Lazarus

Chapter 35

The cold air blew in from the window as I quietly laid in my bed, thinking over everything that has happened. Almost two months of this has me feeling so mentally drained as if processing anything else will be nearly impossible. In just eight weeks I was thrust from my home pack into an enemy pack, discovered just how insane my parents, most specifically my mother, are, and found out I had a twin who passed away during birth. That I was the unexpected twin, the one they didn't want. I can't believe I was that blind towards their abuse and manipulation, that I had actually convinced myself they loved me. Though I know in a way my father did and he tried his best to show it. But he loved my mother, always listening to her instead of standing up to her.

Thinking over all of those moments, all those times where I begged for their approval only to be told I'm an embarrassment and failure to them. The slaps across my face whenever I spoke out of line, the hair yanking whenever I tried storming off, the whip whenever I challenged their title, the verbal abuse whenever I had a slip of attitude in my voice. All of it played through my mind like a movie reel, bringing back all of the pain, anger, sorrow, anxiety, and hopelessness. Closing my eyes, I allowed a single tear to slip through and roll down my cheek. I stopped fighting off the wave of emotions that were bottled up, I took that lid off and set them free. Rolling over, I released all of them as I sobbed and screamed into my pillow, getting rid of years of torture until my lungs were empty and my body was tired.

                                                                                                    ~*~*~

"Persephone?"

Opening my eyes I could still feel the stinging of dried tears, causing them to water a little before I rubbed them away. Looking over, I saw Alex and Margaret both frowning at me with sorrowful eyes.

"Are you okay?" Margaret asked gently, hesitantly sitting beside me.

I nodded, "I needed to get it all out."

"We know."

"I hate them."

"We know."

"I just...I just want this all to end."

"It will."

"I want somewhere to belong."

"You belong here."

Frowning, I shook my head, "I don't...not according to the pack. Every single time something happens they're going to assume it's me."

Sitting down, Alex shook her head, "I know it's hard to deal with, but they will trust you."

"When? After my mom kills me?"

They were silent, neither Alex nor Margaret said another word. I know I'm being difficult, but no one seems to see it from my point of view. I'm tired of all of this, yet no one can see that.

"How is Lazarus?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

Alex shrugged, "He's doing good, stubborn as ever though. They had to change his IV and he threw a huge fit over it."

"I don't blame him," Margaret cut in. "I hate those things."

"You hate all pointy things."

"This is true."

I smiled a little at their banter before standing up and throwing my hair into a messy bun. The urge to see Lazarus has been consistent, bugging me in the back of my mind and I'm going to finally listen to it. I want to see him myself, to make sure he's actually as okay as they say he is.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, following me as I walked out.

"To see the almighty Alpha," I replied.

                                                                                              ~*~*~

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I stepped into the infirmary, but it definitely wasn't odd stares and a few smiles. I didn't return any of the smiles, not trusting they were real. I'm not going to fall for their games again, I'm not going to act as though I'm blind to their distrust in me. I ignored the front desk woman as I followed his scent, not needing to know where he was. The sudden ability to track him down had me confused, but I didn't question it further as I reached his room. I hesitated at the door, wondering if he'll even want to see me or if I'll be able to handle myself. Taking a deep breath, I convinced myself to toughen up as I opened the door.

He's fucking shirtless.

"Perse?" He asked, staring at me in surprise.

Gulping down the sudden burst of attraction, I forced a smile as I made my way over to the bed. My eyes kept going to his muscled torso, eyeing the tattoos that only added to his appeal, making him look like an entire meal.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, clearing my throat.

He shrugged, "Not too bad, but I'm also hopped up on pain medication."

"What exactly happened?"

"I was told by some pack member that there was an attack on the border, but when I got there it was vacant. Then, someone shot me twice and several wolves attacked. I can't remember much after."

I frowned, noticing the bandaging on his abdomen. Sitting down beside the bed, I sighed, "I'm glad you made it out okay."

He raised an eyebrow, "You have some brain damage or something? I was expecting you to mumble something about me getting my ass handed to me."

"Once I'm more awake, you'll get a ton of that," I grinned.

"You aren't sleeping?"

"Just some anxiety, nothing I'm not used to."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Are you taking your medicine?"

"Not as I should be, but I'm trying."

He was silent for a moment, the same frown still in place as he looked confused for a second. "Do you have a reminder on your phone?"

"I don't have a phone."

"You don't? How come I'm so late to the party?"

I chuckled, "I don't exactly need one right now, so I never said anything or gave it much thought."

"Still, it would be better if you had one just in case. I'll have Alex take you and you guys can pick out a phone. However, I'll give you my card, do not let my cousin touch it."

"Did she spend it or something?"

"She made my account negative because she was annoyed with me. I don't need that again."

I nodded as a nurse walked in, giving us both a soft smile, "You are due for more pain medicine, unless you wanted to try and not have any? I know you're not a fan of pain medication."

He stared at his hands for a while before nodding, "I'll try without pain medicine."

I stared at him in shock while the nurse just had an exasperated look on her face. However, she didn't argue against it, knowing there was no winning when it came to Lazarus. After checking his vitals and ensuring he was healing fine, she excused herself and disappeared from the room. Raising an eyebrow, I focused on the injured idiot.

"No pain medication?" I asked.

He nodded, "I don't like taking it."

"Specific issues with it?"

"No, just makes me sleep all the time and I hate sleeping that much. You feel groggy, just messes you up."

I bit back more questions, not wanting to aggravate him. We sat in silence for a little while until he decided to put on a movie, needing something to focus on.

"It's a small tv, but you want to watch with me?" He asked, his cheeks holding a red tint to them.

I grinned, "I'd love to."