Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 18

The night went on as we played different card games. Most of the games I knew but they had to teach me a few. I was enjoying spending time with Sirius and Remus. We had more mature conversations than I normally have with the twins, but they were still able to goof around. Remus appeared to be the more serious of the two. When I looked into his eyes, he seemed tired, wary, as if he had fought many battles in the past. I wanted to ask him what's underground, but I understood now that Dumbledore often gave secret missions that the rest of the Order didn't know about.

Once Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went to bed, Sirius opened a bottle of gin and made us drinks as the night went on. Sirius grew louder the more drinks he had, but Remus appeared to hold his liquor well. I felt the alcohol in my system, it made socializing easier.

Sirius set down his cards and rubbed his eyes. "Fuck, I'm dizzy."

"Maybe you should stop drinking," Remus said lazily, as if they've had this conversation many times before.

"I'm fine," Sirius said in a voice that did not sound fine.

I laughed as I leaned back into my chair and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked me, his eyes on me.

"I'm just taking in the present," I waved a hand lazily in front of me.

"What does that even mean?" Sirius laughed.

"I'm just taking in the fact that right now, nothing is bothering me, nothing is stressful," I said, opening my eyes again.

"Sounds peaceful," Remus commented, putting his cards down in the pile at the centre of the table. He started shuffling the deck, as if it was a habit of his. "Another round?"

"I can't even see straight," Sirius said, closing his eyes momentarily. "I think I need to go to bed."

"Do you need help?" Remus asked, as Sirius stood with great difficulty.

"Nope," Sirius said as he stumbled out of the room. "G'night."

"Night," I replied.

Remus began putting the cards away. "I should go too."

"Are you tired?"

"A bit," he said. "I don't sleep much."

"How come?"

"I guess I don't take in the present enough." He looked at me and I noticed some sadness in his smile, some truth in his words. I wanted to hug him, but I didn't know him enough.

"You know what helps with that?" I said as I got up to put the deck of cards in the cupboard.

"What?" Remus asked as he watched me cross the room.

"Getting laid." I turned and smiled at him.

Remus laughed. "You wouldn't be saying that if you weren't drunk."

"Probably not," I agreed. "But it's true." I turned to put the cards away then looked back to find Remus watching me.

Our eyes lingered on each other for a moment, as if we were saying a million words in our silence.

"I really should go," Remus said quietly as he got up from his chair.

"You sure?" I asked him, sluggishly.