the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

t h i r t y - s i x

I'm not hungover. If anything I'm only afraid to open my eyes because they are sticking together. Apparently, I forgot to take out my contacts last night because the way I have to physically open my eyes with two hands wouldn't just be because of a hangover and deep sleep.

I'm proven right when I open my eyes and everything takes only a matter of seconds to clear up before I can see my "blurry" room. It's all blurry because sleeping with contacts in makes them dry and they never go back to 100 percent.

I can't believe I forgot. I remembered to; wash my face and get off all the make up, brush my knotty hair and put it into a bun, and even get into comfy pajamas, but I forgot to take out my contacts.

I turn my head to my nightstand my eyes land on the advil container that is on my nightstand and I am reminded that my parents are in fact here, in Cousins. Probably downstairs drinking coffee right this very second.

The anxious tension seeps it's way through the walls and into my room, or possibly the sound of my parents words vibrating the walls. They're already fighting. I wonder if that's my fault. Did me coming home drunk, and late cause an argument? We're they truly okay while I was away? Am I the problem?

I want to sink deep into my mattress and let it swallow me whole. I need help. I pick up my phone and call the one person I know who would be here to help me without pissing my parents off more.

* * *

"Hi, I love you. You're a lifesaver, thank you," I gasp pulling Belly in through the door.

"You're lucky I forgot to turn my phone off last night because I was in such a deep sleep that I almost missed the call. It wasn't until Jeremiah started pounding the wall that I woke up," she said handing me a coffee.

"I'm sorry," I frown. "I just couldn't handle going out there with no food in my system. As you could see, my parents are here. They caught me coming home, drunk, with Conrad," I grin but I know if I looked in a mirror right now it would seem absolutely terrifying.

Belly nods, "I know we talked last night," she snickers.

"Oh," I frown. "Right." I nod, trying to remember when we talked but I can't find the moment and thinking about it hurts too much. Everything from last night is blurry.

The threat of my parents wanting to take me home after the fourth goes off like a reminder in the back of my head. I hope with everything in me that wasn't literal. I know they don't want me ruining their summer fighting by being around — actually, no, I just can't handle a full summer of them fighting. The idea makes me want to run away. I have no idea where I'd be going but anywhere from voice one and two downstairs and I'm okay.

      "That thing I told you about that happened at the party last night. It's freaking me out," Belly says, popping my thinking bubble. Once again, I have no idea what conversation she is referring too. But, frankly I'm good for any distraction because my mind was going south.

     I stand nervously once her words set in. "Did Cam-Cameron pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with?" I ask cutting straight to the direction my mind took that.

      Her eyes widen and she slaps my shoulder. "No! No! Of course not, Cam is sweet. He'd never do that!" She defends. "About Taylor and Steven!" And as if those two names were the code name, the FaceTime between me and Belly floods through my head.

     I relax my shoulders, and take another sip of my coffee nodding. She is right. Cam Cameron is the most respectful boy I've ever met. That says a lot because I have a boyfriend but we don't need to tell him that. "Oh my god, Taylor and Steven making out!" I scream voicing my thoughts.

     Belly groans and covers her eyes as if she can see it in front of her again. "Yes! Stop don't say it!" Belly's eyes fall to the ground and she stares down at her feet, before looking up at me. "That isn't even the worst part. She said something about me being selfish for not knowing she liked him all this time and..."

     "I didn't know that either!" I scream. "I always got the vibe she liked Jeremiah!"

     "Right!" Belly agrees. "Anyways, she leaves today and I haven't talked to her since the party yesterday." She sighs. "I don't know what to say. I am just confused."

      "Steven?" I groan. "She totally has not always liked him!" Im having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. She genuinely has never seemed interested in Steven but I guess playing hard to get was her plan? It's kind of failing considering he has a girlfriend he actually loves and is good for him.

      "I know."

      "I still think you should talk to her. It wasn't right what she said but it was in the heat of the moment. You aren't selfish, it was your birthday. That was rude of her to do on your birthday regardless if it has been a long time coming or not, considering he is also seeing someone," I shrug and wave it off. That's gross on both their parts, but it's none of my business. My boyfriend is cute, tall, loyal, with amazing hair, and — completely off track here.

     Belly nods, frowning. "Yeah, you're right. I just, I don't know what to say."

      "Maybe let her know you're angry but don't want to lose her. Give it some time," I offer.

     "That's good, I'll try to twist it more personal in the moment." I nod, agreeing it was a good idea. "But uh," she pauses before grabbing my hand. "Your parents, I heard them before I knocked. They weren't being very quiet, I just want to make sure you're okay?" She says quietly.

      I drop my head, avoiding her gaze. I don't want her to feel sorry for me, I'm doing it enough for the both of us. I force a smile on, and let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah! Conrad stayed on FaceTime with me until I fell asleep last night. I just woke up and instantly called you, knowing I have both of you worrying about me makes me feel so loved I don't even care about them."

      I flinch hearing a loud bang. The front door just slammed and I wouldn't be surprised if it was mom leaving, going to find the closest bar to pick up the first desperate man she can find. Belly catches my slip up and frowns back at me giving me hand a tight squeeze.

I sigh, resting my head on her shoulder. "It's difficult, but it's different here. At home it's just me dealing with it alone, here I have a whole family to save me next door," I say.

     Belly rubs my arm gently. It tickles but it also feels so comforting in this moment so I don't say anything. "We'll always be here for you. It's just — I didn't realize it was this bad," Belly admits. "I knew you said you were having panic attacks but I just thought it was anxiety. Just a little nerves, but I completely understand now. I'm so, so sorry."

     "Please don't make a big deal out of it. Not today, I need to not cry because if I start I won't stop."

      "Stay with us, until your parents leave. It'll be a big sleepover! Like when we were little, it'll be fun!"

      I take in her words for a second. Staying at the Fishers sounds like Heaven, considering Conrad would only be a few doors down. Not that I'd sneak into his bedroom after Belly falls asleep because I can't sleep without him or anything, that thought never crossed my mind. I'm not sure how many parents would feel about it, especially if they find out me and Conrad are dating.

     "It's worth a shot, it doesn't hurt to ask," I say as soon as the words entered my thoughts. The idea is a relief but I'm too afraid to hope in fear they say no so I don't hope, I just pray.