Hold on to me

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TW: Mentions of attempted suicide and abuse

CW: Fluff

-Tubbo POV-

They say confidence is key but right now I am seriously lacking in all confidence.

I hold onto Ranboo's shaking hand all the way to my apartment and he hasn't said a word since we left the bridge. He still has tears trailing down his face occasionally and I have faint tear tracks on my face as well.

I cannot imagine what people would think when they see us walking down the road mid-morning in this state. It probably looks like we had a night of heavy drinking. We arrive at my apartment complex and Ranboo looks up at the tall building.

"C'mon Boo," I say gently tugging on his hand.

I've been calling him Boo this morning and he doesn't seem to mind so I guess I'll just keep doing it. I'm exhausted, Tommy was at my apartment late last night and I didn't get much sleep after he left. He basically permanently engraved his conscious in my brain and my God I feel like I'm high all the time. He's way too high energy.

We arrive at the elevator because I decided that it was probably better for Ranboo to not overexert himself. The elevator arrives and luckily no one is in it but us. We walk in and I wander to the side with the panel. Pressing my floor number the elevator starts to jerkily travel upwards.

I heave a large sigh and my shoulders sink. I wipe my face aggressively and look up to see Ranboo watching me, a few tears slip out of his eyes.

"Hey it's okay Boo," I say softly "you're safe now."

I wrap my arms around him comfortably and we stay like that until the elevator stops. I slip my hand into his again and we walk down the hall until we arrive at my door, I let go of his hand and unlock my apartment.

I noticed how thin he is when I hugged him and I pull him into the kitchen sitting him down at the table.

I walk over to my fridge and pull out a carton of eggs and a few strips of bacon. I quickly cook both and put them on a plain white plate.

I carefully set the plate in front of him.

"Eat," I say looking into his eyes sternly.

He nods and picks up the fork I set by his plate.

-Ranboo POV-

Tubbo looks into my eyes and tells me I should eat. I nod and look back down at the plate smiling softly. It feels good to have someone taking care of me.

As I eat I think about Tubbos eyes. They really are beautiful. They're a rich chocolate brown that sparkle at me when he looks me directly in the face. They have a slight hazel green on the outer corners and in the middle around his pupil, they look almost yellow.

I finish my food and set my fork down. Tubbo smiles at me and takes my plate to the sink. He washes it and dries it before putting it away. He must not have a dishwasher. I store this information in my brain for a later date.

"Thank you..." I say softly "for everything."

He nods and looks at my again his face becoming slightly softer.

I'm not actually sure why this instance drove me to try and kill myself because there have been plenty of other times where Dylan has beaten this bad or worse. I must have finally been done.

I love how even though Tubbo saw me in my most vulnerable state he still can look me in the eyes.

He grabs my hand and tugs on it again.

"Do you want to watch something?" He asks nervously "to help you take your head off of things?"

I nod and stand up, Tubbo leads me into his living room which has bookshelves lining the walls and plants scattered across every surface.

"Why all the books?" I ask trailing my hand along the spines.

"Well..." He says squirming in his seat on the couch "it's a bit embarrassing actually."

I raise my eyebrow at him and sit next to him.

"Well I love to read, you know that since we saw each other at the library" he starts "but I'm dyslexic but books are my escape so I have all these books I can't read very well but I keep them because being surrounded by books makes me feel safe. I can read them but it takes me forever and gives me a headache."

"I don't think that's embarrassing," I say "I think it's actually kinda sweet."

He blushes and looks down at his fingers playing with them.

He hands me the remote.

"Pick whatever, I don't mind."

I scroll through Netflix and decide on an old eighties movie.

"Some kind of wonderful."

It's my favorite from the eighties and I used to watch it with my mom.

We are about an hour in when I feel something hit my shoulder.

I look down surprised and see Tubbo peacefully asleep with his hands in his lap. I smile down at him and rest my head on his for an instant.

The movie comes to a close and I decide to let Tubbo keep sleeping.

I want fresh air so I walk to the corner of the living room where there's a door that leads to a balcony. I step outside and take a deep breath in. His balcony is also filled with plants but in a more organized manner. A pleasant buzz fills the air and on closer inspection, his plants are filled with bees. I smile softly and sit down.

-Tubbo POV-

I wake up with a start and got guilt immediately floods my body I look at my watch and it reads 5:30 which means I've been asleep for about four and a half hours.

I blush and sit up. I walk into the kitchen where Ranboo stands cooking something on the stove. I lean up against the counter and look at him guiltily.

"I'm sorry for falling asleep Boo, you didn't have to cook." I hang my head.

"It's okay you wouldn't have slept if you didn't need it besides I like cooking and it's the least I can do." He replies and it sounds like his smiling.

I keep looking at the floor and then I feel a hand on my chin forcing my face up.

I stare into Ranboos grey-blue eyes and he smiles at me.

"I promise Tubbo. It's completely fine."

I shake my head at him again.

"Well at least eat it." He says handing me a plate of pasta.

After dinner, I clean up while Ranboo takes a shower. I still feel guilty even though Ranboo has told me it's fine on multiple occasions.

He walks into the living room and sits on the couch while I go and shower as well.

When I get out and walk back into the living room I see that Ranboos watching a different movie. I sit down beside him and start to watch it as well.

When the movie comes to a close it's about 9:30 and Ranboo is asleep.

I wake him up after a few moments.

"Come on Ranboo you have to go to bed."

I lead him into my room and start to walk out planning on sleeping on the couch.

"No wait!" He says "please could you stay with me? I don't feel like being alone."

He looks down embarrassed.

"Of course," I said smiling softly.

I lay down beside him.

"This okay?" I ask and he nods.

He puts his face in my shoulder and I fall asleep blushing.

(1299 words)

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