Unfathomable Desire

Chapter 40

"Y/n, wait!" Severus shouted. 

I walked down the empty corridor in a daze. My mind was so clouded by the fury I felt. Rage burned through my body as if I was laying on the sun itself. I let the anger fuel me, allowed it to take control and drive me. I turned around quickly to face Severus, allowing my angry tears to fall, hoping they hurt him as much as he hurt me.

"How could you!?" I shouted at him. 

"Please, keep your voice down." Severus halted in front of me, concern etched across his features. 

"How could you not fight for me!? How could you let him send me back!?"

"Y/n, I know you're angry but you must stop causing a scene." 

"Am I causing a scene?" I made a point to turn my head frantically from side to side, observing the empty corridor. "Believe it or not, but I can do worse." 

I turned to leave but his hand grabbed my wrist, immobilizing me. 

"Let. Me. Go." I emphasized every word, looking intently into his eyes.

"Not until you listen to me," Severus said. 

"Fine." I closed my eyes and took a steady breath. "Go ahead." 

"There has to be a part of you that knows this is the only way." Severus ran a hand through his hair. "You aren't safe here, y/n." He was speaking barely above a whisper, his voice strained. 

"I don't care," I said, more tears springing to my eyes. "I belong here." 

"You are going to die if you stay," Severus said threateningly.

"You have this all wrong, Severus," I said. "I don't fucking care about that. I care that you didn't have the balls to fight for me." 

"Excuse me?" Severus looked at me in disbelief. "Fight for you?" he said slowly. "I can barely manage to keep you alive, and you expect me to fight for you?" Severus's brows furrowed. "What am I supposed to fight for when Lucius kills you? What would have been the point?" 

I looked away, gazing into the darkness outside. I knew I was blinded by my anger, but I didn't want to listen to him anymore. 

"This relationship..." Severus went on, snapping my attention back to him. "We can't even define it long enough to be able to fight for it. You want to stay here for me? Fine, stay. But we will have to keep living in secrecy while your life is being constantly threatened. This relationship will never be normal. And even if it could be, I would make a terrible partner. I do not care how your day went, I do not want to listen to your problems, I simply have better things to do with my time. Is that the life you want?" 

"I know you're trying to hurt me," I muttered. "Pushing me away is easier than caring for me, because when you care for someone, it hurts to lose them." Severus took a step back as if I had hit him. "But it's not my problem you're too afraid to care." Severus simply stared at me, awe-struck. The pain of this was becoming unbearable and I felt the anger bubble up again. "Say something, Severus. Tell me what you're thinking because I'm not a fucking mind reader." 

"Since when have my thoughts ever been relevant to your decisions?" 

"They're not," I answered truthfully. "I'm just tired of trying to guess what you're thinking." 

"Then don't," he said. "No one asked you to guess, to make assumptions about me when you have no idea what you are speaking of. You are simply a young, naive girl who thinks she knows the world. You'll see one day that life is not that simple." 

"Fuck you," I whispered. 

In a moment, Severus was inches from me. His mouth met mine and he kissed me with aggression and anger. My rage fuelled me, and I kissed him back with just as much passion. Severus roughly pushed me against the concrete wall, holding my arms against the wall, next to either side of my head, so I couldn't move. He looked down at me, furious.

"You are insufferable," he muttered. "And you are going to get yourself killed." 

"Let them try," I teased. 

He kissed me harder, his tongue exploring my mouth. He pulled away again.

"I won't always be there to save you," he said through heavy breaths.

"I don't need you to save me, Severus." 

"Why do you lie?" He leaned into me, our lips brushing against each other.

I initiated the kiss, unable to handle anymore waiting. Severus kissed me back. We kissed for a long moment, unable to detach ourselves from each other, our inevitable end lingering between us. We kissed until we ran out of breath. His forehead rested against mine, both of us breathing heavily. 

"I-" Severus began saying, but suddenly he jerked his head to the side. He took a quick step away from me.

"Sever-" 

"Shh," he interrupted me, holding out a hand to stop me from reaching for him. "Did you hear something?" 

"No..." I answered. I looked in the direction he was looking in and it appeared empty. 

Severus walked over to where he was looking and reached down to pick something up. I hurried after him, trying to peer over his shoulder and see what he was looking at. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"Why didn't you burn this?" 

"Burn what?"

Severus turned around to show me a small scrap of paper. "The note I gave to you." 

Sure enough, on this little piece of paper, was Severus's messy handwriting: Meet me in my office at 8. - S