Don't stand so close to me

Part 18

⚠️ TW: suicide attempt

Kurt feels like he can't breathe anymore and he hates it. He never thought he would feel that way and that extreme until he got a taste of how it is not being able to breathe. Now an overcrowded hallway is enough to give Kurt the feeling of not breathing properly.

It's his third week back in school and until now he somehow always managed to avoid those situations. He comes late to other classes, stays longer in other classrooms and hides in places where he's alone in between.

By now Finn doesn't even try to talk to his brother anymore. He realized that Kurt felt back into his old self. He knows that it's traumatic. He found Kurt and he talked to the therapist about it and now it's better.

But Kurt is different. He doesn't want to talk about it, trying to push the memories and everything that comes with them, away. He knows it won't work. It didn't the last time so why now? But he also can't in any other way.

Burt always tries talking to him, trying to convince him to go to the therapist again or just tell him what happened. Kurt still haven't told anyone what happened and why the raper got a knife.

But the worst part is that Kurt pushes away the one thing that helped him get help. The one person that made Kurt happey again. The love who showed people that Kurt Hummel isn't as cold as ice like they thought before. Kurt pushes Blaine away.

Blaine is heartbrocken but he doesn't really takes much time to think about it or care about it. For him Kurt still comes first and he is worried about him. So much that even tho everytime he tries to help and gets pushed away and his heart breaks a little more he still plans what to try next.

Kurt pushes everyone away. At this moment literally everyone. He needs to get out of the hallway. He needs fresh air. He needs to go somewhere safe.

On his way out he meets Finnn "Kurt where are you going?". "Home. I don't feel well" Kurt answers and runs out of the building. He needs air.

At home Kurt Sits down on his bed and starts crying. It's the first time he cries since he passed out. Not a single tear since he woke up in hospital. Now he finally breaks down.

This will haunt him forever and it's pure torture. Even more without Blaine. Sure he's the one who's pushing him away but he can't stop it somehow.

Still sitting on the bed Kurt starts thinking. It'll haunt him forever. But what if there won't be a forever? Something like that has to be planned. Right? But the planing shouldn't take too long.

Is there someone he wants to talk to? Yes but he can't.

How is he going to do it? Pills? That should be the easiest way right?

But maybe he should still give his father a hint on what was so bad that Kurt went that far in first place. He can't text his father. He would be here before it's done. Carol? No, she's just as fast as Burt. Finn? No. Even at school he's on his phone the whole time. He'd be to fast too.

Sure he could leave a note but something like that could easily get lost in the chaos. Then it hits Kurt. Blaine. At school he's hardly on his phone and checks it first when he comes home. With the rest of the schoolday and the way home Kurt has enough time. By then it'll be over.

Kurt: It's called Breathplay, Knifeplay and Bloodplay. Remember that I love you.

With shaking hands Kurt hits send and stands up again. Carol is a nurtse and he has trouble with sleeping. They should have enough pills at home. Question is only where?

Blaine sits in the classroom. Next to him Kurts empty space. "Where did Kurt said he goes?" the curly haired boy asks Finn who sits behind him and answers "Home. He told me he didn't feel good". Baine frowns worried "I send him a get better text".

Just as he takes out his phone he sees Kurts message popping up on the screen. "Finn. Call Burt. We need to go home" Blaine says in shock but reacting fast. "Why?" the tall boy asks confused. Blaine doesn't know if he interprets the text right but when he shows Finn the text and he reacts the same he thinks that he probably thinks the same. "Rach tell the teachers we're not feeling well. Blaine you drive. I call Burt and mom" Finn says, hoping they don't need Carol as a nurse and come in time.

That Blaine drives over speed limet isn't important but him or Finn. Kurts life is in danger. Finn already called Burt and Carol  who are both on their way home as well.