My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 1: The Request

It was late at night on a chilly September evening. The chill was just right where I had to put on my wool socks but not enough to where I had to grab my Batman (hate) blanket. We never got socks like this back at the orphanage. We got thin socks that wore holes through after the first couple of wears. Us orphans always got the short end of the stick, thin paper socks over socks with Power Rangers and Pokémon. One of the many injustices faced by me as a small little boy. 

I just finished slandering society and all its corruption on my latest blogpost. The internet was truly a gift. I glanced at The Catcher in the Rye on my bedside table. It reminded me about my feelings towards Bruce Wayne, the "orphan". As Holden Caufield would say he's a rich ass phony. So full of himself. He doesn't understand the struggle of us real orphans. The pain and suffering forced upon us. All the false lies and hope of renewal. AVEEEEE MARIAAAAAAAA. I spent nights with rats nibbling at my feet and cramped alongside 29 and half children suffering the same fate. Forgotten by the society that has abandoned its most vulnerable (kids without father figures).

The internet was my life, most people for this would call me incel. But personally, I found my work important to expose the corruption within Gotham– edgier New York City. It was polluted with false hopes, corruption, and the mentally ill. Speaking of the mentally ill, not only am I an orphan, but also I am lactose intolerant. It was practically my only flaw. I remembered being a young boy gathering with the other orphans outside waiting to hear the sweet tunes of the ice cream truck. As the truck pulled up, all the other children rushed to its side. I stayed behind... I read the side of the truck looking over my options and there were no ice pops... no dairy free options. I gripped my fist like the Arthur meme... there was nothing for me here. ONCE AGAIN SOCIETY HAS OUTCAST THE LESS FORTUNATE LEAVING US TO ROT. Promising hope yet denying it to those most vulnerable. It began to rain, downpour even, as all the other orphans returned with their minion ice creams and fudgesicles. I stomped my foot but my shoes didn't light up because they never gave us poor orphans light up sketchers or twinkle toes. Goddamn I always wanted to twinkle toes. But they were reserved for fake orphans like Bruce Wayne or children with parents. I rushed back inside with hatred and anger in my heart. Society and its cruelness. This is why I purchased a copy of Catcher in the Rye. 

Recently a new false hope had appeared in Gotham– The Batman. A vigilante that the police, unsurprisingly, relied on because they couldn't do their own jobs. ACAB. And no one had seen The Batman's face, his true identity– I had taken it upon myself to unmask him. The glowing symbol in the sky mocked me as I hovered over my computer and newspaper clippings tacked to the wall. The lyrics to Creep by Radiohead echoed throughout my apartment. How could Gotham actually believe that a vigilante could single handedly save the corrupt, decaying society? A vigilante would need the money, resources– only someone rich would have. The thought repulsed me.

DING. Suddenly I got a friend request on SpaceHey. I always got friend requests, I was kind of a big deal. It was from user xXDark_Knight_Emo_Lord_69Xx. Quite a mysterious name, I got requests all the time but this one caught my eye. I liked the name Dark Knight. I clicked on the profile. It was an L anime profile picture. I loved Death Note and related to Light Yagami. I didn't want people to think I was gay because I wasn't. I flirted with females sometimes and even requested to follow them on my socials. But god damn, I thought L was so hot (I wanted to look like him). He really knew how to expose corruption. I'd let him corrupt me, but in a straight way. I might have been a heartless incel, but I secretly wanted an L to my Light, particularly a female because I wasn't gay. You would think an absolute catch like myself who understood the corruption of society and inner mechanisms of the world would have gotten a female by now, but I was just too busy exposing corruption. Married the #grind (female). I wasn't gay. I knew this because I wrote this over and over again in my manifestation journal. But, back to the point... I was intrigued. As I scrolled through xXDark_Knight_Emo_Lord_69Xx's profile I took notice of how useful they would be to helping expose the corruption within Gotham. I accepted. Nearly immediately after xXDark_Knight_Emo_Lord_69Xx began typing...