Stupid Love

22

I watch as I die for the 5th time in Phasmaphobia, I was never the smartest person when it came to games like that. I felt a vibration from my phone. It was a text from Mia, "Great just what I need." I said. I open my phone to Snapchat and half swipe on her profile to see what she sent. "I'm sorry." I roll my eyes as I ignore it and go to view my friends story's.

I scrolled through and smiled as I see all of my friends sharing their life with me, I miss them. I came across Joey's story, I hesitate. "Is this really what you want to see? It's probably about another guy," The voice in my head says. I close my eyes and exhale as I quickly open them and view it. It was a picture of her in my Colorado hoodie. The caption said, "I know you're mad but your hoodies make me warm, I miss you." A tear forms and falls from my eye and onto my cheek. It felt cold, I hated it. "Why?" I said out loud, looking for an answer, "Why do I love you?"

I reply to her story and typed "I miss you too.." I shut off my phone, she never usually replies the second I text her. Not anymore at least. I hear my phone vibrate again. It was a text from Joey, I opened up my phone as quick as I can. I go to her profile and see her message was "Can you call? It's okay if you can't." I replied with "Yeah just call whenever." A half smile came across my face when she said that.

My heart was for her but my mind was telling me "No" I hated it. I look down to see my phone vibrating even more. "Incoming call from: Jo-Jo" I closed my eyes and put my phone up against my computer. "Here goes nothing," I said to myself as I answered. It was quiet the first few seconds until She said "Hey,"
I replied "Hi,"

"How are you?" She asks with her smile that always intoxicated me, I missed seeing her smile so much. I hesitate about answering, "Good now that your here. I missed you. Why did you leave. I love you." It was all I wanted to say but I could only get out
"I'm good, How about you?"
"I'm doing okay I guess."
I kept a serious face on as she said it, I couldn't let her see me happy around her again.
"That's good," I replied
"Want to hear some clown shit?" She asks.
"What?" I asked.
" Guess who got their heart played with?" She says
"What happened?" I said.
"I was talking to this guy for the past 5 weeks and he just blocked me or whatever." She said.

"It's been 4 weeks since you said you wanted a break." I thought to myself. I closed my eyes, I wanted to scream. " I wouldn't have done that to you! What does he have that I don't? I fucking love you and you told me I need space, you didn't need space you wanted someone better!" I thought to myself.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said looking at her as she gives me a sad look.
"It's fine just kind of hurt about it." She says
"I'll be right back" I said as I rush to my door and into the bathroom. I close the door and keep the light off as I slide down the wall. My knees up to my face as I just sit there in the dark. I start to cry, my head starts going crazy and a voice I've never heard before speaks.

"See, I was never wrong. There was another guy and you weren't fucking enough to keep her around." Tears start falling out quicker as the thoughts kept attacking. "You could've saved her from heartbreak but instead you get to see her sad because someone else broke her heart.

"You're fucking worthless to her, just like everyone else. You had one job and it was to make her happy and you couldn't do that." I moved my hands onto my eyes as the tears began to seep into my skin. "What did I do wrong?" I asked. "Everything," my thoughts told me. I wiped off my tears and stood up, I had to face the fact that maybe my thoughts and that evil voice in my head was right. I turn on the light and see myself in the mirror. My face is red and wet.

I look horrible, as I wash my hands and my eyes. I shake my head and walk back into my room. The walk was long even if it was 10 seconds away. I felt every last piece of my heart was breaking. I was more sad about her being hurt than I was. I never want to see her like that. I go and plop back into my chair, she was waiting for me.
"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well." I said.
I couldn't think of any other excuse to come up with.
"Awe what's wrong?" She asks in a concerned look.

"The fact that you got hurt makes me sick? You're here talking to me when someone else could be doing a better job than me? The fact that I love you more than you could ever makes me a little sick." I thought to myself.
"Just my stomach is all. Nothing new." I said.
"I'm sorry," She says with her smile.
I forced a smile and didn't say anything.
"What's new with you?" She asks.
I felt my wall breaking, I was gonna cry again until I finally just opened up.

"Well I have a tryout for the NHL in a couple of days." I said with a forced smile.
She looked at me confused, "What's that?"
I smile, feeling the same way as if she never left. "It's the National Hockey League. I have a tryout with Colorado and Seattle." I said.
She smiles, " Wow, I'm so proud of you." She says.

"Colorado is offering me 700,000. They might send me to the minors until they need me but Seattle is offering me 5,000,000 and a roster spot. So instead of going to the minors for development I'd be put straight into the league." I said. Her eyes widened a little bit, her smile fades away slowly. "Who are you going with?" She asks.

I wanted to say Colorado, I would've loved to been on my favorite team, with my buddies watching me grow and become a better player. And a small hope of getting back with Joey.
"Most likely Seattle." I replied
Wow I'm an idiot.