Lazarus

Chapter 34

As soon as I stepped foot into the pack house the glares were all set on me, silently accusing me of Lazarus's current condition. I quietly followed Alex towards his office where Azrael was waiting for us. The anxiousness to see Lazarus was beginning to eat away at me, despite knowing how useless it would be right now to go. Azrael had explained that he was in surgery for one of his wounds, he didn't say what it was exactly, but it's severe enough for immediate medical attention. My thoughts soon focused in on the glowering pack members, their stares causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand. Their silent accusations caused my shoulders to slouch a little in defeat. My heart aching a little knowing all those smiles were fake, they were only for show so Lazarus didn't punish any of them.

"Ignore them," Alex suddenly whispered beside me as we climbed the stairs, flashing her own looks towards the pack.

Glancing around once more I saw they were still giving me death stares, as if I had personally attacked their Alpha.

They still don't trust me.

I pulled in a breath, knowing as long as I'm the enemy's daughter, they'll never see me as their Luna. Holding my head up high as I walked through felt as though my head was being weighed down by bricks. I didn't want to hold it up high, I didn't want to appear confident when their hatred was as clear as day. Even if Lazarus sees me differently now, the pack does not. They still see me as a threat, someone who cannot be trusted. At this rate, I doubt it'll ever change. I'll be blamed for every single attack until they have proof it wasn't me. I'm not going to spend my entire life in a pack who wait for me to fuck up so they can throw me away.

"There you two are. Is Monroe still with Lilly?" Azrael sounded, pulling me from my thoughts.

Alex nodded, "Ryan is...uh...he's handling seeing another werewolf male."

"He had a mental breakdown, didn't he?"

"Yup."

He shook his head, his lips up in a small smirk as we walked into the office. Sighing, he took his jacket off and tossed it onto the small couch before plopping down in his brother's chair.

"Lazarus had mumbled your name when some members found him, but it wasn't about you being a traitor. He was trying to tell them to go and grab you so you're safe. I'm sure the pack isn't being friendly, which I'll address after this," he explained.

I nodded, "They're just going to look for every excuse to hate me."

I couldn't help but be a little bitter, despite knowing how immature it was. I know it's part of my anxiety talking, convincing me they truly dislike me, but it's hard fighting it. I'm tired of fighting my own brain on wondering if someone approves of me or not, it's a never ending battle that I'm forever going to be stuck in.

"They don't hate you," he replied, giving me a disapproving glance.

I frowned, not trusting what he was saying. Maybe it's the anxiety telling me I don't belong here or the depression telling me no one will ever love me. Tearing my gaze away, I suddenly found the books lining the shelves more interesting. I could hear him let out a sigh before the door opened again and Margaret was suddenly hugging me.

"Are you okay?" She blurted out.

I nodded, "I wasn't the one attacked."

"Yeah, but whoever that traitor is could try something. I trust no one."

Glancing at Azrael and Alex they were both shaking their heads in amusement. I raised an eyebrow, giving them a questioning look before dragging my attention back to Margaret.

"We should investigate!" She announced excitedly, causing me to jump a little.

Alex sighed, "Margaret, you're not going to be a detective on this."

"But why?"

"Because this traitor may be dangerous, what if they're a warrior? You have never fought in a battle or even in training before," Azrael explained.

She frowned, "I train though, I could probably take them."

"You freak out when we spar," Alex pointed out.

"Because you're an intimidating opponent."

"I literally take a step to the side and you beg me not to rip your head off."

Pursing her lips, Margaret shrugged, "Still intimidating."

"Can we focus here?" Azrael groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose while Alex and Margaret continued bickering.

I stood quietly, watching them talk everything over, melting into my own world. Something within my mind was telling me to go see Lazarus, but I held myself back. Even if we're friends right now, I doubt my face is the first thing he'll want to see when he wakes up. The thought hurt though, wrapping its dark fist around my heart and trying to crush it as the idea of him not wanting to ever see me kept repeating in my head. Taking a deep breath to settle the anxiety building in my chest, I cleared my throat and interrupted them.

"I'm going to go lay down," I said softly. "I'm not feeling good."

Azrael gave me a worried look, "What's wrong?"

"Just light headed."

"Okay, are you okay if I have a warrior outside your door? Until we find this traitor I want someone with you, I don't want you getting hurt."

"He also doesn't want Lazarus to murder him if he wakes up to find out the traitor grabbed you or what not," Alex smirked, earning the middle finger from her cousin.

Margaret shook her head at them before frowning, "How do we know the traitor isn't a warrior?"

This had us going silent before Azrael nodded, "You have a point."

"I can stay with her," Alex offered. "Unless Margaret, you want to?"

"Or we both do? We can have a girl's day!" She cheered excitedly, bringing a smile to my face.

I grinned, "I think that's a great idea."

"Okay, just don't destroy the place," Azrael grumbled, walking towards the door. "I don't need him killing me over that either."