Lazarus

Chapter 41

I watched as the ice slowly melted along the creek, wondering how long it'll take for Lazarus to notice I decided to come out here alone. Being inside the house, training, and constantly being surrounded by others is becoming exhausting. I adore Alexandra and Margret, I'm beginning to like being around Lazarus but I need my space. When I lived with my parents I was always running around in the forest, catching frogs, walking along the part of the river that ran through our territory, listening to the birds sing or the wind race through the trees. I would enjoy nature, breathing in the fresh air as I went over whatever had happened that day to trigger my anxiety. It's my way of coping that isn't harmful, that doesn't require medicine, that is peaceful with barely any side effects. Except for coming back with muddy feet or messed up hair, driving my mother mad.

My mother.

I still have yet to truly understand what her mind comes up with, why she didn't just put me up for adoption of I was a burden. She's able to birth other children, she knows she is and she could have just replaced me. I know my mother only sees me as a pawn, well, did see me as a pawn. I know she's mentally ill, what condition is one I'm not sure about. She's unable to love anyone, even when we had a pet dog, she couldn't bond with him. She simply co-existed with the animal, unsure of what to do or how to play with him. Thinking about it now has part of me actually feeling sad for her. I can't imagine being unable to love or even bond with anything or anyone. Someone like that must be lonely, even if they don't realize it. However, she took her inability to feel sympathy for anything to an extreme. A true psychopath.

"I thought I told you this morning to not go out alone."

Thirty minutes. It took him thirty minutes to find me sitting along the hidden creek I managed to stumble upon. A sheepish grin graced my lips as I looked up at him, not having an excuse for sneaking off before anyone can find me. He shook his head, his eyes holding not an ounce of darkness or anger. He's amused, his eyes a beautiful bright blue that shined with silent laughter.

"I wanted some alone time, outside."

Taking a seat beside me, he nodded, "I can see. I don't blame you though, you have been going through a lot for the past month and a half."

"I don't understand her."

"Who?"

"Theresa. How can you birth a child...and not love them?"

He went quiet for a moment, his eyes clouded over with the thought, "Some aren't born with that ability. She could have a personality disorder that causes her to have a lack of compassion or emotion. What that disorder is? I'm not sure. There are many disorders that can cause her actions. Hell, she could have more than one. One could cause her to be unable to love anyone and the other can cause narcissistic and aggressive behavior. She's likely another victim of the system that lacks knowledge on the importance of mental health."

"A victim?"

"Despite the murder, she has done, she is also a victim of her poor mental health. It doesn't excuse what she did, simply explains it...in a way. She's smart enough to know what is right and wrong, she just doesn't care. As I said, she lacks emotion or the ability to feel. People like that can become dangerous when ignored. Disorders that cause this type of violent behavior are difficult to manage, especially as a parent when you have no experience or knowledge of it and can't get the help you need. I'm not sure if her parents got her the help and once she got older, she refused it or if they were unable to find anyone to help her in our world. In the werewolf world, it's hard. We can't just take her to a human specialist and trust that she won't shift in front of them."

I took in the information, understanding what he was saying. Monroe had mentioned something similar. While humans seem to work for a better system of help for those with mental disorders, we werewolves aren't. I know many werewolves are often born with this same issue, a flaw when Artemis designed us. Combining the DNA of a human and animal was bound to have cons, one being that animal instinct in us is stronger than the human emotions within. Which explains many, many of the narcissistic, dangerous Alphas I have met.