the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

f o r t y - o n e

My parents showed up all of twenty minutes ago, and I could already hear them bickering to themselves from across the pool. It's loud whispers but regardless it's still there and very understandable. Now everyone knows about my mothers affair because Dad loudly announce it. I felt myself shrinking farther and farther away from everyone else out of embarrassment, until about five minutes ago I successfully slipped away to the beach.

I wanted a second to compose myself, but I also wanted to get away from them. Being this close to them I can feel the panic attack brewing in the pit of my stomach. My hands won't stop shaking and no matter how hard I try to slow my heart rate I can feel the rapid bang against my chest.

My head is in my hands when an arm slides around my waist from behind. He doesn't have to say anything to let me knows it's Conrad. The smell of his cologne fills my senses and within only a second of him being near me my panic fizzles out and I'm left utterly content in the moment.

I don't remember ever feeling this content with someone before. I'm 17 but I've never had serious relationships due to the fact that I could never find myself getting out of the awkward stages with them. I guess since I've known Conrad all my life we had the awkward phases when we were younger, so now I can be around him and feel nothing but peace.

He rests his head on top of mine as he rubs small circles on my arms. "I didn't even see you leave," he says swaying us slightly. "How are you doing?" He asks gently.

I turn so my head is pressed against his chest and I take in a deep breath filling my scent of smell with the calming aroma that is Conrad. I love when he traps me in hugs like this because when he's hugging me everything seems okay. I turn my head so I can answer his question.

   "They basically told everyone my mom had cheated. They said it was getting better but the fact they can't even fake it around others now shows they're only going backwards," I mumble. "I'm so scared to go home at the end of August. It's going to be miserable."

"I can't even imagine, honey." I don't need to look at him to know he's frowning. He squeezes me tighter before he sighs. "I hate that I can't say or do anything to make this easier for you. It kills me."

A soft smile forms on my lips. "Just being with me helps more then you know," I admit.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you so very much."

He tilts my chin up so he can place a gentle kiss on my lips. He pulls back and his frown was washed away by a small grin. "So Belly got Victoria to show her how to make pomegranate margaritas, and all the Deb girls are coming over so we can have a party on the beach," he leans in slowly, "we can smoke before and get cross faded," he whispers tickling my ear.

      "Oh Conrad, I love it when you talk dirty to me," I tease.

       He pulls a joint out from behind his ear and my eyes widen, "I didn't even notice that before!"

       "Had to hide it from the adults," he says matter of factly. "Let's smoke then find everyone else."

       "Wait," I pause sitting up. I let out a small groan, stomping my foot on the sand like a child.

     "What?" Conrad laughs, clearly amused.

     "Deb girls?" I ask. He nods, still unsure what warranted that reaction. "Deb girls as in, Nicole?" I ask.

      As if a lightbulb went off in his head he says "ah, I see. Babe," he says wrapping his arm around my waist. "I love you," he smiles. "I think it's about time we stop letting Nicole," he says her name and then gags making me laugh, "dictate if we're going to have a good day or not. I say we smoke this joint and get so fucked up the only thing that matters is I'm with you having an amazing day."

      I kiss him in response. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him as close an humanly possible. When we break away I'm smiling, "I love you." I say. "I agree, let's have a great day."

     I sit down in the sand and reach my hand up for the joint. "Let's do this." He happily hands it to me, and pulls a lighter from his pocket. "So," Conrad starts. "Do you still like reading?" He asks.

     The question is random, but him remembering things about me still makes me giddy inside. "Of course, why?" I ask.

     "Just wondering, I noticed you haven't been reading as much this summer. Didn't know if you still enjoyed it."

      "Yeah, I haven't been." I admit. "It's been a weird year, I spent so much of my year with my face in a book trying to escape this reality that coming here I actually wanted to live my own life for a change."

      He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I'm reminded of the bonfire from the first night. Conrad giving me his hoodie, that I still haven't given back. The soft side of Conrad, us smoking in the pool. It seems so long ago but it was really only about a week and a half ago.

      I lay my head on his shoulder and pass him the joint. "What's your favorite book ever?" He asks.

     "Conrad," I whine. "You can't ask me that!"

      He chuckles quietly, "why not?"

      "Because it's impossible to narrow it down!" I defend.

     He passed me back the joint and by the second hit I feel a weight lift from my chest and my head goes a bit fuzzy. I snuggle closer into Conrad's side until I'm practically laying in his lap. He doesn't mind, he just wraps his arm across my chest like a seatbelt and presses a kiss to my head.

     "What about top five?" He presses.

     I don't know why he's asking but I don't argue with him. I love talking about books, "okay fine. These aren't in order it's just a random list. Simon Vs the HomoSapiens Agenda, Josh and Hazels Guide to Not Dating, The Cheat Sheet, Verity, and Today Tonight Tomorrow."

      "The fact that you listed those that fast shows you think about this often," he teases.

      I nod and smile to myself. "I do," I agree. "I really do. I love reading, but I hate rereading books. The best part about those five books is no matter how many times I reread them they always feel as amazing as the first time. The fact that I can physically picture books as I read them is such a blessing. I find myself daydreaming about movies/tv shows and go to look them up so I can watch them because I get this weird longing feeling, only to realize I'm daydreaming about a book I've read. It's kind of crazy, but exhilarating because I seriously can vividly picture books!"

     "God I love you so fucking much," he says. "I think I just fell even more in love with you if that's even possible."