Don't stand so close to me

Part 20

About an hour later Kurt wakes up again, looking slightly better. Calmer to say it better. His mind doesn't drive him as crazy as before and in Blaines arms he slept better than the last few weeks.

When Kurt turns in Blaines arms he realizes that Blaine felt asleep too. Kurt chuckles quietly and whispers "I love you. Even if I can't always show it". Blaine must've heard him because he opens his eyes and whispers back "I love you too".

Now that Kurt is awake again the two boys go down to the others. Finn and Burt watch a game in the living room and Carol is in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes. After the shock she thought they could all need a little snack and what they didn't eat is left for Kurt and Blaine.

Thankful Blaine sits down at the talbe and starts eating. Kurt on the other hand doesn't seem hungry, only looking at the food in front of him. "Kurt please eat something. I know today was rough but just eat a bit" Blaine says both caring and worried.

With a sigh Kurt takes one of the sandwiches. He doesn't want Blaine to worry any more than he already does. "Thank you" Blaine whispers in his ear before kissing his cheek.

When they're done with eating Kurt excuses himself and goes to the toilet, giving Blaine the opportunity to talk to Burt.

"Burt? Kurt wrote in his text what happened to him. He says he can't talk about it but you can look it up" he says. "That's a good start. What did he text you?" Burt asks and the boy answers short "Breathplay, Knifeplay, Bloodplay".

"What's that?" Burt asks confused. On that Blaines face darkens "Look it up. It's some kinky stuff". "Wait. Blaine. Did you look it up?" Burt asks, sounding shocked and the boy nods "It's horrible what happened to him. But as bad as it already looked, it could've been worse".

Burt frowns worried "Blaine are you okay?". The questioned boy shrugs "I guess". "If you need to talk come to me okay? What you and Finn saw was rough already" the man says and Blaine nods "Thank you Burt".

"B? Can we go to my room and watch a movie?" Kurt asks when he comes back. The other boys and goes to him, pretending the conversation he just had never happened.

Both boys go upstairs and sit down on the bed with the laptop to their feets. "Can we cuddle?" Blaine asks hesistantly and is relieved when his boyfriend nods "You're one of the few people who can touch me without me saying something against it".

"Together with Carol, Burt and Finn" Blaine guesses and Kurt agrees "Yeah. It's okay with them to most of the time". Blaine nods and puts an arm around Kurt, feeling the boys head on his chest and arms around his stomach. With a little smile Blaine starts the greatest showman and then lets his fingers wander up and down Kurts arm.

Kurt smiles too, looking at the screen. Since the first time they watched it together and Kurt showed his real self to Blaine this movie became their comfort movie.

Cuddled against each other they watch the movie till the end and goes down for dinner after. Once again there is rarely any talking at the table but before Kurt and Blaine can go up again Burt stops them.

"Kurt I want to talk to you for a minute" he says calm. "I wait in your room and clean up" Blaine says and leaves the two Hummels alone to talk. "What's up?" the boy asks.

Burt takes a deep breath. He's nervous becasue he doesn't know how his son will react. "Blaine told me about the three words you send him" he starts. "Oh" Kurt reacts. He knows his father doesn't mean the I love you. Somehow he's still slightly surprised even tho he should've known that this will happen.

"I won't push you to talk to me but if you're ever ready then come to me. What happened is cruel and now I finally know why the man had a knife and why you tensed at crowded places, even more than you did before" Burt says, trying his best to use his calmest voice to not freak Kurt out.

"So you looked it up?" Kurt asks in schock. Why would someone voluntarily do that? His father nods "And I'm glad you weren't worse".

Kurt takes a deep breath, feeling the memories coming back stronger again. "Something else you need to talk about?" he asks, sounding colder again. He just wants to go upstairs to Blaine. Burt shakes his head. He understands that this is enough, especially after today. "No. Go to Blaine" he says.

Kurt nods but before he goes upstairs he turns back around to his father "Did Blaine look that stuff up too?". "That's not my place to answer you son. You have to ask him yourself" Burt answers and with that Kurt goes up. In his ears it sounded a lot like a 'yes he did'.

Kurt runs up to his room, taking two steps at a time. He needs to talk to Blaine.

"Did you look it up?" he asks as soon as he closed the door behind him. "What?" Blaine asks back, slightly confused from the sudden question but deep down knowing what he means. "The words I send you earlier. Did you look up what they mean?" the taller boy asks, seeing Blaine nod slowly and guilty.

With a worried frown Kurt asks "Why? I'm traumatized from feeling it. But I know you and your pure heart and mind. Looking up must have been traumatizing for you too". "I wanted to know what happened to you.

It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but I wanted to know what happened so I looked it up" Blaine explains, taking Kurts hand "It wasn't traumatizing for me but I worry about you even more than before. On the other side I can understand you better now. The crowded hallways".

Only at the mention of the hallways and the picture in Kurts head he tenses up. But he relaxes again when he feels Blaines thumb drawing little circles on his hand. "Yeah..." Kurt mumbles, looking down to their hands

With his free hand Blaine makes the boy look up again, looking straigt into his ocean blue eyes and whispers "We get this together okay?". When the other boy nods Blaine leads them to the bed because a hug won't be enough so they'll cuddle.

Of course Kurt cuddles closer immediatly when Blaine lays down with him. Blaine wraps his arms around his boyfriend, stroking though his hair and asks "What do you thing about maybe going to therapy again? It could help you".

"I don't know if I'm ready yet Blaine" the other boy answers anf Blaine nods understanding "I won't push you. But if it ever overwhelmes you again, promise me to talk to someone. Burt, Carol, Finn, me, it doesn't matter but someone.

I don't want it to go as far as today because we all were so scared that when we come in we find you dead or in a really worse state already or something". "Sorry for the shock. Luckily you came just in time. I promise that I will tell you if I need you again" Kurt mumbles and closes his eyes.

Exhausted from the day Kurt falls asleep not long after. The nap helped him but it wasn't nearly enough to cover all the sleep he missed. In Blaines arms he can sleep better again. He doesn't need a sleeping pill to help him when he's in Blaines arms.

Blaine falls asleep not long after his boyfriend. He just holds him close, not ever letting go. He's glad that Kurt is okay. To some extend. Who knows what would've happened if Blaine came minutes later or really just read the text after school. Luckily that's only a row of 'what if's' in Blaines mind. They were lucky.

The next days are a challenge too. It never got that bad again but everyone had to remind Kurt from time to time to not cut them off. Kurt also works on that, trying to fight his defend mechanism but most of the time he doesn't really realize that he's doing it again because his head is somewhere else.

They never talked about the rough topics, only trying to keep their mids distracted. On the weekends they all watched a movie and on weekdays at school Finn and Blaine help Kurt to avoid the crowded hallways and calm him down if his mind starts ro race again.

On nights where Blaine had to go home Kurt still takes a sleeping pill but the other boy tries staying over as often as possible to avoid that Kurt has to take pills helping him sleep and to ease him over night.