Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 31

The next evening, I located Mack in a corner of the library, books sprawled onto the table in front of her. She was so deep into her studying that she didn't hear me approach. The lantern on her table flickered and I looked around to make sure there weren't any prying ears. 

"Mack?" I asked tentatively. 

Mack jumped, clearly startled by the interruption. "Jesus Christ, y/n, you scared me." 

"S-Sorry," I said. "Can I?" I gestured towards the empty chair across from her. 

Mack nodded. I sat in the chair, trying to think through what to say next. 

"Speaking to me again, are you?" Mack said bitterly. I didn't blame her for being mad. 

"I'm so sorry, Mack, really." I looked at her desperately, trying to find the right words. "I don't know how to make it up to you."

"You can start by telling me what the hell has been going on," Mack said. I looked down at the table, hesitant, so Mack kept speaking. "I mean I have a hunch but I don't even want to say it, it's so crazy." 

"Mack..." I looked up at her.

"Who gave you those hickeys?" 

"Corey," I said flatly. "During potions that day, we skipped." I answered a little too quickly, words spilling out of me as if I had rehearsed them, which I did but I didn't want her knowing that.

Mack looked into my eyes as if she could see the truth in them. "That still doesn't make sense." 

"Mack, I have to tell you something," I said. Mack raised an eyebrow, waiting. "During dinner, I was with Snape and Dumbledore." 

"Was Fred right? You're snogging Dumbledore?" My heart steadied once I heard the laughter in her voice, somewhat faded but clearly there.

"No, of course not," I sighed a breath of relief. "Dumbledore and Snape wanted to talk to me about a future career teaching here. My grades in potions have been good and Snape see's potential in me. That's where I was during dinner."

"Really?" 

"Yes, and I was going to tell you but, I don't know, things just escalated."

"Why were you avoiding me, y/n?" 

"I didn't want to tell you about Corey," I said, trying to appear shameful. "It's just... It's messy and I don't know how I feel about it." 

"You can tell me anything, I thought we've already made that clear." 

"We did," I said. "I just forgot. I'm not used to having close friends. I usually don't share anything with anybody." 

"You promise me that's everything?" 

"I do," I said confidently, meanwhile my heart sank for lying to her. 

"You understand why I was concerned right? It just seemed, for a moment, that there was something going on with you and Snape." 

"That's crazy," I said, smiling. 

"Yeah, I guess it is," Mack smiled back. 

Mack and I talked for a little while longer, catching up on the week we've been apart. We left the library soon after and headed for the dorms. 

That weekend, I found myself walked to Hogsmeade alone through the snow. I made it to the small village to find Remus leaning against a brick wall, reading the Daily Prophet. 

"Hey, stranger," I said to announce my presence.

"Ah, you're here," Remus said, folding the newspaper and putting it into his coat pocket. 

"They've sent you to escort me?" 

"Don't look too disappointed." 

"I'm not," I quickly said. "They usually get Snape to take me."

"Dumbledore specifically requested me." 

"Why?" 

Remus gave me a knowing look, as if to tell me that I already knew why. I dropped the subject.

"I can just take myself, you know? Why doesn't Dumbledore trust me?" I asked.

"Dunno, I'm just following orders. Ready?" 

Remus extended his arm and I grabbed it. I closed my eyes tight and when I reopened them, we were standing in front of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. 

We started making our way in, and I wondered why I was even asked to come to this meeting. Most meetings had nothing to do with me, and I rather have spent the weekend sneaking into Severus's office. 

"I think we're late," Remus was saying as he opened to door for me. 

Sure enough, we walked into the dining room as the meeting was taking place. Dumbledore spoke from one end of the table about the recent mass breakout. 

I glanced around the room, my eyes landing on Severus. I made my way to him, stopping a few feet away, realizing Sirius was watching me from his usual chair. Remus followed close behind, his arm brushing against my own. 

Severus glanced at me for a moment, then his eyes landed on Remus and he quickly looked away. I had a feeling there was more going on than what I knew about. 

Dumbledore did his usual check-ins with the Order members. There was a heaviness in the room, worry and stress splattered across everyone's faces. Dumbledore was saying that you-know-who would most likely put his plan into motion soon, considering that the escapees were known or suspected death eaters and people nodded in agreement. 

The meeting ended and people started leaving. Severus and Mr. Weasley were speaking in hushed voices and Sirius made his way to Remus and I. I watched as Severus finished his conversation and began walking towards me. As he was a bit more than an arms length away, Sirius stepped directly in front of me, blocking Severus from view. 

"Excuse me?" I said, leaning sideways to look at Sirius, who was facing Severus.

"Can you move?" Severus said. 

"Try asking nicely," Sirius responded. 

"Guys," Remus said warningly. He extended his arm to push Sirius out of the way, however Sirius resisted. 

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked Sirius. 

The door to the dining room opened, and Dumbledore walked in. 

"Miss l/n," he said. "A word." 

I took a final glance at Sirius and Severus, then walked after Dumbledore who led us into the office. He gestured for me to take a seat across from him. Once we were both settled, he began speaking.

"I have another task for you," Dumbledore said. "But first, I need to know that this task and its details will stay between you and I."

"Of course," I quickly agreed, eager to be helpful. 

"It is crucial you understand," Dumbledore said. "You cannot confide in any other soul about what we are about to discuss."

"OK," I agreed.

"May it be a curious friend, a protective parent, or even a Hogwarts Professor that you trust." Dumbledore paused, watching my face. "No one can know unless I say otherwise. Do you understand Miss l/n?" 

Realization settled on me, tasting bitter in my mouth. "I understand, Professor." 

Dumbledore took a moment to examine my face before responding. "Good." He intertwined his long fingers, resting them below his chin. "I need you to seek out Lucius Malfoy." 

Well, fuck.