Where the two always end up at the beginning. In each other's arms.
----------
I appreciate those of you who give this book a chance.
<3 This book is mostly for the lost lonely soul who are emotional in their nature. Something we can relate to...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Chapter 53: Giving up the light
Dark.
Cold.
Haunted.
But who cares? Jimin won't turn on the light or the heater. It's so much better not seeing anything and staring at the dark while the wind is traveling to his body through a thin blanket. Instead of that thick comforter he used to share with Jungkook, Jimin chose a thin blanket. Feeling cold is much better than feeling numb. Jimin has been laying down for god knows how long since 2 days ago after he passed out in Jungkook embrace. Numb was the only thing Jimin felt when he woke up just to realize Jungkook was not there.
Jungkook really left just like he said, and Jimin was just freezing in his emotions of Jungkook leaving. He still couldn't believe that Jungkook actually said that it won't work between them so suddenly.
Jin, Namjoon and Taehyung were the only ones who were there when he opened his eyes. They received a phone call from Jungkook to come and take care of Jimin. The three told Jimin that Jungkook left after the doctor he called came to check on Jimin and left right after the doctor confirmed that Jimin was physically fine and will get better after a couple days of rest.
He left.
The boy did not have any energy to ask where Jungkook was or trying to reach out. It worked like a switch. His heart was breaking into pieces. On the inside, Jimin felt like he was bleeding to death, and that time it was too late to save him. Too late for anyone or anything to save him from dying inside.
Jimin told everyone that he was fine, and he needed time to be alone to focus on his final assignments, and exams when the truth is the boy just wanted to break alone with himself without being a burden to concern anyone.
Laying in bed all day and night, the only times Jimin gets up are when he takes a shower and for food. At least he takes care of his hygiene. However, Jimin hasn't been able to do anything other than laying down and crying.
It's over.
Questions after questions. Jimin keeps asking himself what he did wrong? Jimin points himself out in all the angles, but he can't really tell. Therefore, Jimin just accepts the fact that it's because of him. He's worthless, and no one would stay by his side. They don't want to stick with him. He's a burden.
Drowning in pain, Jimin is not able to see those people who care about him at the moment, and he also refuses to. Taehyung has Suga hyung. Jin hyung has Namjoon hyung. They have their own person to stick with physically and mentally, but Jimin doesn't. He did, but it was already over.
Jimin lost his strength. He won't figure out why there are lipstick stains on Jungkook's shirt. He won't care about that female perfume from Jungkook whenever he comes back. He no longer wants to know all the reasons why Jungkook wanted it to be over. Park Jimin doesn't care anymore if Jungkook's length is extremely hard for him only too? Just like how Jungkook asked him.
Empty feeling Jimin has been feeling is being replaced by pain and anger. Mostly anger. How exactly can Jimin even explain how it's like to be so angry that his body doesn't have the energy to do anything. It's unexplainable.
No one truly cares.
All the promises are not real.
His feelings don't matter.
The fact that Jungkook left like that can tell a lot. Jungkook doesn't really care. Jungkook has never cared. Jimin's existence was so little that he could say all the sweet things to play with his feelings then throw them away as if they never mattered. There are too many proofs of how Jimin doesn't mean anything to anyone.
Not only for Jungkook, but also for Junho hyung, mom and dad because If they really care about him, he won't be here in his bed, having no one he feels like he can go and talk to. Junho hyung made it clear that it was his job to take care of him. No one that would just stay here and let him know they're there for him.
And if there's anyone who says they will stay, Jimin already installed it in his system that lets people in too close, and we will only end up getting hurt, and that's why Jimin doesn't want to rely on anyone anymore. It's too painful when they leave.
At the end of the day, It's Jimin and Jimin only because those who said they care don't seem to take any actions to show it. It's known that his mom doesn't care. That's the fact, but for his dad, the man has always been there for him, giving him all the luxury, but why is it not enough? Is it because his dad always chooses his family over him? Everything seems to always be bigger and more important than Jimin's feelings.
Where are the cuddles Jungkook said he will always give? Where is Jungkook who promised that he will always hold him tight. People are so selfish for not keeping their word and Jimin hates it. Jimin is sick of all the people who can't keep their word. His mother failed to keep her word a million times, and Jimin doesn't think he can put up with something like this anymore.
In Jimin's life, there's not many lights he can hold on to and actually feels secure with it. He's always been craving for that deep connection with someone who belongs to him only to have and to hold.
For a very short period of time, Jungkook was that one light that gave Jimin hope. Jimin lets him in just so he can hurt him. Just to witness Jungkook walking out of his life without mercy. Just to prove that no one will be there, Jimin always has to be alone. Jimin used to long for happiness, but happiness turns to be a betrayal. Jimin used to wait for someone to come and save him from this lonely world by himself, but that didn't happen.
Therefore, Jimin will stop chasing happiness. Jimin won't wait. It's himself and loneliness that will become best friends forever, and Park Jimin will live in this world where there's no light.
No he won't throw things. He won't be violent and break things to ease his anger away. What's the point? What's the point of fighting anymore since Jimin will always end up alone. No one will come and save him. It's him who has to accept this reality and save himself.
Nothing breaks Park Jimin, not even Jungkook, and it's not because Jimin is strong. It simply means that Jimin has been broken since god knows how long. Can be even his whole life. Can't break what's already broken. How pathetic that for a moment Jimin thought Jungkook would be the one who picked his shattered self up and fixed him, but no. That didn't happen, and
Park Jimin finally gives up.
Giving up the only light that happened to shine through and reached out to him. From now on, that light will only be a reminder that no other light will be able to reach him ever again.
