Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 34

I went to class furious with Severus. Mack questioned my mood but I easily brushed her off. I hardly paid any attention to the lecture, my thoughts elsewhere. I completely messed up the candle holder we were meant to transfigure into a tropical bird. I accidentally turned mine into a snake that slithered away in fright, students screaming as it passed by. After losing my candle holder/snake, I simply watched Mack practice on her own. As I watched Mack turn her candle holder into a wooden seagull for the fifth time, I silently vowed to not let Severus interfere with my work in the Order. I would keep those two things separate as much as I could. He could be mad all he wanted, I no longer cared... at least that's what I told myself.

After class, Professor McGonagall asked to speak with me so I made my way to her desk as students were rushing to their next class. 

"Take a seat, dear," Professor McGonagall said, gesturing to a chair that faced her desk. 

I did as she told me to when the door to her class opened. Severus walked in, a look of confusion crossing his face upon seeing me. 

"You asked for me?" he said, quickly controlling his facial expression.

"Ah, yes, Professor Snape," McGonagall said. "There appears to be a snake loose somewhere in the castle. Would you be able to locate it and dispose of it before it frightens more students?"

"There is a snake... in the school?" Severus said slowly, his eyes darting to me. 

"That is what I said," McGonagall said, smiling slightly. 

"How?" Severus asked.

I quickly looked down at my hands, embarrassed. "It does not matter how. Please, Severus," McGonagall dismissed him.

"Of course," Severus said. He left the classroom, leaving McGonagall and me alone.

"I'm so sorry about that, Profess-" I started apologizing. McGonagall held up a hand to stop me.

"No need for that. When I was your age, I accidentally transfigured a beach ball into some rather angry hornets." 

I let out a laugh. "Seriously?" 

"Sent my Professor to the hospital wing." McGonagall winked at me and I laughed. "We all have days where we're not feeling quite ourselves. Am I correct in thinking this might be one of those days for you?" 

"I guess," I said. "I'm fine, I just need rest." 

McGonagall appeared deep in thought for a moment. "As Head of Gryffindor House, you can come to me if you need to talk." 

"Thank you, Professor, I appreciate that. I am fine though." I honestly just wanted to be alone. "There's just been a lot going on, once I sleep I'll feel better." 

"I knew putting you in the Order while you were a student was a bad idea," McGonagall said absentmindedly. 

"What?" I asked. "You know about that?"

"Of course I do. I agreed with Professor Snape that you should focus on your studies, but Professor Dumbledore disagreed." 

"Why does nobody think I can handle this?" I asked hopelessly. 

"We know you can handle this, Miss l/n, it's simply a lot to handle. For anybody." 

I sighed and looked out the window, wanting to run away from this conversation. 

Professor McGonagall leaned in. "Would you like me to speak with Professor Dumbledore? We wouldn't want this to impact your studies." 

"No, don't. It's not even the Order that's the problem."