was the vigilante's eyes. It wasn't my intention; I had a job to do, but they were piercing behind his mask. The blue irises contrasted with his... eyeliner? I hadn't noticed it before; I had to scan his waterline to confirm it. Why did I feel so warm so suddenly? Had I forgotten to turn on the ceiling fan? No, that wasn't it. I could only imagine how red my face must have been behind my mask. I wasn't... no, I wasn't blushing. The air conditioning must have turned off again; I was wearing a thick jacket after all. I didn't know how long I was silent for before I realized I was still live streaming.

"You came," I whispered, the only words I could manage as I composed myself.

"Who are you?", he asked in a low voice.

I told him the truth: I was nobody. I was an outcast; this cesspool of a city had ostracized me, a poor orphan. I was finally able to orchestrate my Count of Monte Cristo level revenge. And The Batman would soon be part of this too, though he didn't know it yet. I couldn't even introduce myself and my followers to our esteemed guest as I was rudely interrupted by the panicking district attorney:

"Jesus, can we get somebody out here? This thing is gonna kill me-"

"SHUT UP! YOU DESERVE TO BE DEAD AFTER WHAT YOU DID. YOU HEAR MEEEEEEE???!??!?!?!" I shouted into the screen until Mr. Coulson fell silent.

I explained to him the premise of our game: 3 riddles in 2 minutes for the code of the lock, if answered correctly of course. How I loved puzzles and riddles. They were an escape from the horrors of our world.

With the help of Vengeance, Coulson was able to get through 2 of the riddles so far. I was impressed that he was so good at riddles, like xXDark_Knight_Emo_Lord_69Xx. The room began to grow hot again for some reason.

"Okay, okay, okay, don't lose your head, Mr. Coulson! Just one more to go before your time runs out. Last riddle..." I smirked. I would purposely give him one neither him nor Batman could answer.

"If your justice is so select, please, tell us which vermin you're paid to protect".

The vigilante correctly figured it was about the rat, but Coulson was far too afraid to give it up in front of an audience for the sake of the lives of his family and loved ones.

"5... 4... 3... 2... bye!", I cheerfully exclaimed as the blast rang out, sending Batman out of frame. I abruptly ended the stream.