Stupid Love

41

The cold bitter air in the room fills my lungs as a vibration wakes me, I look to my side as Ruby left just hours earlier. I answer, expecting to be called to work until I hear Ruby's soft delicate voice on the other end. "Hi baby" She says, I can hear the smile from hundreds of miles away. I bring myself to wake up, my consciousness rising as I reply, "Hey hun, what are you up to?" I smile, hearing the softness of her voice always seemed to sooth me. "I'm just getting off work, I'm going to my friend's party tonight!" She says with so much excitement and enthusiasm. I smile, "I know, you're gonna have so much fun you've earned it." She giggles softly, "I know, work was really long and upsetting but it's going to be good for me, I might get drunk, just letting you know" I hesitate, feeling a gut punch, all I could do is flashback to when Maddi died. Seeing Ruby in the same situation, my leg begins to shake violently and my skin goes cold. "Okay hun, just be safe for me okay?" I reply, giving everything I could to get those few words out, I feel drained just thinking about it. I still barely knew her, I shouldn't have cared so much but I did. "You okay?" She asks.

I freeze, my gut tells me that she could be in trouble. I always wonder if I just worry too much, I got that trait from my grandma. "Yeah I'm okay, just be safe and if you need a drive text your aunts or I can come get you." I say, hoping she would pick the ladder. "No it's okay, have a fun night babe I love you." She says, a shiver runs down my spine as she uttered the words. "I love you so fucking much Ruby." Saying it, as if it's the last time I would ever be able to say it, my thoughts racing back to the moments I can't unsee, the memories I wish I could get away from. I hang up the phone and get out of bed. I don't notice Shawn or Maddi, I don't hear screaming from them for once, I feel numb. The burning sensation of something wrong is going to happen is tearing me up. I take a deep breath and walk out of the room and into the game room. I sit down and just stare at the darkened room, looking at my reflection.

I turn on my computer, it went straight to my tab I was working on. Wedding rings, with Ruby's finger size. I loved the red jade ring I found, I had it in my cart hesitantly waiting to purchase it. I scroll through the website, putting my headphones on and listening to "Lovers rock" by TV girl, it was a catchy song Ruby showed me, anything I could do to calm myself. I look through more rings as I contemplated a choice until a felt a slight buzzing.

I pull my phone out as it begins to vibrate again, this time from an unknown caller. I answer it, "Hello?"
"Corbin?"

It's Joey, it's been months since everything happened. I didn't know how to feel, I stutter as I reply. "Joey?" She sounds out of breath, "Hey I'm just gonna talk to you because I want it to sound like someone is coming to pick me up." I rise my eye, "what are you talking about dude?" I ask, "I'm not sober and someone is following me." My heart sinks, I rush to grab my keys and wallet as I slip my shoes on. "I'm only 10 mins away I can give you a ride back to your campus." I say, rushing up the stairs. "No it's okay-I'm okay." She says, ignoring her I go out to my car as I rush past my best friend Will. "Bro please, I'm not doing this to get anything out of it, I just want to make sure you're home safe and not followed." I reply, pulling my hair in frustration. I open the garage and open my car door and fall inside before she can reply, "No I'm really okay I'm still like 5 mins away from the campus, I'm sorry for calling you like this." I shake my head, "Where are you I'm on my way." I reply, "Corbin stop okay, just stop I don't want that." I close my eyes and lay my head onto the steering wheel.

"Joey, I promise we can go back to not talking after this, I just want you to get home safe." I reply, there's quietness over the phone before I hear anything. I throw my car into reverse and gun out of the drive way. I speed through the town, I begin to dial 9-1-1 into the phone until I hear. "I made it back, I'm okay. Thank you again Corbin" I look down at my speedometer as it reads 85 and slowly begins to decrease after hearing her say that. "It's no problem, I didn't do much anyway," I reply. She laughs "you never did. Have a good night buddy." She hangs up the phone, I slowly exhale as I pull into this strange neighborhood. I check my phone, feeling as if it was only 2 mins ago, but to my surprise it's been 3 hours since I woke up. My leg begins to shake again, the gut feeling of Ruby being in trouble only grew stronger. I look up to the ceiling, "please tell me I'm just overthinking."

I safely begin to drive back home, I check my phone to see if Ruby was still partying, but to my surprise she's at this different house. Confused I shoot her a text, "Hey Where are you?" She replies quickly, "I'm at my exes house." I feel my body shut down as my hands grow cold, my heart sinks into my chest and my vision becomes blurry. "Why? Aren't you drunk?" I reply. "Yes but I want to talk to him," I shake my head, I knew exactly what that meant as I begin to call her, she answers in a slurred tone. "What?" I can feel myself beginning to tear up, as if my heart was shattered into pieces, "Babe please go home." I say softly, "No we're not even doing anything." I can feel my breathing getting heavier than before, as if I ran a marathon, "Please Babe don't do this," I beg, "You just need to calm down, I'll be gone in 5 mins" She says, I watch as her location disappears. I shut mine off and begin to drive towards her. My tears begin to flow faster than a stream, "Okay, I love you." She hangs up on me, as I begin to feel my heart break even more than before.

My mouth begins to shake as I feel colder and colder with each passing second, mins turn into hours from not hearing from her until Will calls me. "Hey bud what's wrong?" My heart, still broken, the tears still fresh as I snap at him. "Ask Ruby." He hesitates and merges the call with Ruby, as she tells him that she went to her exes house. She tells him that they didn't do anything but he kissed her. I feel like I did before, with Joey but worse. The road narrowed and I never thought I'd feel the sensation of driving off again but it felt like my only option. Will asks calmly "Did you kiss him back." She begins to cry and say she misses and loved me. I don't feel anything, the gut feeling fades as it becomes reality. Ruby begins crying into the phone to Will as he hangs up the call and calls me directly. I pull off to the side, slam my head into the steering wheel and the tears flowed like clockwork.

"What am I doing wrong?" I asked Will, crying until it hurt to breathe, I feel my leg shaking so hard, it felt like it was going to come off. "Buddy it's not you," He says. I lose my vision from the moister, seeing the black spots circling my vision. "I try so fucking hard buddy. I try so fucking hard and all I get is my heart broken." I scream, the tears now flooding the steering wheel. I look up and can see her town in the distance. "I love her so much!!!" I scream, I exhale as I force myself to stop. I put the car in drive and make a U turn. "Buddy?" Will asks. "Yeah." I reply. "It'll be okay," I shake my head. "She was my dream girl. I gave her the last little bit I could buddy." I say softly, "You're just gonna have to make a choice then buddy." He says, "I choose her, I'll always choose her. Because I'm not loving a godamn soul after her." I say, pushing extra hard on the gas pedal. Everything fades into darkness, as I begin to lose feeling.