Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 20

A blanket of snow covered Hogwarts grounds over the next couple of months. The rest of the semester went by quickly. There were no more Order meetings until the Christmas break and that allowed me to focus on the piles of homework and assignments I had. Snape did assign me more complex potions, which he expected me to complete and return to him for evaluation. This often led to us having sex in his office, so I wasn't completely annoyed by it. It also served as a great excuse for being with him more often.

I sat in my bedroom at Number 12 Grimmauld Place on the first day of the Christmas break. I listened to the Order trickle in downstairs, coming for another meeting. When it sounded like the traffic had slowed, I made my way downstairs. I spotted Snape standing against a wall in the dining room and I went to stand next to him, gently touching his arm to signify my presence. Snape quickly glanced down at me, then looked back up, a hint of a smile on his lips. I was standing close to him, closer than other students might feel comfortable being, but I didn't care. I could smell him and I didn't want to move away.

Fred and George sat at the table with Sirius and Remus. Mrs. Weasley was shooing them away.

"You're too young!" she said, trying to get them to stand up.

"Y/n is allowed to stay," Fred protested, brushing his mother's hands away from him.

"She's 18," Mrs. Weasley said, shooing the boys out the door.

"Aw, c'mon mum," George whined.

"Out. Now," Mrs. Weasley said firmly.

The twins left the room and the door shut behind them. I knew they would try to listen in.

I scanned the room to see that most of the Order had already arrived and Dumbledore came out from the kitchen with a cup, of what I suspected to be tea, in his hands. He sat down and sipped his tea quietly.

I met Sirius' gaze as my eyes swept the room. He was staring at Snape and I intently. For a brief moment, I feared what he might suspect of us, especially since he admitted to seeing Snape leave that one morning. I quickly disregarded this thought. He most likely would have said something by now as I spent most of the morning chatting with him and playing cards.

The meeting started and it was much of the same as last time. Dumbledore checked in with most members for information, skipping over Snape, Sirius, Remus and myself. I found myself wanting to be more useful to the Order. I understood these meetings were to allow myself to learn, but I felt agitated doing nothing at all. I started to understand how Sirius felt.

Kingsley and Mad-Eye Moody were having a heated discussion about our next moves when Snape sighed.

"Bloody waste of time," he said under his breath as he checked his watch.

"You should stay tonight," I whispered so just Snape could hear me.

"Can't," Snape answered back as if this explained everything.

I turned my head towards his ear, hoping everyone was distracted enough not to notice.

"Then when?" I asked, slightly annoyed at his dismissal.

"We shouldn't talk about this here," Snape said, barely moving his lips.

I turned my eyes towards Sirius, feeling his gaze on us. He was watching us with an expression I couldn't read, a slight smile on his lips.

I raised an eyebrow to question his gaze but he simply looked away. I wondered how long he was watching us for.

Snape appeared to notice as well, being careful not to speak to me, or give me any attention the rest of the meeting.