Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 44

Severus was pushing me along down the familiar path to Hogsmeade. 

"What does your friend know?" Severus asked, his arm wrapped securely around my waist. 

"She just knows we've had a relationship together. I didn't go into detail." 

"What does that mean?" 

"She promised she would keep our secret if we stopped seeing each other." Severus turned his face away from me. "I guess it worked out." 

There was a silent sadness hanging between us, as if gravity itself was stronger today, pulling me closer to the ground. I wanted to lay down and forget the world. I stopped myself from thinking, knowing if I got lost in my mind, I wouldn't be able to come out of it. My heart felt heavy and it took everything in me to not turn around and refuse to leave. 

"Where's Dumbledore?" I asked again.

"I'm not sure," Severus said, looking ahead. It was getting late and a fog settled onto the grounds. 

"Why did Umbridge take over?" I continued questioning him. I was curious, however it was more to get my mind off of the reality I was facing. 

"Apparently," Severus said slowly, "there has been a type of secret club at the school where students started practicing defensive spells." 

"Really?" I asked, impressed. "What does that have to do with Dumbledore?" 

"I may be wrong, but I have a feeling he took the fall for it to protect Harry Potter. Now the ministry is looking for him." 

"You're kidding," I said. We remained silent for a little while longer, walking quickly down the path. "What's going to happen now?" 

"I don't know," Severus answered sombrely.  "But it's probably not good." 

We were almost at the gate that led into the small village. Panic started rising in my chest. 

"Severus." I pleaded. 

"Don't," he muttered. "It's hard enough as it is. Do not beg me anymore." 

I turned to face him outside of the gate. "I could stay at Grimmauld Place."

"Y/n," Severus looked stern and cold. "You must go." 

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with everything I had left in me. He kissed me back, harder than he's ever kissed me before. My hands explored his back, wanting to remember the feel of him. He held me by the waist, drawing me in closer. 

I wished more than anything we were back in his office and he was undressing me. I craved his touch but knew time was running out. 

Severus broke away first. He met my eyes and I tried to memorize every inch of his face. 

"We have to keep going," he whispered. 

He let go of my waist and took my hand in his. We walked through the gate. 

Once in the village, we saw Remus sitting on a bench. When he saw us, he leapt up and met us halfway. 

"Anything?" Severus asked.

"No sign of anybody," Remus answered. "It's quiet." 

His eyes lingered down to our hands and Severus let go quickly. Remus cleared his throat.

"Ready?" Remus asked me.

"Will you let me stay if I say no?" I asked. 

"Go." Severus's deep voice spoke. 

Remus held out his arm for me to take. I looked back at Severus. There was a million things I wanted to say, but couldn't. I hoped he saw all of it in my gaze. He held my eyes for a few moments, then looked away. 

"Bye," I said in a hushed voice. 

Severus nodded. 

I grabbed Remus's arm and the world, including Severus, spun into oblivion.

We landed in an empty field that seemed to go one forever. Remus immediately started walking with purpose. I jogged to keep up.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Just outside of London," Remus answered, gaze set on something in the distance. "Dumbledore has arranged for you to finish your studies in Canada. Everything is set." 

"You guys did that really quickly," I remarked.

"Dumbledore knew it wasn't safe for you once he left. He saw this coming." 

"Of course he did," I mumbled to myself. 

He stopped short of a crushed tin can of soup on the ground. Remus turned to look at me. 

"I can stay," I muttered, looking at the tin can. "I can fight. I don't need school." 

"You will fight," Remus said, touching my arm compassionately. "But first, you will graduate." 

"Remus." I took a deep breath, tired of crying. "Will you - can you just look after Snape for me?" 

"What do you mean?" Remus asked.

"Just promise me you'll update me on how he's doing." I met his eyes, concern lingering behind his stare. "I don't think I could bear it, not knowing." I bit my lip. I needed to ask this of him, I needed something. 

"Y/n..." Remus searched my face. 

"Please Remus," I asked again. "I... He-" 

"It's ok," Remus interrupted. "I don't need a reason. I'll keep you updated when I can." 

"Thank you." I embraced him for a long time.

His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. 

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself," I said, my words muffled against his chest. 

"I will if you do," Remus answered. 

We broke apart. "Can you tell Sirius goodbye for me? And tell Mr and Mrs Weasley thank you?" 

"You can always tell them when you come back." Remus smiled. "You should go. The can, it's a Portkey." 

I looked back down at the can that would send me home. 

"Goodbye, y/n," Remus gave a small wave of his hand. "Until we meet again." 

I smiled at Remus, unable to speak any longer. I grabbed the Portkey, and through blurry tears, watched the world I loved disappear.