My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 21: Trauma Olympics 2022 hosted at Arby's (ft. Meat Mountain)

 I heard it in the distance, a sound. It reminded me of the orphanage physics teacher. It called to me like a bird. A blue bird. A blue bird that represents an American communications company based in San Francisco, California. That operates a microblogging and social networking service. That previously operated the Vine short video app and Periscope live streaming service. I GOT A TWITTER NOTIF.

I quickly awoke and grabbed my pocket searching for my phone. It wasn't there. Panic set in. But my anxiety was quickly calmed when I looked up and captured the eyes of Bruce. OH EM GEE. He came back for me! He saved me.

"EDDIE!" he shouted. "I'm so happy you're awake... I was so worried about you."

He then quickly grabbed me and pulled me close. His big buff arms wrapped around me. Oh God, they were beefy. It felt like heaven on earth. After the devilish nightmare, his presence felt like heaven. He was my Virgil; I was his Dante, and he guided me out of hell. I was so happy I could cry. I never felt something this warm that didn't make me sweat. I felt all fuzzy and not because of mold. I felt as if I found a home. No longer an orphan– I had my family; I had my man. Dear Lord, when I get to heaven, please let me bring my Brucie. I wanted to give him a wet smooch.

"Pucker up, buttercup," I whispered.

He then screeched. I bet he was partaking in echolocation.

"Umm... I mean... I'm sorry I can't. I drank chocolate milk this morning...I also got the Arby's mozzarella sticks when I was coming to rescue you," he replied.

"F WORD"

Still being with him was pure bliss. I could compare him to a summer's day, but he was more lovely and more temperate. He nervously got up and lifted me to my feeties.

"So what now?" I pleaded.

"We have to find a place for you to hide. You can't return to your apartment... I was thinking... that you...could possibly stay in the Batcave... with me. You don't have to... It was a stupid idea."

"YES."

"Oh fr?" he answered, shocked.

My stomach began to growl. It was like I ate a whale, and it began making noises in my stomach. Batman must have heard it because he asked,

"Hey, before we go to my place, wanna grab some ice cream?"

"Shut the F word up," I replied swiftly (stan taylor).

"Uhhh... how about we just order something here then?"

I looked up and noticed the glistening Arby's sign above me. That was why it smelled like meat and cigarettes. An all too familiar smell to me... I remember it like it was yesterday... except it wasn't.

I remember the first time I asked where I was found. Unlike the other orphans, I didn't care to know who my parents were. I only knew that they had abandoned me, and that was all I needed to know. That I didn't matter.

The orphanage workers gently told me that they found me in the dumpster behind the local Arby's. They told me like I still mattered to them, that my parents didn't just throw me away. But I meant nothing at all.

I would spend nights at the orphanage, staring at the dull glow of the Arby's sign from the dirty, broken window, wondering how my life could have been different. How I could have been like Bruce Wayne, the Prince of Gotham, that poor orphan alone in his mansion. If only I had been dropped off at the Wayne Manor. God, I used to hate him. To think that I loved him now. He was the only one to make me feel like I mattered.

"Sure. What are you going to get?" I replied.

"MEAT MOUNTAIN."

I fwording loved Meat Mountains. The Arby's secret menu was truly a gift. The Meat Mountain was a massive feast piled high with chicken tenders, ham, roast turkey, swiss ch**se, corned beef, angus steak, brisket, cheddar ch**se, roast beef, and topped with bacon. I would get it without ch**se ofc (of course). I could picture it in my head. It looked like this: