the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

t w e n t y - o n e

It takes Jeremiah fifteen minutes to get to me. I see his Jeep coming from down the road. I stand up quickly, and wipe at my eyes. I know it's pointless because the second I see his face when he comes to a stop in front of me he hops out of the car and his arms are pulling me in.

I instantly start sobbing into his shirt again, because he smells so similar to Conrad that it genuinely hurts my heart. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he is rubbing my back. I love Jeremiah for being here for me. He rolled out of bed to come and get me. I don't think I can count on more then one hand how many people would do something like this for me. Not even my parents.

     This is the first day that I had woken up and forgot about my parents situations. I forgot that they weren't here, and haven't been. I forgot that they haven't checked in since the day before I left for Cousins. I forgot it all.

     Conrad made me forget it all, he stopped the pain by filling it with emotions for him. I'm full of emotions for him. Such strong emotions that I don't know how to process what or how I'm feeling in this moment about the fact that I may have just lost my safe place.

"Let's get you home, alright?" Jeremiah says stopping my downward spiral in its tracks. I look up at him, and stare into his eyes. His eyes are so blue in this moment that they're matching the sky behind him. He looks so angelic that I add a new overstimulating emotion to this mix. I'm so grateful for him in this moment that also makes me start crying.

     I cup my hands to my face, and let my head fall onto his chest in a fit of sobs. He wraps his arms around my back and starts rocking us side to side. "Hey, Claire-Bear can you look at me," when I keep crying and don't seem to be letting up Jeremiah takes a step back so his hands are on my arms. "Claire, I need you to look at me," his voice was stern, and I complied. I sniffled and looked up at him again. "Hi," he whispers gently, with a soft smile.

     I let out a strained laugh through the tears. "Hi," I somehow managed to choke out.

    "Me and you, movie day. Let's stop at the store get some ice cream, and any snacks you want. Anything, Claire. Anything you want tell me, seeing you like this is breaking my heart so tell me what I can do to help you and I'll do it," he's trying to smile at me. He's trying to tell me he isn't mad at me, he isn't raising his voice at me to yell but to bring me in to focus on his words. His words are saying he's here for me, and his tone is saying I'm going to kill my brother later. I love that.

     "Ice-cream? Can we get—"

     "Anything," he says cutting me off. "Anything you want. Come on," he says wrapping an arm around. "I'll throw your bike in the back," he says walking in the direction of the passenger door. He opens it up for me, he pauses for a second as if deciding his next move. He takes a deep breathe then comes into the car and kisses my forehead. He pauses, hand wrapped around the back of my neck. "I love you. I love you so much. If Conrad can't see what he's missing out on he's the absolute dumbest shit head on the planet," then he closes my door and starts putting my bike in the back.

*   *   *

     I wipe a tear that was slowly falling down my face. I was hoping it was quick enough that Jeremiah didn't see, but unfortunately for me he did.

"This movie still makes you cry? How many times have you seen it, like 100?" He teases.

I take a deep breath, because if I talk my voice is going to crack and I'm going to full on bawl my eyes out again. "It's the notebook," I whine. "How can you note cry, they're soulmates! They die together, in bed, holding hands. It's the the most bittersweet movie ending ever!" I scream.

Jeremiah smiles at me then. He doesn't say anything. He just smiles. I lock eyes with him, and can't help but match his grin.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asks.

"I do," I say. "I love you too, you know that?" I ask back.

He chuckles softly, letting out a bunch of air from his nose and smiles. "Yeah, I do know that. How you feeling?" He asks.

I frown then. I know what he's asking. How am I feeling about Conrad? The truth is, I dreamt the whole movie pretending that was me and Conrad. Two lovers who fell in love young, lost each other but still found their way back to one another – even in the end.

"I'm okay," I lie. I force the smile, and grab the remote. "Okay, your turn to pick!" I say tossing it at him.

His state lingers on me for another moment before he must decide that I am okay because he nods and grabs the remote. "I'm really bad at picking movies, there's too many options help me narrow it down; Netflix, Hulu, Hbo Max, or Disney+?"

"Hmmm, I am thinking netflix," I say. I only said it because I was half listening and Netflix was the first thing he said. I also don't have Hulu or HBO Max so I'm not sure what's even on there.

"Movie or tv show?" He asks.

"Tv show, I don't know if my attention span can last another full movie," I admit.

He laughs, "I felt that. Okay, so I'm feeling All American, Manifest, or Big Time Rush?" He grins while saying the last one.

"Is this a literal question, or is it rhetorical?" I ask, my face completely straight.

He gasps, and holds a finger up in the air like the lightbulb in his head just turned on at his idea. "Right, we should watch All American!" He gasps.

"Jeremiah Fisher, don't you play with me right now. Put on Big Time Rush." I snap.

"Nah, you said it was my pick," he eggs on.

"Jere," I say as calmly as possible.

"Claire," he smiles innocently.

     "Put on Big Time Rush," I say again, calmly.

     "Make me," he dares.

     My eyebrows shoot up, and my mouth falls open. I quickly shake off my reaction, and charge at the remote. He laughs moving it behind his head. "Jeremiah give it!" I say, but I'm hysterically laughing because he started to tickle me. "Stop it! Stop it, just put on Big Time Rush!" I whine I between gasps of breathe.

     He finally stops and he grins down at me. "What do we say?" He asks.

     "Please," I pout.

     "It was actually Jeremiah is the bestest human ever but I guess that works too," he puts on Big Time Rush and I sit up gasping for air.

     He's closer now. Closer then we were when watching The Notebook earlier. If I move my hand an inch we'd be touching. I don't do it though and he doesn't either. We sit and watch Big Time Rush until dinner.