Heart of Diamond (Heart Series #5)

T W E N T Y - S E V E N

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...

Lost

"Mommy?"

I smiled as I look at her. She's as radiant as the sun. She shines like a star. She's as beautiful as the moon. She's as precious as a gem.

"Yes, baby?" sagot ko habang sinasampay ang mga basang damit na kakatapos ko lang labhan.

"I am hungry na po. I want to eat pancakes po but daddy is not around," aniya saka ngumuso.

Her chubby little fingers are playing the tip of her curly hair. Her other hand is playing with the hem of her pink dress. And she's tiptoing her adorable toes on the ground as she pouted and waits for me to make her some pancakes.

Mahina akong natawa saka bahagyang napailing. "Where's your daddy ba, ha? He could make you some pancakes, mas magaling siyang magluto noon. And as you can see, mommy is busy with something."

Mas lalo siyang napanguso. "But Daddy is not around nga po, mommy, eh!" Napapadyak pa siya.

Napailing ako. "Go look for your daddy. I'm sure na nandiyan lang iyan. He's just somewhere in the house. Malamang ay nagtatago iyon. He's probably teasing you."

"But I want to eat pancakes na po, eh," aniya.

I smiled and chuckled. "But I can't cook pancakes for now, baby. Busy pa ako. Go find your daddy."

Napanguso siyang muli. "Fine. Give me a clue po if saan siya nagtatago."

Agad naman akong nag-isip saka saglit na nilagay sa balde ang damit na hawak. "Uhm... why don't you go to his room? Or his office? He's probably there."

She giggled. "Alright, Mommy! I'll go find daddy na!"

Agad siyang tumakbo papasok ng bahay kaya agad akong sumigaw. "Be careful, baby! Baka madapa ka diyan!"

"Yes, Mommy!" anito habang papalayo ang boses.

Maayos kong sinampay lahat ng damit na nilabhan ko. Nang matapos ay kinuha ko ang walis tingting at ang dustpan saka winalisan ko ang bakuran. Natapos na lang ako sa pagwawalis ay hindi ko na narinig ang ingay ng anak ko.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Nasaan kaya iyon?" bulong ko.

Madalas kasi kapag nagtatago-taguan sila ng daddy niya ay naghahabulan agad sila papunta sa kung nasaan ako. Nasasali pa ako sa kalokohan nilang dalawa. Hindi ko na tuloy natatapos ang trabaho ko.

Nang matapos ako sa pagwawalis ay pumasok ako sa bahay. I then started calling her.

"Baby? Where are you? I'll cook pancakes na. Did your Daddy cooked you pancakes?" tawag ko dito.

Naglakad ako deretso sa kusina. Agad kong kinuha ang mga ingredients na kailangan sa pagluluto ng pancakes. While I was preparing everything, I was calling her but she wasn't answering making me frown.

"Baby? Ano ang sabi ko sayo? Kapag tinatawag ka dapat sumasagot ka kaagad," saad ko habang nakatingin sa labas ng kusina kahit wala ito doon.

Alam kong maririnig lang din niya ako kahit papaano. But unfortunately, she didn't answer.

Kunot-noong nilagay ko sa mesa ang mga hawak ko. Naglakad ako palabas ng kusina habang tinatawag siya.

"Baby? Where are you?" tawag ko rito.

Hindi siya sumagot. Kumunot lalo ang noo ko. Umakyat ako sa hagdan saka pumasok sa kwarto namin.

"Baby, are you there? Stop hiding. I'm gonna cook pancakes for you na," saad ko pero wala pa ring sumagot.

Tumungo ako sa maliit na opisina ni Simour para tingnan siya doon. Baka doon lang siya nagtago kasama ang daddy niya.

I opened the door and went in as I called her, "Baby? Baby, magagalit na talaga ako kapag hindi mo pa rin ako sasagutin."

But she's not answering. No one's answering.

Kunot ang noong lumabas ako ng opisina. I then started calling Simour.

"Simour? Simour, where are you? Stop hiding, hinahanap ka ng anak mo!" saad ko.

But he as well isn't answering. Kumunot lalo ang noo ko. Halos nilibot ko ang buong bahay pero hindi ko sila nahanap.

I even went to my neighbors and asked if they saw them but they said they didn't. I'm starting to hyperventilate.

"Baby? Simour?!" Walang tigil ako sa pagtawag sa kanila kahit hindi naman sila sumasagot.

Nilibot ko ang buong bahay, tinatawag ko sila pero wala talaga. Wala talagang sumasagot.

Nasapo ko ang dibdib ko nang bigla itong nanikip. Hindi makahingang napakapit ako sa sofa saka dahan-dahang naupo doon.

My tears started falling. "B-Baby? S-Simour? W-Where are you? S-Stop hiding from me!"

Still, no one answered. No one.

They're gone. They're both gone.

"H-Honey? W-Wake up. You're just dreaming! It's just a dream. It's nothing. Come on, wake up."

Agad akong napamulat sa mga mata ko nang may yumugyog sa amin. My eyes met with the white ceiling. The acidic scent of the place invaded my nostrils.

My eyes widened when I saw my Dad and my Mom standing next to where I am. They're both looking so worried for me as they both held my hands.

"M-Mom? D-Dad?" Hindi ako makapagsalita ng maayos. Namamaos ang boses ko.

"Yes, hon?" wika ni Mom at mas lalong humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko.

Kumunot ang noo. "M-My baby? W-Where's my baby? S-Simour? W-Where's Simour? I-I can't find them! T-They're gone!"

Akmang babangon ako nang bigla akong pigilan ni Daddy. Hinaplos niya ang buhok ko.

"Hey, hey, hon... No one's gone. You're just dreaming. Come on, sleep again. You have to take a rest," ani Daddy.

Umiling ako. I felt my eyes turned blurry. It feels so real. It's not a dream.

"I-It's real, Dad! I-It's not a dream! P-Please find Simour! P-Please find my baby! I-I can't find them! T-They're gone, Daddy!"

Unti-unting nagsituluan ang mga luha ko. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko. Ramdam ko ang mumunting hapdi at sakit doon pero hindi ko pinansin. Mas mahalaga ang baby ko. Mas mahalaga si Simour.

Umiling ako ng paulit-ulit saka mahigpit na kumapit sa braso ni Daddy. "D-Daddy, h-help me! H-Help me find them! P-Please!"

Bumaling ako kay Mommy. Tears are rolling down her cheeks as well. She looks so worried as she look at me.

"M-Mommy! P-Please... H-Help me find them. I-I can't find them. I-I've been looking all over the house for them b-but they're not around! T-They won't answer me! T-They're gone! P-Please..."

Hindi ko na napigilang humagulhol ng iyak. Mabilis akong niyakap ni Mommy saka paulit-ulit na hinalikan ang noo ko. I could feel her tears dropping on my skin.

"A-Anak, stop it," she whispered as she cried. "I love you, alright? Mommy loves you so much.”

Paulit-ulit akong umiling. Humihikbi na ako. Wala nang tigil ang mga luhang lumalabas sa mga mata ko.

My parents seems so bothered with me. And I don’t know why. I only asked for help because I can’t find Simour and my baby. They’re telling me that it’s all just a dream but I know that it wasn’t. It’s real.

“Honey,” wika ni Daddy. “You have to sleep, alright? You need rest. Come on, close your eyes and when you wake up, we’ll look for them both.”

My teary eyes looked hopefully at him. “R-Really, Daddy? W-We’ll look for them when I wake up?”

He nodded. Hinaplos niya ang buhok ko. “Y-Yes, hon. For now, rest.”

Agad kong mabilisang pinunasan ang mga luha ko. I softly pushed my Mom to show her that I’m ready for rest.

“M-Mom, I’ll take a rest. S-Stop crying already,” saad ko.

Bahagya siyang humiwalay sa akin pero wala pa ring tigil ang pag-iyak niya. Tumango siya habang nakatingin sa akin. She smiled at me but it seemed so gloomy.

“T-Take a rest. W-We’ll wake you up later,” wika niya.

Tumango ako saka tipid silang nginitian. “A-Alright. W-Wake me up if it’s time for us to look for them.”

My Dad nodded. But my Mom cried even more as she hugged my Dad’s nape and placed her face on Dad’s neck.

“Y-Yes, honey,” sagot ni Daddy. “We’ll wake you up.”

I then closed my eyes. I didn’t have to try hard to doze to sleep. Maybe due to being burned-out, my body gave up and just went off to a deep slumber.

I knew I was lucky. It’s such an honor to be called as one of the richest and fortunate daughter of Asia. I got a supportive parents who didn’t gave up on me even after I gave up on myself.

My parents… they were the ones who made me ascertain what the world actually is, what the world actually does and what the world is for. The world is the habitat of every creatures; happy, fortunate, blessed, discriminated, bullied, broke, depressed, scarred and pained.

Family. They’re the ones who can and will accept you no matter how bad you’ve been into.

Dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang mga mata. Nilibot ko ang paningin sa paligid ko. Lahat ng nakikita ko ay puti lamang. Mula sa kisame, sa dingding at pati na sa sahig.

Kunot-noo kong tiningnan ang taong nakahawak sa kamay ko. It’s my Mom.

Kumurap ako. “M-Mommy? W-Water.”

Agad namang kumilos si Daddy. Kumuha siya agad ng tubig mula sa pitsel na nasa mesa malapit lang sa akin. Tapos ay ibinigay niya sa akin.

Inalalayan niya akong maupo saka ako tinulungang uminom ng tubig. Nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa nang malamigan ang lalamunan at dibdib ko.

Bahagya kong tinulak ang baso nang matapos akong uminom. Agad naman itong binalik ni Daddy sa mesa.

“You need anything, honey?” tanong ni Mommy habang mahigpit ang hawak sa kamay ko.

Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. Pilit kong inaalala kung ano ang nangyari bago ako nakarating dito.

“W-Where am I?” tanong ko.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa. Hinaplos ni Daddy ang braso ni Mommy na tila ba sinasabi nitong sabihin sa akin ang totoo.

My Mom faced me. “You’re in a hospital, hon. You… You got into an accident. You got bumped by a car. Good thing is nothing severe happened to you—”

Biglang nag-loading ang utak ko. Accident? Nabangga ako ng sasakyan?

Nanlalaki ang mga matang tumingin ako sa tiyan ko. Nanginginig ang mga kamay na pinakiramdaman ko ito.

It’s no longer there. The baby bump. It’s not there anymore!

Agad na nanlabo ang mga mata ko. “M-Mom? D-Dad? W-Where’s my baby?”

Malungkot na bumuntong-hininga si Daddy. “Honey, it was just a dream—”

“No! I wasn’t dreaming! My baby! I meant— my baby bump, Dad! My baby bump! The baby in my stomach!”

Nagkatinginan sina Mom at Dad. Kapwa malulungkot ang mga mata nila. At kahit hindi man nila sabihin, alam ko na ang sagot.

Napahagulhol ako ng iyak. Nanghihinang napasandal ako sa headboard ng kama saka tinakpan ang bibig ko.

“M-My baby…” I cried. “S-She was the last reason why I didn’t gave up! I was holding on to her! She was my strength! P-Pero wala na rin siya. K-Kinuha na rin siya sa akin.”

My Mom immediately went to me, she sat beside me and hugged me tight. She’s also crying just like me.

“I’m sorry, hon. The doctors weren’t able to save her.” Humikbi siya.

“T-This is my fault.” Umiling ako. “I-I could have been a better mother. I-I shouldn’t have followed Simour! H-Hindi sana nangyari ito! K-Kasalanan ko lahat! T-This is all my fault!”

Hinaplos ni Mommy ang likod ko. “Shh… Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault that she isn’t meant for us. Everything that happens has a reason, honey. Kaya huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo sa nangyari. God has reasons why.”

Umiling ako. Sarado na ang utak ko. Ang alam ko ay kasalanan ko. Kasalanan ko kaya siya nawala.

“W-Why does he took her away from me?! H-He knows that she’s my only gem! W-Why did he took her away?!”

Halos magwala na ako. Nagpupumiglas na ako mula kay Mommy. Kaya napalapit si Daddy sa amin at pati siya ay niyakap na rin ako.

“H-Honey, please…” Dad said.

“I-I don’t understand his reasons! H-Hindi niya kailangang kunin sa akin ang baby ko! Siya lang ay mayroon ako! S-Siya lang—”

“We’re here too, honey,” bulong ni Mommy. “N-Nandito rin kami ni Daddy mo. We will not leave you. We will always stay at your back.”

Mas lalo akong napahagulhol. Mas lalong bumalik sa balintataw ko ang mga ala-ala ng mga pagkakamali ko. Mula sa pagpili kay Simour at sa pag-alis ko nang walang paalam sa kanilang dalawa.

Hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa sarili. Kung hindi lang ako umalis, baka ay maayos ang baby ko. Kung nanatili lang ako sa bahay, baka ay walang nangyaring masama sa anak ko.

There are a million of right choices to choose from but I chose the wrong choice. How disappointing!

“I-Is this my karma?” I asked in a soft voice. “D-Do I deserve this?”

Sabay silang umiling. My Dad immediately talked, “No, honey. No one deserves such. You don’t deserve this.”

Umiling ako. Napahagulhol ako. Sinandal ko ang ulo sa balikat ni Daddy habang hawak-hawak naman ni Mommy ang kamay ko.

“I-I’m sorry, Mom, Dad. I’m sorry for being a b-bad daughter. I-I’m sorry for disregarding you’re a-advices. Now look at me… I’m s-suffering. T-This is my karma.”

“N-No. W-We love you, anak,” wika ni Mommy sabay halik sa noo ko. “I love you so much. I will love you and accept you no matter what you’ve done. You will always be worth my decisions. P-Please stop blaming yourself, honey. P-Please…”

Humikbi ako. “I’m sorry, Mommy, Daddy…”

“Shh…” saad ni Daddy.

Kapwa kami nag-iiyakan doon. Halo-halo ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Mula sa pagkawala ng baby ko at sa pagsisising mas pinili ko ang kamalian. Hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko pa bang patawarin ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ba.

I am lucky. Yes, I am. Because even after the mistakes that I made, my parents still accepted me with an open arms. They still accepted me after everything.

“B-Babawi ako, Mommy, Daddy,” bulong ko. Patuloy pa rin ang pagragasa ng mga luha ko. “B-Babawi ako.”

My Mom hugged me even tighter. “Shh… you don’t have to, honey. You, being with us is all that we need.”

“For now, you have to rest,” wika ni Daddy. “The doctor told us to let you rest so your wounds won’t bleed again. You have to let your body and brain rest after everything that you’ve gone through, hon. You have to… for yourself.”

Humikbi ako. “I-I will try to be a better person, Dad.”

“Shhh…” Hinaplos niyang muli ang ulo ko. “Rest, hon. I promise you that when you wake up and you’re finally strong enough and well, then I will let you do everything that you want.”

Mahina akong tumango. “T-Thanks, Dad.”

He nodded and kissed my forehead. “Always, honey.”

Agad silang umalis sa kama. Inalalayan nila ako upang makahiga sa kama ng maayos.

Sumasakit pa ang ilang bahagi ng katawan ko pero natitiis ko naman siya. Wala nang mas sasakit pa sa pagkawala ng anak ko at sa lahat ng pagsisisi ko na kahit pa ang sugat ko sa katawan ay hindi ito mapapantayan.

They both smiled at me. They both kissed my forehead and reassured me that everything is going to be alright.

“I love you, Primmly Athena,” bulong ni Mommy sa akin matapos niyang halikan ang noo ko. “You’re the greatest gift that has ever given to me.”

Napaluha ako. Sobrang swerte ko na sa kanya. Bakit ko pa nagawa ang lahat ng iyon?

Dad kissed my forehead and whispered as well, “I love you so much, honey. You’re always be my diamond.”

Sa kabila ng sakit ay nagawa kong ngumiti ng tipid sa kanila. “T-Thank you… for loving me. For accepting me.” My voice broke. “ I-I love you both.”

Tumango sila. Agad ko na lang na ipinikit ang pagod kong mga mata. Muli rin naman akong tinangay ng antok.

The other day, when I woke up, Zek and Rhyth are beside me. Just like my parents, they were so worried of me that they even cried not just for what happened but for my lose as well.

“Primm, may gusto ka bang kainin?” Paos na tanong sa akin ni Zek. Kakatapos lang niyang umiyak.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit matapos ang lahat ng nangyari ay wala nang tumutulong luha sa mga mata ko. I feel so numb.

Umiling ako. “Nothing.”

Tumango siya. “If you need something, just tell me, okay?”

I nodded.

Rhyth sighed. “Know that we’re so lucky for having you, Primm. I will always be thankful to God for giving you to me. I will never regret the day that I met you. Know that a lot of people love you, Primm.”

Mahina akong tumango. Alam ko naman iyon. Alam kong marami silang nagmamahal sa akin at sinayang ko lang iyon dati. And now… here I am listening to her, feeling so indifferent. I could feel nothing— I feel dead.

They both sighed. I know that they’re bothered seeing me like this— torpid. But I can’t do anything. Kasi kahit ako, ano man ang pilit ko na maging maayos ako ay hindi ko magawa.

“Is there anything you want to eat?” tanong ni Zek sa akin.

Umiling ako. “I’m good,” I whispered.

She nodded. “Anything you want to drink?”

Umiling muli ako. “Nothing.”

Tipid akong nginitian ni Rhyth. “Please stay healthy for us, Primm,” aniya. “Please don’t give up. Seeing you like this bothers me. It seems like… we’re slowly losing you.”

I sighed. I could feel that too. I could feel that I’m losing myself.

“I may not be okay for now, but I will be sooner or later.” Walang emosyon kong sabi. “Just let me be. Hindi rin naman magtatagal at magiging maayos rin ako. Sa ngayon, ganito pa ako dahil sa mga nangyari. I lost not just one, not just two, but three.”

Bumuntong-hininga silang dalawa saka sabay na tumango. Maswerte ako sa kanila kahit saang banda tingnan. Ni-minsan ay hindi nila kini-kwestiyon ang desisyon ko.

Sakto namang pumasok si Daddy sa kwarto. Tipid niyang nginitian ang mga kaibigan ko. Tumango naman ang dalawa saka nagpaalam na lalabas muna kaya tinanguan ko na lang din sila.

Nang makalabas ang mga ito ay naupo si Daddy sa tabi ko saka hinalikan ako sa noo.

“The doctor said that you will be discharged two days from now. Umaayos raw agad ang mga sugat mo,” aniya nang may tipid na ngiti.

I nodded. “That’s good to hear, Dad.”

“What do you want to do after you’ll be discharged?” tanong niya.

“Ililibing ko po anak ko,” sagot ko.

He went silent. Simula nang malaman kong wala na ang anak ko ay hindi na ako muling nagsalita patungkol sa kanya. They know that. This is my first time opening up about my baby.

“Ikaw ang bahala. I will be at your back as always, hon. Do whatever you want,” aniya.

I nodded. “Where is she now? I haven’t asked you about this because I wasn’t able to accept the fact that she’s gone.”

“We placed her in a small coffin,” sagot ni Daddy. “She’s safe. She’s in our house.”

I nodded. Unlike before, I remained emotionless. I could no longer feel the pain. There’s no tears coming out from my eyes.

And that’s the most painful things. Being numb after all the pain.

I nodded. “Okay po.”

“You know we love you, right?” ani Dad.

I nodded. “I know. And I love you too.”

“We will be alright in time, hon. You will be. Just pray to God and he will heal you. He knows more than anything. He understands you more than anyone,” aniya.

I nodded. “Thanks, Dad. I will.”

He caressed my hair and kissed my forehead. He smiled to me a bit. “Your Mom is coming. She cooked something for you. Your favorite.”

I nodded. “Did she bring a bodyguard?”

He nodded. “Yes, don’t worry. Rest, okay? Or should I call your friends?”

I nodded. “Please call them, Dad. I want to talk to them.”

He nodded. “Okay, wait here.”

Agad siyang tumayo saka naglakad palabas ng kwarto. I heard him called my friends. Minutes later, my friends entered the room.

“Do you need anything, Primm? Anything?” tanong ni Zek sa akin.

Umiling ako. “Wala. I just want to talk with you. I don’t have someone to talk to.”

“Okay,” saad ni Zek. “Anong gusto mong pag-usapan natin?”

“About my baby. I will bury her when I get out of here. Are you coming with me?” tanong ko.

“Of course, sasama ako. I will not let you go there alone,” wika niya.

“Two days from now I will be discharged. That’s what I will do,” wika ko. “Ayokong paghintayin ang anak ko.”

They both nodded. “Ikaw ang bahala. Nasa likod mo lang kami,” saad ni Rhyth.

Akmang magsasalita ako nang bigla akong may narinig na tila ba nagkakagulo sa labas ng kwarto. Kumunot ang noo ko saka bahagyang tumitig sa nakasarang pinto.

“Can you hear that?” I asked them.

“Ang alin?” takang tanong ni Zek sa akin.

“There’s a commotion outside,” saad ko. “Can’t you hear it?”

Kumunot ang noo nilang dalawa. Nagkatinginan sila. Kapwa kami napaigtad ng sabay nang may malakas na pwersang tila ba bumangga sa pinto ng kwarto.

Nagkatinginan kaming tatlo. Nanlalaki ang mga mata nila saka napatayo. We were all looking at the door waiting for it to open. Pero hindi na naulit ang malakas na pagtulak sa pinto. Unti-unti na ring nawala ang ingay sa labas.

“What was it?” tanong ko.

“Probably just someone,” wika ni Zek.

Tumango ako. Umayos ako ng upo. Sila man din ay naupo ulit. Nang biglang bumukas ang pinto na kinagulat. Sabay kaming napabaling doon, only to see my Mom entering the room.

“Mom? What happened?” tanong ko agad sa kanya. “Anong nangyari diyan sa labas?”

She shook her head as she walked inside. “That was nothing. Isang pamilya lang ng isang pasyente, nagwawala. Iyong anak niya kasi nabaril, galit na galit siya doon sa may gawa, pati doctor nasali sa galit niya.”

I nodded. Naintindihan ko naman ang kapamilya.

“Oh, alright,” wika ko.

“I cooked your favorite, anak,” saad ni Mommy saka malawaknang ngiting nilipat sa pinggan ang niluto niyang pansit. Agad niya itong nilagay sa harapan ko na agad ko namang tinanggap.

Two days after, I finally got discharged from the hospital. Agad akong iniuwi nina Mommy at Daddy sa bahay. I was nostalgic when I got home. Doon lang bumuhos ang emosyon ko nang makita ang maliit na kabaong ng anak ko sa living room ng bahay.

I immediately ran towards it and hugged it as tight as I could. I did what I wasn’t able to do. I did what I can’t  be able to do.

“B-Baby,” I cried. “I’m sorry. Mommy loves you. M-Mommy loves you so much. I love you.”

Hinahaplos ko ang maliit na kabaong. Malaki na siya. She have complete organs already. Her features are now the same as mine. And I was right, she’s a girl.

Nilingon ko sina Mommy at Daddy na lumuluhang pinapanood lang ako ng tahimik. My Dad is hugging my Mom while my Mom covers her mouth to avoid from crying hard.

“D-Did you see her face? S-She looks just like me,” wika ko sa kabila ng iyak. Muli ko itong nilingon saka niyakap. Hinaplos ko ang kabaong. “Y-You look just like me…”

Iyak lang ako nang iyak habang yakap-yakap ito. Ayoko itong bitawan. Natatakot ako na baka kapag ginawa ko, hindi ko na rin siya makikita gaya nang nasa panaginip ko.

I felt my Dad and Mom hugged me from behind.

“Hon, we have to go to the cemetery,” wika ni Mommy sa akin.

Mas lalo akong napahagulhol. Iling ako nang iling. “H-Hindi ko siya kayang bitawan, Mommy. H-Hindi ko po yata kaya, Mommy!”

“You have to let her go, honey,” saad ni Daddy. “You have to let her go to make her happy. She will be fine. She loves you more than you love her. Just let her go.”

“M-Mahal na mahal ko siya, Dad. H-Hindi ko kayang makita siyang ililibing.” Pumiyok ang boses ko. “H-Hindi ko kaya.”

Hinaplos ni Mommy ang buhok ko. “Kailangan mong gawin, anak. Kailangan mo siyang pakawalan.”

I don’t know what to do. I want to keep her but I know I can’t . Matagal-tagal rin akong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa sofa habang yakap-yakap ang kabaong ng anak ko. At nang tumayo naman ako ay hindi ko naman ito binibitawan. Nakarating kami sa sementeryo habang yakap-yakap ko ito. Iyak ako nang iyak at hindi ko ito binibitawan.

When they have to bury her, I lost myself. I lost my mind. I feel like I lost the whole me.

Mahigpit akong hinawakan ni Daddy at Mommy habang nagpupumiglas ako. Pilit akong kumakawala upang pigilan ang mga taong binabaon na ang anak ko sa lupa.

“D-Daddy, let me go! D-Daddy, s-stop them, please! S-Stop them! D-Don’t let them bury my baby!”

Wala akong magawa kundi ang umiyak na lang habang pinapanood siyang unti-unting natatabunan ng lupa. Habang unti-unti siyang nawawala hindi lang sa hawak ko kundi sa paningin ko rin.

And while watching her fading on the ground, I could feel myself fading in the surface of aptness; getting buried ten feet under the misery.

I lost myself. I lost everything.

…

©️thorned_heartu