Stupid Love

37

The cold brisk AC turns on and vents down onto my bed, I look over and see Ruby. She looks beautiful, sleeping so peacefully, she has her fuzzy mask to cover her eyes from the neon lights reflecting off of the bed. She's asked me before hand to turn them off and I told her that "I sleep with the lights on because they're nice and relaxing." That was a blatant lie, I just met her, little did she or anyone know what the nights entailed for me. I continued to look, admiring her naked body. Her chest in a perfect and soft form, her little hand tattoos on her hand and middle of her chest stand out when you first look. I begin to rub her back as I sit up and lay against the bed frame. I slowly start to close my eyes, finally a moment where I could hear my own thoughts. "I just met her and I love her already, I hope she's the one, the one for me." I thought, drifting away, thinking of what the future might hold, I hear it again. Maddi. She screams into my ears, leaving a ringing tone this time.

I don't engage, as it gets louder every second. I keep my eyes shut as I feel a hand touch my arm. I feel the hard squeeze as I hear, "Corbin! You are a liar and a fool!" I keep my eyes shut as the hand moves to shake me. "Corbin! You let me down, you let me die. How could you do this? Say something Corbin!" I breathe, heavy and cold as a shiver rolls down my spine and into my lungs. "Corbin! Corbin! Corbin!" I hear Maddi screaming my name as if it gets quieter each time until finally I woke up, I open my eyes and jolt my body up. "You're okay, lay down." Ruby says. I look down at her, she gives me a half awake smile, "Roll over." I say quietly. She rolls over with her back towards me, I look back at the door to my room, I can see Maddi's lifeless body standing by it. I roll over and face Ruby as I begin to rub her back and wrap my free arm around her. "I've never had someone rub my back before this much," She says. I smile until I feel a hand grab my shoulder, I knew it was just my imagination, it felt as if someone just pulled their hand out of a freezer. Another shiver runs down my spine when I hear Maddi whisper, "Enjoy it while it lasts Corbin." I close my eyes and reply to Ruby. "get used to it bugaboo." I say with all my might, my fear running through my body like a lightning bolt as the cold hand moves to my throat. I feel it wrap around as I open my eyes to see a noose wrapped around my neck, I look around to see where I am. I'm just above the bed, Ruby still peacefully sleeping as I can see myself holding her close. I look up to see Shawn, crawling across the roof. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I couldn't get anything out. As he floated towards me and screams my name. I can feel everything around me turning dark, I feel as if the world is collapsing around me, in my peripheral vision. I look into his dark eyes as everything goes dark.

I open my eyes and jolt up, I woke up, my face wet of tears and sweat as I stand up and get out of bed. I move my blankets over Ruby and kiss her soft forehead before walking out to the living room. I'm quiet as I leave, not wanting to wake her up. I walk over to my soft blue gaming chair, and sit down. Everyone through the house was sound asleep, so when I felt the presence of another being there, I knew in my heart who it was. I turn my computer on, and whisper, "Shawn, does it hurt?" I ask. "Yes Corbin, it hurts. It hurts when you love someone more than anything else in life." The ghostly voice echoed in my head. "You taught me how to love someone. Will my fate be the same as yours?" I whisper. The silence, it was deafening until I heard his ghostly voice, "You love her, the pain goes away when you go away." I bite my lip, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, nothing came out. The rage inside of me was as hot as lava, I wanted to destroy something. "The pain has never gone away, since you've gone away. All I see is your lifeless face in the coffin everyday. I see us burying you, I see that last time I saw you, it repeats in my head." I whisper, I can feel the dam breaking, I hold in my tears and anger.

"I feel better now, you will see how it feels in time." The voice echoes as I don't feel his presence anymore. I bite my lip and log into my computer, going straight for my music, I put my headphones in and begin listening to music. I made the brightness go all the way down and the lights off. Nothing but darkness, as my music fights with the voices inside of me. I lay my head down onto the desk and begin to close my eyes, until I feel a soft hand touch my shoulder. I keep fighting with myself, not wanting to move, just wanting to feel normal again for just a split second. It never came, I open my eyes and take my headphones off. I turn to look and see Ruby.

"Corbin, you need to come to bed please, I miss you." Ruby says. "I'm sorry, just couldn't sleep, was trying to tire myself out somehow." I reply moving her soft hand to my lips, I press them against her hand and release it. I regretted that, wishing I held on just a little longer. I stand up and walk her back to my room, tucking her back into bed, I crawl in with her. She moved to lay on my chest, she held my hand and said "Goodnight baby," I smile, "Goodnight bugaboo." I close my eyes, just so she believed I'd fall asleep. I opened them and looked up at the ceiling, the screams and crying came back to me. I couldn't sleep that night, they wouldn't let me. I stayed awake until sunrise, hearing them every single second might make someone go crazy, break down. I couldn't do either, it was going to make me crazy eventually, but for now, all I felt was pain, all i felt was sadness engulfing my body and mind. The pain wasn't as bad when Ruby was there, she made it go away for the small time I'd be able to focus on her. I rubbed her back all night, trying to keep myself calm, but in reality, I was thinking about giving up. Accidents happen at work all the time, it'd be easy.

As the sun rises I can finally hear myself think, finally. I get up and get dressed, Ruby was still sound asleep as I leave the room, grabbing my car keys and running out the house. I get into my car, the warm air energized me as I remember that she likes this weird tea with gummy balls or something. I turn on my car, heat blasts into my face as I open my eyes, feeling so happy, I'm determined to make this girl happy. I pull out of the driveway, I turn my music on as I look and see the beautiful mountains, lighting up by the sun. It was peaceful, it was beautiful, all that was missing was Ruby. I couldn't paint a better picture, it was such a beautiful day. The drive was around 5 minutes, no one was on the road this early, lucky for me I got to enjoy it. I get to the tea place, a little sketchy looking restaurant on a corner of the street next to the liquor store. I walk in and I'm greeted by the nice workers, not knowing what she'd like i order her a fruit tea and myself a oreos and creme one. I've never tried it before. I was willing to try a lot for this new girl, in hopes of keeping her around. I never thought i'd be able to do this, opening up myself to new foods and adventures. I kept this thought alive, they were really quick with the tea as I grabbed it and ran back to my car. I smiled, walking to my car and drive over to the grocery store across the street. I run inside and go pick out these golden yellow flowers, they reminded me of her favorite movie. I run back and get inside of my car and speed back home. I have no idea why I was in such a rush until I finally hear it. One loud scream, this time it was Ruby. I freeze as in her tone I hear her say "You're not going to like what happens down this path." I begin to hear the other screams, the ones of Shawn and Maddi. I scream, "Fuck it, even if you break my heart. I'm going to do everything I fucking can to love you with everything I have left." The voices stop, I smile and look towards the mountains. Just before I leave, I whisper, "Ruby, you have no idea what i'm going to go through to love you. But i'm going to anyways. No matter how much it hurts."