Its not always unrequited... (TubboxRanboo)

Coping

TE: Swearing, panic attack, mentions of assault

-Ranboo POV-

I wake up and can't believe what happened last night, it finally happened the boy I love is finally mine. I roll over to see Tubbo peacefully asleep next to me. I almost reach out and brush the hair from his face but decide against it because I know I shouldn't touch him after what he's been through. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to relive the memories as he did.

I give him a small sad smile before getting up and walking into the bathroom quietly. I take a shower and get dressed before heading out and into the kitchen. I look around and try to decide what I should make this morning. I decide on simple waffles with fried potatoes and start to chop some of the potatoes up.

I blink my eyes sleepily as I carefully cut them up and throw them into a pan with butter, salt, and pepper, I don't turn the pan on quite yet.
I start to make the batter for waffles before I hear a knock sounding at the apartment door.

I frown at the time, it's nine in the morning who could be here? I approach the door quietly and look out the peephole. I peer up at the man and gasp before locking the door and leaning against it. He can not be here, absolutely not, this must be a nightmare. I sigh as I sink to the floor and another knock sounds loudly at the door.

I put my head in my arms and rock back and forth trying to convince myself that it's not him. Tears squeeze out of the corners of my eyes as my breath accelerates and a knock sounds again this time louder.
I try to listen to my heartbeat to calm myself down but it's erratic and I can't hear it over the knocks.

I sink further down into my knees and keep my back pressed against the door. I hear someone fumbling with the door handle and my breathing becomes even faster. Tears are now coming thick and fast, falling off the tip of my nose and into my lap.

I hear him outside my room, the handle shakes violently as the chair I shoved swiftly under the handle creaks. I squeeze my eyes shut as splintering wood echoes through my ears and the door is thrown open. He stands at the open door, his chest heaving and his face red with anger.

"Don't try in keeping me out!" He shouts.

My shoulders shake as flashback after flashback flickers across my vision and I violently shake my head trying to get rid of the thoughts with force.

"I know you're there!" I hear the angry voice shout through the door.

I look up and see Tubbo walking out of the kitchen quickly. He kneels in front of me being careful not to touch me and gazes into my eyes.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, yeah?" He gives me a weak smile.

I shake my head and his gaze fills with sympathy.

"Ranboo can I touch you?" He asks gently.

I nod carefully and he takes my head slowly and presses it to his chest. I feel the steady rhythm of his heart beating under my fingertips. He scooches slightly closer and grabs my other hand with his.

"Follow my breath okay?" He asks.

He breathes in slowly and I try to do it with him, he exhales softly his breath brushing my face lightly. I hear someone behind the door and it rattles slightly on its hinges.

I try to turn and look but Tubbo stops me as my breathing gets worse again. The tears lightly trace my face and Tubbo holds onto my hand.

"Nope, don't turn around just look at me." Tubbo gently reminds me.

I look back into his pretty face and admire the glint in his eyes. A soft look is settled on his face and the light freckles there remind me of the color of butterscotch. He gives me a soft smile and connects our palms more tightly. His hair falls across his forehead softly and it's apparent he hasn't combed it today.