A riddlebat fanfic riddled with angst, lactose intolerance, and love confessions. Bruce Wayne, the Batman, goes undercover on a social media website to hunt down the Riddler, a streamer who has been terrorizing Gotham by exposing its corruption thro...
This chapter includes a song! It sounds like this:
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
I faced the human hyena across the cell. Macaroni art scattered between us. A waxy sheen from the crayons covered my hands causing my immense sweating to be minimized. It was arts and crafts time in the prison. But I knew Crane and his fugly shoes were doing a test on us. He was probably giving us puzzles and directly comparing our intelligences to monkeys or something. This idea popped into my head when he asked us to sort by colors and count coins. Just a few minutes ago, he walked in and said,
"Oh no! I want to eat this banana, but it is stuck in this puzzle box! Could you help me figure out the puzzle and get it out?"
I knew what he was doing; he could never live up to the greatness that was Dr. Jane Goodall. She was the first to observe those entrancing animals eating meat and using tools, thus expanding our understanding of primate capabilities. His research would pale compared to hers. She was an amazing talented and smart woman; he was a fake bird man with ugly shoes and Brendon Urie vibes. Kinda like this:
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Life in the prison felt unreal... Like a fantasy, the weird schedule and lack of windows confused time and reality. Being stuck with this clown. I didn't know if he made my time there better or worse. He frequently applied makeup and talked about society. He was like the worst parts of me came to life. I wondered if he was extra lactose intolerant too.
Just then, Crane came in...
"We asked your parents to write you guys letters to inspire you along your journey of recovery and growth," he smiled. "Joker, here's your letter." He stared at me while handing my cellmate his handmade, lavishly decorated letter.
HE HAD PARENTS!!?!??!??! WHAT THE FUCK! How did this heathen acquire parents? Mine didn't even show up for my birth. How did he have any? HE SUCKED! I bet they were mean anyway. They probably hated him even.
"Sorry Eddie, I know your parents don't want you, so have this Zara coupon instead."
This was the most evil thing he could do. He knew I couldn't navigate the website. No person could.
"Joker, your parents also sent these homemade cookies, a bread basket, and this pile of gifts. They seem to really love you."
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT!!! No fwording way. They were probably poisoned. They probably were just compensating for being shitty people. The joker confirmed my suspicions when he shouted,
"UGHHHHHH I HATE MY MOM! She's so annoying she sucks as a parent."
"What XD" I said.
"Shut up you don't even have a mom," Crane replied.
