My SpaceHey Kitten: A Riddlebat Story

Chapter 26: Bro Think He Saul

Maybe Eddie knew I would find out. Maybe he wanted me to, just so he could have me arrested too. He didn't want to kill me; he just wanted to destroy the Wayne family name. I should have seen through his lies. Did he ever love me at all? He must have. He loved me even before he knew who I was. Guess I would never know now.

Did the agents really think I had anything to do with this? I wanted to remind them that I was one of the Riddler's targets. Well, I was. But I couldn't say anything to them; I would just tell them I needed my lawyer. That's what Alfredo would say. Our family and company had many esteemed lawyers. My parents couldn't use our lawyers anymore because they were dead.

As the agents were handcuffing me, the clamors of Marinara echoed through the hallway. She was carried in by two exasperated FBI agents.

"Doth thee gents not knoweth chivalry? For shame!" she cried, then turned to me. "Alack! Are thou arresting Master Bruce? That gent is not a villain!"

"Just send for one of my lawyers, Marinara."

"A lawyer? But he hath done nothing wrong!"

Marinara flailed between the arms of the FBI agents, shouting, "I hither duties in this manor, you scoundrels! Thither art rules in this household that must beest hath followed; respect is demanded of thee gents!"

The FBI agents let go of the homophobe and pulled Edward to his feet, who had been laying on the floor the whole time.

They all immediately started wiping their now drenched and sticky hands onto their vests in disgust, leaving a clean trail of salty liquid. It was as if a snail climbed across their bodies, covering them in a weird slimy substance.

"DUDE WHY ARE YOU SO SWEATY??"

"GIRL you're the sweatiest man I've ever touched."

"IT'S A MEDICAL CONDITION. ACAB, YOU B WORDS!"

"I NEED A LAWYER!" I said louder than everyone else. "Can we please just pick this up tomorrow or something? I told my 12-year-old friend from Omegle that I would hop on Fortnite like 10 minutes ago." I wanted nothing to do with this. I had nothing to do with this.

I took a step toward my gaming room, then I hit the floor with a BOOM. I was tranquilized.

I woke up in a cold, metal chair, and there was a light. It was bright. It shined. I knew what it must have meant. This was it. It all would come to an end. I would finally see them...my parents. They were dead if you didn't know. Now I was going to be dead. Like my parents, who died when I was young. I'm an orphan because they died.

The bright light shone into my eyes; I knew the end was here. As poet Emily Dickinson once said, "That it will never come again is what makes life sweet." I always read those words. But now, I finally understood what they meant. This was it. And as Gandhi once said, "In a gentle way you can shake the world." I hope I did that, even though I punched a few people, not gently. And as Salvador Dali once said, "Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it." There had always been a burden on me to live up to the family name since my parents were dead. And as Steve Jobs once said, "If you live each day as it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." Well, this was certainly my last day. I don't think I did anything right; I had ruined my relationship with Edward and parkour. And as George Eliot once said, "Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them". I hope my work as Vengeance had an impact, that people would remember me for the work I did. I hoped that Eddie would not forget me. I wanted him to look back on our time and finally change for the better. He could do it. I knew he could. Even after betraying me, I still saw the goodness inside his heart, I hoped he could unleash it.

"BRO SNAP OUT OF IT!"

"Huh?" I whimpered.

Suddenly, the light moved aside, and my eyes focused, and I found myself in a dull room with a mirror.

"What is wrong with you?" the man asked.

"I thought I died... like my parents. They were shot, and because of that they died. That's why I'm an orphan, because my parents are dead."

"Oh...okay."

"They died while I was doing parkour."

"Alright, kid..."

"Did you read about it? My dead parents were pretty famous. I said were because they are dead."

"Yes, yes," he sighed. "I know your parents are dead. We know ever-"

"Were you going to vote for my dad? You can't now because he is dead."

"OKAY I GET IT! THEY'RE DEAD! DEAD AS HELL!"

"No need to yell at me! Alfredo, he's like my fake dad because my real dad is dead since I'm an orphan. But he says I'm an empath, and that I deserve respect. So I ask not to be spoken to in that tone."

I heard him mumble under his breath that he wondered why my parents would ever leave their fortune to my sorry ass. I was sorry. I was sorry I couldn't save them (they were dead).

"Listen, kid. This is an interrogation. I am an officer of the FBI-"

"I WANT A LAWYER PRESENT!" I shouted back.

He shook his head and explained my rights. He promised I would get a lawyer then began the interrogation.

"What was Edward Nashton doing in the Wayne Manor?"

FUCK. I hoped he wouldn't ask that.

"I want a lawyer."

"The media won't have a word of this, you know. You can tell me the truth."

"MAKE THAT TWO."

He sighed, getting from his chair, and pulling out his phone. I referred him to the best of the Wayne Enterprise lawyers.

Soon enough, I had my lawyers. And the agent was STILL asking me questions??

"Why did you-"

"I WILL NOT ANSWER WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT!"

"Sir... you have two already. They are right behind you."

"ARE YOU DENYING ME MY RIGHTS!?!?!?! This requires AT LEAST three more lawyers."

He once again, sadly, called. Then again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until the room was crowded with lawyers. I knew my rights. For every question the agent asked, I ordered for another lawyer. Alfredo would be so proud of me. I knew that I was Batman– I could handle this on my own. But I was here as Bruce, so I had to act as Alfredo had raised me.

"Will you FINALLY answer the questions now?" the agent asked, exasperated.

"I would like to reserve my right to a lawyer."

"YOU HAVE 40, MY GOD. THAT'S IT, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT. HOW ABOUT YOU USE YOUR LAWYERS TO PREPARE FOR THE TRIAL, DUMBASS."

"ACAB?"

Why would he do that :(. That was so mean of him, possibly corrupt? This was why I would say ACAB. I was now not only a hero but a criminal! I thought back to every movie I've ever seen, in the crime ones they always got calls. I knew what I was going to do.