Heart of Diamond (Heart Series #5)

T H I R T Y - O N E

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Enjoy reading, everyone.

…

Sorry

After I learned that there’s this one customer who had been coming to my café every single day, I also started working at my café to see if he would come back. Though, I tried to dodge the thought that it’s a stalker, I still want to know if whoever he is. Even though I have a feeling that he’s one of my bodyguards, I am still over persistent of knowing this person and seeing his face.

Iyong plano namin ni Zek na pumunta sa Japan para surpresahin si Rhyth ay napurnada dahil sa isang mahalagang okasyon. I was invited to be a guest speaker at La Seriah University. It would be held next month kaya hindi na lang muna kami umalis. Hihintayin na lang namin na matapos ang guest speaking ko bago kami mag-e-enjoy.

“Have you already written down your speech?” tanong sa akin ni Zek.

Madalas na rin siyang nandito sa café ko. Walang mintis. Bawat araw nandito siya at tinutulungan akong hanapin ang lalaking palaging bumabalik dito.

Speaking of that guy, hindi na ulit namin siya nakita. Ang sabi ng mga waitresses ko sa café ay madalas rin iyon dito pero ewan ko, ngayon wala na. Napansin yata niya na alam kong pabalik-balik siya.

I nodded at her. “Yeah. Kakatapos ko lang isulat kagabi. I had been rehearsing since this morning. Hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng kaba knowing that a lot of our college schoolmates would be there.”

She pursed her lips and sipped on her milk tea. “Don’t be nervous, Primm. Kaya nga pinili ka nila as guest speaker kasi you have that confidence, eh. Hayaan mo iyong mga ka-schoolmates natin dati. Mag-focus ka lang sa speech mo.”

I sighed. Humalukipkip ako. “Hindi ko lang mapigilang isipin. They probably knew what happened to me when I stopped college. Baka maraming reporters na dadalo tapos magtatatanong sa akin. I don’t want to admit things no matter how true it is because I don’t want another disappointments.”

“Akala ko ba tinigilan ka na ng media? Kaya wala na sigurong magtatanong sayo doon,” aniya.

I sighed as I shook my head a bit. “I really don’t think so, Zek. If there are reporters, there would be questions. They would seek for answers and my answers are not yet ready to be divulged.”

She sighed. Nasapo niya ang sintido niya. “Unti-unti na rin tuloy akong na-s-stress sa sinasabi mo. But don’t worry, your bodyguards would be there naman, diba?”

I nodded. “Oo. Hindi ko na sinusuway si Dad kaya talagang palaging nasa likod ko na ang bodyguards ko. It’s just that they might not be able to stop the media kapag nandoon na.”

“Why don’t you ask your father to command them na magpakita na lang muna during that day? Para safer, diba? Para if ever na talagang magtatanong sayo ang media, at least they would be able to stop it instantly,” aniya.

Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. “Oo nga, ‘no? I’ll ask my Dad about it.”

She nodded. “Anyway, what’s your speech all about?” tanong niya.

“Uhm… just some basic and important things. Mga inspirational at motivational words lang specifically for the students. Pero mostly doon ang mga experiences ko during college,” wika ko.

She nodded. “Sinabihan mo ba si Rhyth about this? Maganda sana kung nandito siya, eh. Heard Evs and his friends would be there too. You think, pupunta rin siya?”

I licked my lower lip as I sighed. “Who?”

She chuckled. “Nagtatanong ka pa kung sino? Alam ko naman na kilala mo ang tinutukoy ko. So, what if nandoon rin siya? Anong gagawin mo?”

I smiled softly. “I actually don’t know. Honestly, it’s been years since we saw each other and I don’t think I am prepared to meet him. We’ve been through a lot together that destroyed our relationship. So… I don’t really know what to do if we meet again. One thing’s for sure… it would not be the same as before.”

She nodded understandingly. I could feel a hint of sadness on her eyes which I don’t know what for. For me? For Sim? For our baby? Or for the love that we once fought and gone.

“It wouldn’t be the same as before, that’s for sure,” aniya. “But I’m pretty sure it’s still there.”

My forehead creased. “What?”

She smiled softly. “The love, Primm. Everything may change about you two. Everything might have been destroyed in your relationship. But the love you once shared? That will remain constant.”

I sighed.

Will it really remain constant? After everything we’ve been through, would our love stay the same? Isn’t it lost already?

“Would it?” I asked her as I chuckled. “I mean… how sure are you? Sigurado akong parehas kaming nakalimot na. Siguro ay may sarili na siyang minamahal ngayon. And I am happy with my life now.”

“So, wala ka na pala talagang balita sa kanya after no’ng nangyari?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Oo. Tsaka hindi ko na sinusubukang kumalap ng balita pa tungkol sa kanya. Ayokong masaktan kung sakali.”

She nodded as she smirked. “Well, guess what? May nakalap akong balita sa kanya.”

Napaungot ako saka napailing. “Ayoko na nga’ng kumalap ng balita, eh! Tapos ikaw i-tsi-tsimis sa akin.”

Tumawa siya. “Well, I’m just wondering na baka gusto mong malaman? Na maybe curious ka sa mga bagay na ginawa niya ngayon. Kasi, diba? Sabi mo, you’re happy, you’re doing fine. But haven’t you asked yourself kung maayos na rin ba siya? If he have moved-on?”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko saka napanguso ako. “Well, kung hindi siya maayos, ganoon rin naman ako, ah. Sa ibang paraan nga lang. I am fine, yes… but somehow a part of me is still mourning for the loss. And if he is still weeping, then I guess it’s fair enough.”

Tipid siyang ngumiti sa akin. “It’s not fair enough, Primm. He lost almost everything.”

Nawala ang ngiti ko saka tinitigan siya. “Zek, I lost everything. My baby, my parent’s trust, my trust to people, my relationship with him… our love. I lost everything. I may look fine now but I am still mourning. You may not be able to see it but I am still in pain.”

She sighed. She shook her head. “Well… I don’t feel the pain you’ve been. I guess, you just have to see it for yourself.”

I sighed. With the thought of Sim being at the graduation makes me uneasy. I am still not prepared for this, I still haven’t prepared myself. Hindi pa ako handang harapin siya.

Days passed and the college graduation day came. I wore a brown pencil cut skirt matching it with a white tube and a brown tuxedo.

Sumama sina Mom at Dad sa akin. Ang sabi nila ay ayaw nilang palampasin ang araw na ito. They want it to be memorable. Pati si Zek ay sumama rin.

At the venue, I met a lot of former schoolmates during college. Some talked to me and greeted my parents while some just ignored me and probably gossiped about me. Hindi ko na lang pinansin ang mga iyon, wala naman silang mapapala kung sisiraan at ipagkakalat nila ang katotohanang nangyari sa akin noon.

I also met Evans and his wife Harriet. Cladville and Eros who looked like heartbreakers with their outfits. Even Kobe was there, taking photos of the people and the venue. Talagang si Rhyth na lang ang kulang doon.

“Graduates, I hereby introduce to you our guest speaker. She studied in La Seriah University with flying colors. She was a consistent with high honors. She was the school’s SSG President. She studied Bachelor of Elementary Education. She graduated as a Cum Laude. She lived in La Seriah where she lives peacefully with her parents. I introduce to you, Ms. Primmly Athena Corpuz!”

Agad kong hinanda ang ngiti ko bago ako naglakad paakyat ng stage. I could hear the loud cheers from the people and the around of applause. Sobrang tagal na simula noong nakapagsalita ako sa harap ng maraming tao kaya ramdam ko ang malakas na kabog ng dibdib ko.

I smiled to the teacher who introduced me and she smiled back. Binigay niya sa akin ang microphone kaya tinanggap ko naman ito.

“Good luck, Miss Corpuz,” wika nito sa akin.

I smiled. “Thank you,” bulong ko.

I then faced the crowd with my heart hammering. I tried to look around to see where my parents are standing. And when I saw them with Zek, Evs, Clad, Eros and Harriet, I breathed in and started my speech.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, to the LSU staffs and administration, to the parents and of course to our precious graduates.” Panimula ko. “How do you feel right now seeing these young men and women achieving another milestone?”

May ibang sumagot na masaya at may iba namang ngumiti lang.

I smiled. “Seeing you on your graduation gowns makes me feel nostalgic with the graduation I had back when I was in college. It was filled with astonishment and somehow nervousness while we were sitting at where you’re sitting right now. Kayo ba? Are you nervous?”

Agad na nagtanguan ang mga graduates. Some even answered that they’re ready to go home and take a rest after a long journey they had.

“What make you nervous?” tanong kong muli habang may tipid na tawa sa bibig. “Baka hindi kayo kasali sa Cum Laude, Magna Cum Laude, Suma Cum Laude? Or maybe because you’re scared that your name would not be mentioned during the ceremony?”

Mabilis namang nagtanguan ang mga ito. I chuckled. “Well, guess what, people? I’d been there too.”

I paused.

“College is the toughest truth and journey that every people will have to face. It’s the point of life where we ascertained that playing games must have to be over.” I paused. “Back when I was in college, I was one of the luckiest girl. I have a supportive parents who can suffice my needs and wants; at school and at home. I met a lot of struggles along the way and trust me I had a hard time. But thanks to my parents…” I pointed at where my parents are. “… I was able to hold on and keep going.”

I saw my Mom and Dad smiled making me lift the corner of my lips as well.

“You see, I made mistakes too. Yes, I haven’t cut classes. I did not have failing grades. However, I fell in love.”

Rinig ko ang tilian ng marami. Rinig na rinig ko pati ang boses ni Zek sa pagsigaw. Pati boses ni Mommy ay naririnig ko. And even the teachers behind me cheered.

Mahina akong natawa. “I don’t mean that falling in love is a mistake, what I meant to say is that because of love, I lost my direction. Hindi ko na sinusunod si Mom at Dad. Hindi na ako nakikinig sa advice ng mga kaibigan ko. Sarili ko lang at ang lalaking minahal ko ang pinakikinggan ko noon.”

Mas lalong lumakas ang tilian. I chuckled.

“Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know that love can wait so never lose yourself for love.” I smiled. “Your journey ahead of you would be tougher. Review for the bar exam, pass the bar exam, look for a job, apply for a job and feed your family. Sobrang dami pa ng pagdadaanan ninyo, trust me.”

I roamed my eyes at the crowd when my eyes stopped at the guy I already expected would be here. My smile slowly faded when I saw him. He’s looking at me as if he’s longing.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. “But while on your way, always remind yourself that when you make mistakes, you must learn from it. Huwag kayong matakot magkamali dahil mula sa pagkakamali kaya tayo natututo. Never be afraid of having fun because fun plus mistake equals lesson.”

Marami pa akong sinabi pero tila ba wala na ako sa aking sarili. Hindi maalis sa isipan ko ang katotohanang nanonood sa akin ang lalaking matagal ko nang hindi nakikita.

It’s been a long time that I wasn’t prepared for this. Yes, Zek told me that he might be here however I didn’t expect that he would actually watch me do my speech.

Kumusta na kaya siya? Is he happier? Did he moved on? But he doesn’t look healthy at all. He looks broke.

“And before I would end my speech, I would like to leave a memorable phrase for you. Love yourself more than anything, with that you’d be able to achieve every dream you have and love every people around you.” I smiled. “Thank you, everyone. Have a great day.”

Binigay kong muli ang microphone sa MC tsaka nginitian siya. Agad akong bumaba ng stage pero rinig ko pa rin ang malakas na palakpakan. Agad naman akong sinalubong nina Dad, Mom at Zek.

“How was it?” tanong ko sa kanila.

Mom smiled. “You did great up there.”

“Yep,” saad ni Dad. “Haven’t you heard the applause of the people from down here?”

I smiled a bit. Paano ko maririnig, eh, nawala na ako sa sarili nang makita ang taong hindi ko inaasahang makita.

“Well… I heard it though. It’s just that, I was too nervous to even notice na natapos ko pala agad ang speech ko. Wasn’t it too short or wasn’t it too long?” wika ko pa.

Tipid na ngumiti si Daddy. “No. Just enough for the people to be entertained.”

I nodded and smiled. Pumunta ang mga mata ko kay Zek na tila ba balisa. Palinga-linga siya sa paligid at hindi nagsasalita sa likod ni Dad.

Nilapitan ko siya saka kinalabit ang tagiliran niya. “Any problem?” tanong ko.

Nilingon niya ako. My eyes met with her troubled ones. “Uhm… Did you saw him?” bulong niya.

Nawala ang tipid kong ngiti nang mapagtanto ang ibig niyang sabihin. I am not dumb not to know who she’s referring to. Alam ko rin na nag-aalala siya sa akin kaya ganito siya.

Inakbayan ko siya saka hinaplos ang braso niya. “I did saw him. But look at me, I’m fine. You don’t have to feel bothered because he’s here. Okay lang naman ako and he didn’t do anything naman.” I smiled to reassure her.

She sighed. “I felt so uneasy when I saw him entered the venue. He immediately saw me awhile ago and he even talked to me… asking if you’re here.”

Napabitaw ako sa pagkakaakbay ko sa kanya saka mahinang napabuntong-hininga. Nawala ang ngiting nakaguhit sa mga labi ko.

“Why would he look for me, Zek? You think he wants something from me? Or maybe he wants to reunite with me?” tanong ko habang nakahalukipkip.

I am not psyched to talk to him yet. Yes, we may let bygones be bygones but somehow the pain that the past had caused will never be forgotten.

I know that I have to prepare myself for the things that are coming. The pain will definitely hinder things and that’s what I am scared of; confrontations. However, regardless the thought of preparing myself for the coming occurrences, there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to.

“Or maybe he wants to apologize for the things he have done to you,” wika ni Zek.

Nilingon ko siya. “He looks… unhealthy,” bulong ko. “You think he’s alright? Do you think he’s living a better life now? Did he achieved his dreams?”

Zek smiled at me. “I am not him, Primm. I won’t be able to answer those questions. Siya lang ang makakasagot niyan. If you want, prepare yourself for a long talk with him because I know there are a lot of things you still have to talk to, you still have to figure out and fix.”

I sighed. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Binaling ko ang mga mata sa stage. My forehead creased when I heard the MC called Simour’s name.

“Bakit niya tinatawag si Simour?” tanong ko kay Zek.

“Don’t know. Maybe he’s one of the guests but he’s late because he’s the Villegas-asshole,” aniya.

Tipid akong napangiti habang pinapanood siyang kinakamot ang batok habang ang Mommy niya ay pinanlalakihan siya ng mga mata. Siguro ay pinagagalitan ang anak niya dahil late ito.

“You’re still in love,” wika bigla ni Zek.

Napalingon ako sa kanya saka tinaasan siya ng kilay. Hindi mawala sa labi ko ang tipid na ngiti.

“What?” tanong ko.

She smiled at me. “You’re still so in love with him. I saw you smile a lot of times back then, but it’s not like that. Your smile right now is different.”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. “What if I’m just proud of him seeing him on stage? This time not just as the asshole of the school but the guest?”

“Well, that’s not what my eyes are seeing,” aniya.

In love? Well, I haven’t fell in love with just any man after Simour. I haven’t fell in love before him either. He was the only man that I loved so dearly. No wonder why it was so difficult for me to forget the pain he caused me.

Nevertheless, seeing him now still makes me smile. It still makes me triumphant of the thought that he’s doing better now.

I didn’t regret the day that I fell in love with him… that’s for sure. It was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He was my hero. He saved me when no one was there for me.

“So, that boy is here.”

Napalingon ako sa tabi ko nang marinig ang boses ni Daddy. “Dad?”

“That boy is here,” aniya habang ang tingin ay nasa stage lang kung nasaan nakatayo si Simour.

Tipid akong ngumiti saa tumingin na rin sa stage. Simour is now sitting at the chair but his are eyes are… on me.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin saka nilingon si Dad. “He’s one of the guests po, Dad.”

He nodded. “I know. How’s your heart?”

I smiled and hugged his arm. “Daddy, this day is not about him. It’s about me. Let’s not talk about him na lang, hmm?”

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s focus on the good things.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What do you mean good things, Dad? Bad thing si Simour? Is that what you mean?”

Tumaas ang kilay niya. “Yes! That bad boy stole you away from me years ago and I still can’t forget that! I mean— look at that boy! He looks so small beside me, he looks like a coward but he was able to stole you from me!”

Humalukipkip siya saka masama ang tingin kay Simour na inosenteng nakaupo sa stage.

Hinaplos ko ang braso ni Dad saka mahinang natawa. “Uso move on, Daddy. Move on ka rin.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “I will never let that boy snatch you again.”

Mahina akong natawa. “CR lang ako, Dad. Tell Mom.”

Tumango siya. “Alright. Take care.”

I then walked towards the hallway that leads the location of the CR. I went inside the female’s CR and closed the door. I was about to enter on of the cubicles when the door of the CR burst open.

Napatili ako saka nanlalaki ang mga matang napatingin sa taong nagbukas no’n. I felt relaxed when I saw that’s it’s Simour—wait, Simour?!

“Simour?! What are you doing here?! This is the female’s bathroom!” asik ko agad sa kanya.

He was silent. He stared at me with his longing eyes that says ‘I miss you’. His messy hair is a bit longer now and he has grown stubbles.

He’s wearing a white long sleeve polo and a red necktie but I feel like he didn’t iron it. Lukot-lukot, eh.

He looked like a lost CEO trapped in an island filled with monsters.

I was waiting for him to take a step forward but he didn’t make a move. Nanatili lang siya sa kinatatayuan niya habang titig na titig sa akin.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. “W-What are you doing here?” Mahina kong tanong.

“How are you?” bulong niya.

His voice sounds so dark ad menacing but I know it comforted me once.

“I’m doing fine,” wika ko. “You?”

I don’t even know where I find the guts to ask him. I just feel like he needed that.

He chuckled blankly. “I wasn’t doing fine. I was lost and… I lost two of the important people in my life.”

Napasagap ako ng hangin. Hindi ko magawang tumingin sa kanya. Unti-unting gumuhit ang sakit sa dibdib ko habang pinakikinggan siya.

He lost three. I lost three.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Simour,” wika ko. “I don’t want to go back to the past where the pain seeks to kill me.”

He sighed. He went silent. Then slowly I heard small sobs and sniffs from him making me look at him.

Nakayuko siya at lumuluha. His shoulders are shaking and his biting his lip hard.

“I-I’m sorry, babe,” bulong niya.

Agad na nanlabo ang paningin ko. Agad na bumalik lahat ng masasakit na ala-ala, lahat ng masasakit na salita, lahat ng mga nawala.

“Y-Your sorry won’t bring back my baby, Simour.” My voice broke.

He nodded sadly. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin. “N-Nasasaktan din ako, babe. N-Nahihirapan din ako. H-Halos araw-araw sinisi ko ang sarili ko sa pagkawala niya. A-Araw-araw akong naglalasing at umiiyak, h-hinihiling sa Diyos na ibalik siya. N-Na sana ako na lang ang kinuha niya… s-sana ako na lang.”

Tears started falling down my cheeks. Mahigpit akong napakapit sa suit na suot ko. Humahapdi na naman ang dibdib ko.

I came to the point that I was so mad at him but I never wished to God to just take him instead. I lost one, I don’t want to lose him too.

“D-Don’t say that,” bulong ko. “I-I was mad at you too, Simour. I-I suffered when I was with you. I-I was in pain when I c-chose you rather than my parents. P-Pero never kong dinasal sa Diyos na sana ikaw na lang ang k-kinuha. B-Because I believed that he has reasons why.”

Mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi niya hanggang sa naging hagulhol. Hindi ko mapigilang lingunan siya.

Takip-takip niya ang mukha niya gamit ang sarili niyang mga palad. Sobrang lakas ng hagulhol niya na nagpapasikip ng dibdib ko.

Seeing him right now, I could see that he’s lost.

“S-Sorry, babe.” Wala siyang ibang binibigkas kundi ang mga katagang iyon, paulit-ulit. “S-Sorry. K-Kasalanan ko. S-Sorry.”

Seeing him weep makes me realize that he had been in hell for the past years. He didn’t have the justice for the pain. He was living in pain for years.

Sumagap ako ng hangin saka muling nag-iwas ng tingin. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha saka siya malungkot na tinitigan.

I didn’t know what comes next. All I knew is that I walked towards him and give him the things that I believe he needed.

A hug.

Mas lalo siyang napahagulhol. Mahigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. He placed his face on the crook of my neck as he murmured his never ending apologies.

“S-Sorry, babe. S-Sorry. M-Mahal na mahal kita. M-Mahal na mahal ko kayo.” He cried.

I sighed. Nagsituluan na naman ang mga luha ko. “Let’s just forget it and move forward, Simour. W-Wala tayong mapapala kung patuloy tayong titira sa nakaraan. Let’s not waste time just by dwelling in the past. There are a lot of things that we can do in the present. Let’s focus on what’s today.”

“H-Hindi ko kaya. A-Araw-araw kong napapanaginipan ang katotohanang wala na kayo sa piling ko. Araw-araw akong b-binabangungot. G-Gusto kong makalimot pero hindi ko magawa. S-Sobrang sakit makita siya na isang puntod na lang. S-Sinisisi nang sinisisi ko ang sarili ko.”

I don’t know what to say anymore. No words can make him feel better, right now. He’s in pain, I was in pain too. I knew how hard it was that even words can’t take it away.

But yes… how I wish his sorry could take back everything. The love and the family that we once had.

…
©️thorned_heartu