Lazarus

Chapter 39

I slowly pushed the door open, quietly cursing it out as it made a few creeks. Holding my breath, I attempted to sneak into the dark room, hoping my heart rate wouldn't wake him. I could see his silhouette still lying in my bed, his chest slowly rising and falling as his soft snores sounded. Tip-toeing towards my bathroom, I quietly prayed he would remain asleep and not question why I'm muddy at four in the morning.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned on the shower, glad to have gotten past the sleeping monster. As the shower sprayed down into the tub, I peeled my clothes off, making a face before dropping them into my laundry basket. My tense muscles began to relax as I stepped under the hot water, causing me to moan softly. I love that feeling when warm water just washes over you, relaxing your muscles and taking your mind off of things. It's almost like therapy at times. Yet, this wasn't one of those times as my mind took advantage of the quietness. It began slowly pulling those memories back, playing them through like a movie.

Thinking back to how my father tried being a good parent, but always backed down to my mother had that familiar anger bubbling within my gut. Part of me loves my father, knowing a piece of his heart adored me as his daughter and wanted the best thing for me. Yet, the other part of me felt bitter, wanting to scream at him, why? Why did you let her abuse me? Why did you let her abuse you? Why did you give into her toxic traits and adopt them yourself? The punishments, the verbal abuse, everything just played over and over again in my mind. I could feel the panic forming, making it difficult to breathe as I attempted to push the memories away. Tears blended with shower water as I dropped to the ground, letting out the sobs.

Why did she hate me so much?

The water felt like shards of ice slicing into me, but I couldn't gather the energy to care. I was paralyzed with the pain, the sobs beginning to become quieter now. I remained quiet when I heard the door open and someone shut the water off before holding a towel in front of me. I silently grabbed it and wrapped it around myself, but still sat on the ground, shivering and crying.

"You're pathetic."

Her words rang through my mind, causing my shoulders to slouch as I gave in to defeat. His arms were suddenly around me, picking me up and carrying me to my bed.

"You shouldn't be carrying anything," I mumbled.

He chuckled, "You're not damaging me by me carrying you."

I instantly curled up under the sheets, not giving a damn that I'm naked. His scent covered the fabric, flirting with my senses as I looked up at him. My mouth went dry at the sight of him, his muscles complimented by the rising sun and his sweatpants barely hiding the v line. I instantly stopped myself from looking further down and brought my eyes back to his.

"Are you going to tell me what caused that little breakdown or would you rather have some breakfast first?"

                         

I stared at him for a moment, unable to answer his simple question. Instead of answering it, I rolled onto my side and just stared at the wall as the tears silently fell. I could hear him groan before suddenly moving around. Peeking over my blanket, I furrowed my eyebrows when I saw him searching through my drawers and pulling out a pair of underwear. My face already felt hot when I saw the pair he chose, my lacy, black thong. Internally groaning, I shoved my face into the pillow, refusing to look him in the eye as he continued doing whatever it was that he was planning.

"I'm not the greatest at picking out outfits, but I'm assuming it's going to be a stay in bed type day for you," he spoke, placing something on my bed.

I looked at him again, shocked to see a pair of sweats and a black tank top lying on the corner of my sheets. Looking back up, I frowned, "Why are you being super nice?"

"Do you want me to be a dick?"

"No."

"Then don't question me."

"I'm not giving you anything for this."

He raised an eyebrow, "You think I'm doing this for sex?"

"No... for my trust. Shows what is on your mind."

His face paled, except for his cheeks that turned a bright red. Scratching the back of his head, he coughed a few times then finally answered.

"Sorry, most girls in the pack assume I do nice things for sex."

"Why is that?"

"I don't have the greatest reputation. I fucked around a lot in high school and as a young adult."

"And yet, only got Odessa pregnant."

"I was a lucky, yet stupid kid. My parents would have killed me if I got multiple girls pregnant, but I never thought of it until after Odessa."

"So, did you normally act nice for sex?"

His face was now fully red as he tried avoiding eye contact, "Most of the time, yeah. It was how I flirted, but now I just do it because I'm an Alpha. I'm supposed to care for my pack mates."

I looked at him, a small smile threatening to show. "I'm sure your parents would have been proud of you. Your daughter would have grown up with an amazing father."

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, making it now my turn to blush. He snapped his eyes to mine, ice blue orbs swirling with shock. For a while we just sat, staring at each other until one of us finally spoke. The way he looked at me had my heart racing and my stomach doing joyful flips, making me want to hideaway.

"I'm going to let you get changed, um...thank you for not kicking me out. Though, I'm confused, how did I get here?" He asked, frowning.

I laughed a little, forgetting that he was out cold when Alex dragged him in here. "You passed out in front of your cousin, she didn't feel like dragging Azrael into it and the infirmary was too far. So, she dragged you here."

"Ah...she could have just left me on the floor."

"You would have been cold."

"I'm used to it," he grinned.

I smiled, "Thank you, for taking care of me this morning."

"Anytime. Oh, and Persephone?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't go for a run at three or four in the morning, alone, ever again."

"Alex was with me."

"That's even worse."

"How?"

"She got herself stuck in the river last time. Margaret went to help and got herself stuck as well."

"Oh....hold on, how did you even know?"

"I saw you sneak in. You didn't think I was fully asleep, did you?"

Asshole.

~*~*~

"Blueberry or chocolate chip?" Lazarus asked, glaring at the box of pancake mix.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering if he knew what he was doing before remembering he had asked me a question. I shrugged, "Surprise me."

"Challenge accepted."

"So, you like to cook?"

"Sometimes, it helps relieve my stress and gives me some freedom."

"You don't have freedom as an Alpha?"

Lazarus gave a sad laugh, his eyes holding a somber shine as he tossed blueberries into the mix. "Not when it comes to expressing yourself. I'm expected to be cold-hearted, stern...emotionless. Alphas aren't supposed to be seen as fun guys."

"Why not?"

"Because...if my father wasn't a fun guy, then that rogue would have never attacked."