Stupid Love

35

The mind is such a powerful thing, one that not many can control. It takes years of patience and dedication to be able to control parts of your brain. Sometimes, some people, they don't put the effort in. That leads to complications with the mind, overthinking, anxiety. Sometimes it's just better to let it control you, even if no one believes so.

I wake up, my hands run cold and my face is wet with my jaw shaking ever so slightly, like I'm cold. I roll over to my side and look at my phone. The screen brightens up the room as it reads 2:35 AM. I lay back down when I hear banging at the door.

I get up in just my underwear, I look down and question why I was sweating so much. "Was it a nightmare again?" I ask myself. I throw on a white tanktop and some shorts and walk over to the front door. I look through the peep hole, to my surprise it was two police officers. "Fuck," I mumbled. "Was this for what happened with Mia?" I thought to myself as I opened the door slowly.

"Hello officers, what can I do for you?" I ask softly, still trying to wake up. The officer on the left was a tall man with a beard and brown eyes. Mid sized for an officer, he looks as he works out more than most do. The officer on the right was a short blonde girl, She looks like she just joined the force not too long ago. They look like they're working together for the first time.

"Are you Maddi Midrazos roommate?" The girl asks.

I nod my head yes.

"May we come in? We have a lot to discuss." She insists.

I nod my head yes, "excuse the mess here, I haven't been around to clean it."

They chuckle and sit down. I sit down on the opposite side of them. Keeping a window open in case of a terrible situation. We didn't live on the safe side of town and with the police protests going on I wanted to be safe than sorry.

"We're here to let you know that Maddi  deceased about an hour ago." The man says.

The lady quickly says, "We don't know if you guys were close, did she have any relatives nearby or any people that took care of her?"

I nodded my head yes, a pure shock of energy rumbles through my body. I didn't feel this way since, my cousin. The pain starts down on the feet and slithers its way up my body, like a rapid infection.

"I never even got to say goodby," I say quietly.

The feeling of pain runs through my body, I feel as if everything shuts off besides my heart and my mind. I don't even know if I'm breathing. I never wanted to feel this way again.

"How- how did it happen." I ask, stumbling my words. I feel as if someone put me on Everest.

"We had a call from a neighbor about a car accident. She was found wrapped around the tree." The lady officer states.

"Was she drinking? High? What happened?" I started asking, rage starts to take over. I wanted answers.

"She passed all of the tests, she wasn't under any influence. We did find this letter to you." The man says, as he hands me a torn apart sheet of paper.

I open it and put it on the table.

"Dear Corbin, I'm so sorry. I wish I could explain. I couldn't handle this anymore. This life, I never felt good enough. I feel as if everything has always been my fault and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the stuff with Mia, I never knew about your history with her. I will always love you Corbs, I hope we meet again in the next life. Sincerely, Maddi."

I drop the paper to the table as my hand stays in the same spot. I can feel myself trying to hold back my tears, my breath fading away as I stop breathing.

"Can you take me to go see her?" I ask.

The officers look at each other but obliged. I followed them out of the apartment, locking it before I turn and looked up at the stairs. I feel as if I was in Maddi's shoes. I couldn't bring myself to think about it.

We finally go up the stairs and into the cop car. I get into the back and shut the door. My mentality felt as if my body did. Trapped, encaged. It was only a 5 minute drive for them, for me it felt like 5 years. I relived every memory I could remember with Maddi. I wanted to remember the happy times, all I can think about is the arguments and fights. Were they really worth it? I don't even remember the last thing I said to her. I get to live with that, for the rest of my life.

We make it to the crash site. It's off a county road, speed limits were higher and it was less likely anyone would be hurt besides her, I would know as I wanted to do that to myself at this very same spot.

The night lights up with red and blue, as a team of paramedics and police officers investigate the scene and clean up the after math. We stop and the lady lets me out of the cop car. Just as I stand outside of it I took a glimpse of the front seat.

There was a picture, a picture of Maddi. Blood ran down the tree as limbs and metal were all around her. Her neck was bent in a shape I never thought was possible. I walk over to the tree and look at the blood, it was still fresh. I looked down and saw her body already covered up. I knelt down and put my hand on her head.

"I'm so sorry Maddi."