Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 39

I quickly glanced at Severus, who's index finger was pressed to his lips, indicating for me to keep my mouth shut. We both stood frozen, eyes lingering between us and the door. I glanced to the desk, trying to communicate my thoughts to Severus. Should I hide? Severus shook his head slowly, telling me to stay still. 

The person knocked again, this time louder than before. I strained my ears, trying to hear anything that might indicate who it is. Another knock. 

I crouched down, trying to make as little noise as possible. Severus mouthed some words to me that I ignored. I got on my stomach, trying to see beneath the door. I could make out shoes, but it was too dark to discern colour or style. Someone sighed from the other side of the door, then the feet walked away. 

A moment passed before I lifted myself from the floor. Another few moments before either of us spoke. 

"Were you expecting someone?" I asked in a hushed whisper. 

Severus shook his head before sitting behind his desk. 

I was standing behind Dumbledore's office door, taking some deep breaths before knocking. It had been weeks since the incident with Severus, and now April was coming up quick. Severus and I had countless other meetings, none of them were disturbed, thus we quickly forgot about the mysterious knock at the door. 

I hesitated before reaching my fist up to the wooden door, knowing whatever was waiting for me on the other side probably wasn't good. I've been bugging Severus to talk to Dumbledore about letting me attend the Order's meetings again, and he finally agreed. However, I knew Dumbledore wouldn't actually let me leave Hogwarts, and Severus probably didn't try too hard to make it happen. 

I finally got the courage to knock. After being let in, a took a familiar seat across from Dumbledore. Severus was standing by his desk. I eyed them both, annoyed Severus was always in these meetings. 

"Miss l/n," Dumbledore said, "how are you?" 

"I could be better," I said, annoyed already. 

Dumbledore gave me a knowing look so I went on.

"If you just let me leave, I could help." 

"It is far too dangerous at the moment," Dumbledore explained. 

"I'm not afraid of Lucius," I shot back. 

"Maybe you should be," Severus muttered.

"I know you're not afraid, Miss l/n," Dumbledore said. "You have an incredibly brave heart and I admire that." I blushed. "However, it is my duty to protect you as my student. I cannot continue to put you in danger." 

"I'm useless here." I crossed my arms. "I can do more." 

"I am quite aware of that," Dumbledore said. "You are a student above all else. Rejoice in the fact that all you are responsible for is learning. Be young, have fun with your friends, try not to concern yourself with other matters at this moment." 

"I'm sorry sir, but you have to be joking," I said in disbelief. "You-Know-Who is a threat to all of us, he doesn't discriminate due to age. Being young doesn't matter. If I want to help, why can't I?" 

"You are helping by staying safe," Dumbledore went on. "You are no use to us, to the Order, to the greater good, by being captured by Lucius Malfoy." 

"Please sir," I begged. 

"That is my final word, Miss l/n." 

I slumped back in my chair, defeated. I couldn't help but shoot a dirty look towards Severus, however was surprised to find an expression of remorse on his face. 

"Discussing your liberty is not why I asked you here today, Miss l/n." Dumbledore leaned forward, a serious expression in his eyes made my stomach drop. 

"It's not?" I asked. 

"No." Dumbledore paused before speaking again. "School is coming to an end, as you know. I need to ensure your protection after you graduate as well. As Professor Snape has mentioned many times, Lucius will not stop looking for you, it is dangerous for you to step foot anywhere but the school." 

I looked at Severus curiously, and he mirrored my confused expression.

"I have made the very difficult decision," Dumbledore went on, "to send you home, to Canada, once the school year ends." 

"What?" Severus and I asked at the same time. 

"This was not an easy decision, but it is the safest one." 

"No," I stated. "I'm not going home. I want to stay and fight." 

"I understand that, and at some point you might be able to come back. But until then, you need to remain hidden." 

"I-I can't go home," I pleaded, reality sinking in. "My friends are here." Severus is here, I wanted to say. 

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore said with a somber expression. "It is only temporary." 

"You can't force me," I said. "Right?" 

"I have instructed the ministry that you are not to stay after graduation." Dumbledore looked in pain when he said this. "It is already done." 

"Se-" I shook my head, trying to bring common sense back to me. "Professor Snape, please tell him I can't go back." 

Severus looked at me for a long moment before speaking. "It is for the best." 

"Are you serious?" My heart sank into my stomach. I felt like was going to be sick. 

"It is no longer safe here for you," Severus said, voice calm and collected. "I agree with Professor Dumbledore. The safest place for you is Canada." 

What the actual fuck. Hot tears sprang to my eyes and I blinked to try to get rid of them. I stood up from my chair, bile rising in my throat. I walked out of the office without another word.