the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

f i v e

I am meeting Belly for a late night swim. When crossing the backyard my heart does an involuntary leap. Conrad is sitting there, with his feet in the pool, smoking a joint.

I don't know how I didn't smell it from my back door, but now that I can — it's all I can smell.

I haven't stopped staring at him, but I also haven't said anything. I don't think I've ever found him more attractive then I do in this moment and words are no longer something easy that comes to me. I have forgotten every word in the English language. All I want to do is go over there and hug him, ask him what's going on in that head of his, and kiss away the pain. The longer I stand here without saying anything, the more pathetic this is.

"You smoke?" I ask before I have a chance to even think about what I was going to say. Clearly he smokes, he's sitting there doing it.

He looks up at me slowly, not surprised by my presence, as if he knew I had been standing there the whole time. "Yup," he murmurs. He gives the joint a shake, with a small amused smile at my obvious comment.

I walk towards the direction he's in, and sit beside him. The eclectic pull my body has towards him, especially when he's this close shows by the hairs on my arms standing straight up. It also comes out in the chills, which Conrad notices. He grins, shaking his head. Then proceeds to take another hit from the joint.

"Since when?" I ask, bumping his shoulder with mine.

When I swing back from the second bump, I stop and lean on him slightly. I keep staring up at him, waiting for him to answer when he looks at me out of the corner of his eye. He quickly everts his gaze back to the pool when our eyes lock, "since I quit football," he admits after a moment.

I pull back from him, and the spot on my arm that was just touching him tingles. "Makes sense, no more random drug tests," I shrug.

He fully faces me now, scanning my face. "Why do you not sound surprised by the news that I quit football?" He asks.

"Jeremiah told me," I admit.

     His face goes through so many emotions in the span of five seconds that I didn't know what he was truly thinking. He looked shocked, angry, but also relieved? Maybe it's just the idea of admitting he doesn't play football anymore is hard for his mind to wrap around. He has been playing his whole life.

     "I didn't think you'd tell me," I say quietly. It was just above a whisper. "You're different," I start. He takes in a shaky breath, then blows it out slowly. I know he's listening, so I keep going. "I think something happened and your afraid to talk about it." Suddenly he looks at me, "I see it. Right in your eyes, Connie. There's something dark there, and I know you're not just acting out," I put finger quotes about acting out, and scoff slightly. I lock eyes with him, willing him to understand that I want to be there for him. "I know you," I whisper.

     "Claire..." he sighed and it was as if he was going to tell me everything, right here and now. Everything, not just the bullshit he's been feeding everyone. "It's—"

     "Claire, did I keep you waiting long?" Belly's voice causes Conrad to avert his gaze away from mine. I don't move my eyes, I keep watching him. I was so close to getting the truth. "Conrad? Are you smoking?" She gasps.

     "No, you didn't." I unlock my eyes from Conrad and look at Belly forcing a smile. I was going to kill her, possibly drown her in the pool for ruining this moment. I love her, with my whole heart, but I know she saw something happening between us. He was going to open up, he was going to tell me what was happening with him.