the summer you noticed me ↠ conrad fisher {1}

e i g h t e e n

     "I'm never going to get that imagine out of my head. If I didn't interrupt," her eyes go wide and she lets the comment hang there in the air.

     "I'm a virgin, and I don't plan on having sex with him tonight or at least for a little while," I state.

As much as I want to be with Conrad, I don't plan on just jumping into bed with him. Kissing? Yes. Making out? Yes. Sex? We will address that at a later date.

     Belly screams, and covers her ears. "La! La! La! Conrad is like my brother, please I don't want to hear his name and the word," she pauses looking around as if someone is listening. "Sex," she whispers. "In the same sentence, thank you."

     I let out a laugh, "okay. Anyways, how was the date?" I ask.

     Her whole demeanor changes. Her shoulders slump, and she frowns. "I want it to be good. I mean, it was good, but he just," she groans running a frustrated hand down her face. She looks up at me with watery eyes. She starts fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, and I grab her hand to calm her nerves.

     She wraps her other hand around mine, and gives me a sad smile. "Take your time, Conrad can wait all night," I tease. She groans again, but this time she chuckles and I feel relived to see her smiling. 

     She quickly loses the smile and her eyes zone in on the tree next to us. "Cam is great," she says. I give her hand a squeeze because I can tell there is a but coming with this. I want her to know that whatever she has to say is okay, and everywhere she is feeling is valid. "But he isn't Jeremiah, Claire. The whole time I was trying to be in the moments and I just kept thinking about how I wanted it to be Jere who was holding my hand, or Jere I was making out with–"

     Now it's my turn to scream, but it's a very different scream. It's a happy squeal that echos through the air. "What!" I scream. "How can you just drop something like that!"

The back door flies open, and me and belly both stare at Conrad. He's looking between us frantically, "I heard Claire scream," he says. "I-Sorry I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay. Excuse me," he says and backs up into the house.

I stare that the door he just walked into. I smile, and almost completely forget Belly is there. "You have him whipped, dude. He just almost fell out the fricken door because you screamed." I look over at her, and there is a soft smile on her lips. "You get one minute to talk about Conrad as much as you want and then it's back to me, okay?" She grins.

     "I love you," I say squeezing her hand. She mouths she loves me too, and gives my hand another squeeze to let me know I can talk. "I think I love him," I start. "I know that seems crazy, but considering how long I've had a crush on him this isn't new to me. I've dreamt of the day that I get to kiss him, and it just happened. It was better then I could of imagined. When I'm with him, I don't hurt as much. My chest feels lighter, and I am so happy that my heart feels like it's going to explode. When he looks at me,"
I pause and close my eyes.

     I imagine his blue eyes staring at me. The way he watches my every move as if he's afraid I'm going to disappear right in front of his eyes. The way he holds me when I'm upset, even before we were anything he let me rest his head on his shoulder and he'd just hold me. He doesn't even need to speak to make me feel better, just him being near me instantly makes me feel whole. "He makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world." It's the best way to explain it.

     "You two are so smitten for each other, holy crap. Claire, I'm so happy for you. So, so so happy," she's smiling so big right now. I can tell she's being genuine. The fact that she's going through boy drama but still celebrates mine makes me so happy to call her my bestfriend.

      "Im going to hug you now," I say leaning across the seat to squish her. She doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me and squeeze me back.

I pull back from the hug and boop her nose. She's so pretty. I love her so much. I am so grateful I got blessed with a best friend as amazing as her. 

     "Before you get into your whole boy drama thing, I have something to tell you. It may make you super happy," I say grinning.

     "What?" She asks.

     "Okay so you know how we crashed your date tonight?" I ask. She gives me a slap on the arm because yes of course she remembers. "Right, anyways it was Jeremiah's idea to crash it. A part of me believes he may have been jealous!"

     "Shut up," she gasps. "Seriously? I thought it was Steven! Claire, you aren't messing with me!?" She says gripping my arm.

     "I'm not, I would never mess with you over him." I say quietly. "I think he may have some type of feelings for you just don't understand what they are yet, let him figure it out. In the meantime you need to figure out if you want to continue on with Cam Cameron, because it isn't fair to lead him on if you have feelings for another guy."

     She sighs. "I know, you're right. I just don't know what to do. He's really sweet, he respects me and my boundaries. I can't imagine being uncomfortable around him. It's just there's no spark."

"Because he isn't the one." Her frown deepens at this comment. She doesn't argue because I know she knows that I'm right. "Sleep on it, regardless both boys will be there in the morning."

      "True, can we hang out tomorrow or the next day, beach day?" She asks.

      "Sure," I smile. I suddenly feel tired, the panic attack mixed with these truthful emotions are wearing me down.

     "See you. Let me know which day works best for you," she says. We hug goodbye and I find my way back inside.

      Conrad's sitting here watching Tangled, and I giggle. "It's a good movie isn't it?" I ask.

     He scoffs, running a hand through his hair. "It's okay."

     I roll my eyes playfully, but grab the remote to turn off the tv. Conrad goes to argue but I hold out my hand for him to take. "I'm exhausted. I can't sleep on this couch again, come to bed with me." He grabs my hand standing up. He's standing in front of me, and I can't help but hug him. The emotions from outside are all at the front of my mind, and close isn't close enough with him.  "Thank you for making me feel safe."

     "I'm glad I make you feel safe, Claire. You make me feel safe too," his head drops on top of mine and he rocks us back and forth for a second. "Let's go to bed, you look tired." He runs one of his thumbs under my eyes. I'm sure he's tracing my eyebags, I try not to take offense to that and just focus on him worrying about me.

     I nod, and we walk in silence up stairs. You think it'd be awkward having Conrad in my bedroom, but I think because it's always an empty house when he's here this isn't anything different.

     I'm already in comfy clothes because after my panic attack I had to get out of my Jean shorts. They felt so suffocating. I'm in baggy Walmart sweatpants that are the softest things on the planet and wearing Conrad's sweatshirt. I never did give it back to him after that bonfire and I never plan on it.

     I slip under the covers Conrad following close behind. It's like our bodies are made for each other because our legs intertwine  under the covers and my head falls to his chest with no words spoken between us. It's such a comfortable feeling that I know I want to do this every night for the rest of the summer. For the rest of my life. His hands run up and down my back and I sigh in content.

     I tilt my head up, and press a soft kiss to his lips. "Goodnight, Connie."

      He kisses my forehead, and then rests his cheek against my forehead. "Goodnight Claire-Bear." I giggle softly and snuggle him closer. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep tonight.