Lazarus

Chapter 36

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but when I woke up my hand was in Lazarus's as he slept. It felt strange to hold his hand, I almost expected it to be cold. However, his hand was really warm and almost comforting, making it difficult to decide whether or not I wanted to pull my hand away. Looking up at his face his eyebrows were knitted together and his forehead was dotted with sweat as he seemed to fight off an invisible enemy. Hesitantly, I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, causing him to relax a little.

"I guess I'm stuck here, huh?" I whispered, noting his grip was now tighter on my hand.

I studied him as he slept, finally allowing myself to let my attraction run free as I admired how handsome he was. His dark hair, dark lashes, perfect jawline, everything about him was perfect. But it's wishful thinking, I doubt the man has true feelings for me and even if he did, I couldn't stay within the pack. I can only imagine the chaos that would unfold if the pack was told Lazarus definitely wants me as the Luna. There would be an entire uprising, males challenging him, females challenging me, it would be madness. And that is what hurt the most, that even if we do fall for each other, we couldn't stay together.

Pulling away, I let go of his hand and grabbed my jacket before turning to leave. The sudden ache in my chest had me wanting to separate myself from the world, to be alone with my demons.

"Where are you going?"

I froze at the sound of his deep voice, I didn't turn around, I didn't do anything. I didn't know what to do, the man who was my sworn enemy was now the man that had me breaking my own heart. The man I now have the urge to protect from my so-called pack and mother.

"I thought I'd let you rest," I finally replied, turning to look at him.

His eyes were partially open, reflecting the pain he was feeling as he tried refraining from using pain medication. But there was also something else, a displaced emotion that had me tilting my head in confusion.

"No, you're the only one who....me" he mumbled, fighting against the drowsiness.

Giving him a soft smile, I walked back over and sat down, "I'll stay here until you fall asleep."

"Not sleep..."

"You make no sense right now, you sound half asleep."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Put...medicine...?"

"No, they didn't give you medicine."

"Good."

I chuckled, "Go back to sleep."

"Promise...you...stay?" He whispered, his eyes dull with panic.

Sighing, I grabbed his hand before unconsciously running my fingers through his hair. I didn't say anything as his eyes slowly closed and his body relaxed, I simply continued what I was doing. I'm not sure where this sudden confidence came from, I know I wouldn't be doing this if he was wide awake. Hell, I wouldn't be holding his hand if he was wide awake. Soft snores soon left his mouth, bringing a smile to my face.

"I'll stay," I whispered.

                                                                                   ~*~*~

"You smell like him," Alex commented as I walked out of the hospital.

I rolled my eyes, "Of course I do, I was there for like six hours."

"I was expecting it to be a short visit," Margaret yawned, stretching her arms. "Sleeping in those chairs aren't comfortable."

"Well, I didn't think you two would have followed me," I retorted.

Alex shrugged, "We're supposed to be your body guards right now."

"Right. Well, blame your cousin for not letting go of my hand and not wanting me to leave. Has anyone visited him lately?"

"No...I've been busy and so has Azrael."

I frowned, stopping as they turned to look at me, "You're his family."

"I know, I already feel guilty about it but Azrael has had me running all over," Alex explained.

"I think he was upset no one came to see him."

"If Azrael would let us free for a second, we'd love to visit him," Margaret spoke.

"We just didn't want to interrupt your moment," Alex chipped in, giving me a gentle nudge.

I chuckled, "Well, don't expect those moments to happen often. I doubt Lazarus has deep feelings for me and I don't plan on staying with the pack anyway."

"But-

"No. I'm done staying with packs that secretly despise me, one betrayal is enough," I stated firmly, cutting them off.

We didn't say anything as we made our way to the car, the only question asked was where we were heading now. Holding up his debit card, I mumbled Verizon before going silent again. I know they want me to stay, Alex and Margaret are the only two who probably love me and consider me family. However, my mind is made up and there's no changing it. I refuse to be hated again, a person can only take so much negativity before going off the edge. I'm not going to allow them to push me that far when I'm spending all my energy trying to fight against my dark thoughts and protecting them. Even if Lazarus offers me a place within the pack, I wouldn't be able to accept it. No matter my feelings for the Alpha.

I'll help them get rid of my mother and then I'll leave.