the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

s i x t y - f o u r

      I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I groan, rolling over to turn off my alarm only to realize I'm not in my bed. I'm on the beach, and it isn't my alarm someone is calling me.

      I pick up my phone and see it's my dad calling me, "hey sweetheart," he says as soon as I pick up.

"Hey Dad," I say rubbing my eyes. It's pitch black out. I pull my phone back to see it's 11:37pm. I don't even remember falling asleep.

"I was going to call you back in the morning, but I heard your voicemail and you sounded upset. Then when Conrad called asking if I had heard from you I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't reach out to make sure you were okay. What's going on baby?" He asks. His voice is so gently, that it takes everything in me to not break down all over again.

I just woke up so my heads all fuzzy. "Susannah's cancer came back. Everyone found out tonight. I let everyone have their space but I just felt really alone, I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, how are you doing about that?" He asks. "She always took you under her wing, this must be hard for you too." He acknowledges.

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. "Yeah, it is." I admit my voice cracking. "I have never really dealt with anything like this, so I can't wrap my head around the fact that she's dying."

"Honestly baby, I have been blessed by not having to deal with this like this either. I never had to deal with a death close to me, it sounds like you need to reach out to Conrad and talk to him about it. It could help with you two leaning on each other."

"Yeah I know, I just fell asleep at the beach so I didn't hear any of his calls or texts." I admit.

"You fell asleep at the beach at night?!" He says loudly. "Claire if you don't go back home right now!" I want to laugh because he actually sounds like a parent right now.

"Yes dad, I'm packing my stuff up as we speak."

"I love you, please be safe. Let me know when your safe. Call that boyfriend of yours back, he needs you."

       "Okay, I love you too. See you soon." I say instead of talk to you soon, because in less then three days I will be at home in Jersey.

       He hangs up, and I go to my messages and see four missed calls from Conrad. Followed up by 8 texts.

my love 🩵
hey baby, did you
make it home okay?
10:05pm

my love 🩵
that was a bad joke
10:05pm

my love 🩵
can i see you? i really
need you right now
10:14pm

my love 🩵
Claireeeeeee babyy!
10:21pm

my love 🩵
there is no way your
asleep. you don't go to
bed till the crack of dawn
10:42pm

my love 🩵
i stopped over your house
and used the key. i need to
make sure you were okay,
you aren't home. call me.
please im worried.
10:55pm

my love 🩵
i just talked to your dad
he said you left him a sad
voicemail. please baby,
where are you?
11:05pm

my love 🩵
jeremiah hasn't seen you
either. im seriously freaking
out this isn't funny
11:25pm

     I don't hesitate to call him, he picks up on the first ring. "Where are you?" He asks. He sounds panicked. "You aren't home, and you weren't answering anyone's messages, I'm freaking out."

     "I'm at the beach. I came out here when we got home. I fell asleep, I'm okay. I'm sorry I worried you."

      "You fell asleep at the beach? Claire!" I cringe at the use of my full name. He never says my full name it's always baby.

     "I know," I sigh. "I didn't mean too. I was just upset and I was hitting my pen and had my headphones on. I didn't hear my phone going off. My dad has a special ringtone so I just woke up to it. I'm sorry."

      "Are you still at the beach?" He asks.

       "Yes, I'll pack up and go home now. I'm sorry for worrying you," I say again.

      "Don't bother, I'm right behind you."Then he hangs up.

      I turn around and there he is. I stand up quickly. His hair is a mess, like he's been running his hands through it all night. His eyes are red rimmed, and I can tell he's been crying. I'm so fucking pissed at myself. All I wanted to do was be there for them earlier and when Conrad needed me I was asleep. I'm a horrible girlfriend.

      "Conrad, I'm so so sorry. I wanted to be there for you, but I also wanted to give you guys your space. I was also upset about your Mom and then I started thinking about my parents and I just came here to clear my head. I just crashed, I don't even remember being tired—" before I can finish he crashes into me. His arms go around my shoulders and he presses me head into his chest with the back of his hand.

"Don't apologize I'm just glad you're okay," he sighs rocking us. "Im just glad to be with you now."

"Are you okay?" I ask gently.

His grip on me tightens. "No," he sighs. "I'm not. It was harder then I thought seeing everyone crying over it. I can't even imagine how my Mom feels."

"How did she seem?" I ask.

"She seemed okay, but I could see how hard it was for her. She promised to do a trial. Jeremiah got her to do it. Fuck, seeing Jere crying over it, he was so mad that I knew and didn't tell him." He suddenly pulls back, "I didn't tell anyone you knew. I know how close you and Jere are, he's going to need you."

I give him a soft smile, and brush his hair out of his face. "Stop worrying about everyone else. Right now focus on you. Come here," I say pulling him down to the blanket. It's my turn to take care of him. I sit down and tap my lap, letting him lay his head there. I brush my fingers through his hair, and watch as he visibly relaxes under my touch. "I love you and your big heart," I say kissing his forehead. "I just wish you'd let yourself feel things once and awhile, it's okay to cry. It's okay to break down, it's understandable right now. So you do whatever you have too. I'm not going anywhere, you don't need to fake it for me."

He let's out a shaky breathe, covering his eyes. I can feel him start shaking before I realize he's crying. He turns into my stomach, wrapping his arms around me. He sobs into my stomach and I sniffle, rubbing his back. I hate seeing him this way but I'm so glad he's letting me comfort him.

"I love you," I whisper. "I love you so much."

"I can't believe she's sick again," he mumbles into my shirt. "I can't do life without her. I can't. I can't." He sobs. I am crying now too. I wish I knew what to say to make this hurt less, but some things you just can't talk it out. He needs to feel this.

It takes him fifteen minutes to calm down. "Here," I say handing him my water. He takes a sip, and clears his throat. I wipe a lingering tear away from his cheek, "what's going on in your head honey?" I ask, brushing his hair away from his forehead.

      "I'm just tired," he sighs. "Can we go home?"

       "My home or your home," I chuckle.

       "My home is wherever you are, so I'm fine with either."

       "I love you," I say kissing him. "Let's go to my house."

        "Okay," he agrees.