My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 31: Life is a BetterHelp Ad

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, Edward."

The millennial vigorously tapped her pencil against the desk. Despite the whole city being flooded over, she didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave. The muffled sounds of car alarms, sirens, and screams only barely reached the asylum. Uncomfortable in the silence, she resorted to reorganizing her beige office supplies into their respective beige organizers.

"Sorry, I'm so OCD right now," she laughed. "Why don't we talk about your boyfriend? He just left you here, right? How does that make you feel?"

Before I could answer, the stone wall, right next to the doorway, bursted open. The hole was suspiciously marsupial man shaped.

"YOU TOLD YOUR THERAPIST ABOUT ME?"

The therapist, visibly unimpressed, gestured to an open seat next to me. Bruce, his batsuit now caked in stone dust, refused to move.

"You want me to go to... therapy? No therapist, nay, person could quell the demons inside of me. The devil shivers at the thought of the darkness in my mind. You wouldn't get it. Your worst nightmares pale in comparison. You don't know what it's like to not have parents. To be an orphan."

As Bruce talked, the therapist furiously took notes on her iPad.

"Could these feelings stem from your relationship with your mother?"

"Did you not hear? My mother is dead. So is my father." He lowered his gaze to meet mine. "I am an orphan, like Eddie. Except I wasn't abandoned by my parents; they were brutally murdered right in front of me, which is arguably worse. Not like it's a competition or anything."

"WE ALREADY DID THIS AT ARBY'S-"

The therapist, completely ignoring my presence, nodded along to Bruce's words. God, he had a lot to say for a guy who hated therapy. Maybe if he joined the Riddlertron official Discord server he'd find the vent channel.

"And how does that make you feel, Batman?"

Bruce turned the metal chair around and took a seat. "Well, the crippling guilt of not being able to save my now dead parents from dying sort of forced me into self-isolation as a punishment. Now I dedicate my entire life to saving others because I failed to save the only people I cared about."

"Do you happen to think this stems from the relationship you have with your mother?"

"My mother... She is dead just like my father. I am a lone wolf, or might I say, a popular loner. I am an orphan... But I do it everyday, so it's fine. I absolutely do not miss my mommy and look for her within a butler who I hired and acts as my mom who I accidently blinded."

"Mhmmmmmm... so, how does that make you feel?"

The aggressive shaking of her Panera Fuji Apple Salad created a white noise which allowed me to space out, and I began to notice the sheer amount of BetterHelp ads plastered on the wall. In the center, directly behind her, was a printed and framed online degree for dance.

Before the therapist could ask if Bruce's feelings could stem from his relationship with his mother, a loud burst shook the window as green light filled the room. The three of us instinctively looked for the source, seeing "I <3 BATMAN -RIDDLER" spelt out with fireworks in the sky.

Batman leapt from his seat. "YOU'RE PUTTING ON A FIREWORK SHOW AFTER EXPLODING THE CITY?"

I scooted my chair back. "T- That could have been anybody... Riddler is a common name..."

"YOUR FULL NAME, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, AND IP ADDRESS ARE ON DISPLAY!"

"I swear that was my little brother..."