Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 27

I didn't make it far down the dungeon corridors before Severus caught up with me and grabbed my arm. The corridors were mostly empty, students most likely eating breakfast in the Great Hall. I made to yell but Severus's hand clamped over my mouth, muffling any sound I made.

A student walking away from us briefly turned to look at us and Severus's hand fell from my mouth. Before I could say anything, Severus spoke.

"Go!" he ordered the first-year.

The student ran away, looking terrified. Snape's hand went back to my mouth and he dragged my into his office, my feet kicking and mouth screaming against his hand. He pushed me in and closed the door, blocking it with his body. He was slightly out of breath and I felt pride in putting up such a fight.

"If you kill me, they'll figure it out," I told him.

"I'm not going to kill you," Severus said, eyeing me.

"Then what are you doing?" I asked.

"Listen to me, y/n," Severus said. "If you tell Dumbledore that you saw my mark, he will know we've been sleeping together."

I couldn't believe him, and I stared at him for a moment with my mouth agape. "I don't think that's really going to matter when he learns that you're a Death Eater."

"Stop saying that," Severus started sounding angry. "I'm not a Death Eater and if you listen for a mere moment I can explain this to you."

I went to take my wand out, but Severus was ready for it this time.

"Expelliarmus!" Severus shouted. My wand flew from my hand and landed in his.

I crossed my arms defiantly, internally screaming at the fact that I was powerless against him.

"Dumbledore knows about the mark," Severus said again. "He knows because I showed it to him."

"I don't believe you," I said.

"I was a Death Eater a very long time ago," Severus said, looking ashamed. "I... had darkness within me and I thought serving the Dark Lord was the only way. I quickly learned how wrong I was." He took a couple steps to me. "I wanted to switch sides so I sought Dumbledore's help." He continued walking towards me, feet from me now. "He agreed. So I serve him by being a double-agent. I still play the part of a Death Eater to gather information for the Order. But I am not a Death Eater."

I looked at him, considering his story for a moment. "Why didn't you just tell me then?"

He stopped walking. "For the same reason that you don't tell the Weasley twins about your mission. The same reason you don't tell your friends about me. I don't tell anyone in the Order to protect them, to protect you."

"I-" I didn't know what I wanted to say. The part of me that hurt refused to believe him, but the part of me that still cared wanted to.

"If I could take you to Dumbledore so you could hear it from him, I would," Severus said. When I remained silent, he went on. "Think about it, y/n. Dumbledore is an intelligent man, I couldn't hide this from him."

I chewed my lower lip, thinking. "How is he so sure you're on our side?"

"He trusts me," Severus said simply.

"Not good enough."

Severus sighed. "Look," he paused, thinking. "There are reasons for what has happened, for my being here right now. You need to trust that Dumbledore trusts me without needing a reason for it. If you trust his judgment, then you will also trust me."

I considered this for a moment, tears filling my eyes again. I was so tired from fighting and crying.

"I need time," I said finally.

Severus looked taken aback. "Of course."

I made to walk past him to leave but he grabbed my arm. "Can you please assure me that you will not tell a soul about this?"

"OK," I said quietly. "For now."

He let me go, and I left his office. I walked not knowing where I was going but knowing it wasn't class. My head was filled with too many things and I needed time to process.