Will I Know You? (The Lost Souls on Tour: The First Tour)

Special Chapter

Ariene Meilania Villarga Gallego

I didn't expect to feel lonely despite having these important people around me. 

Or maybe I was really meant to become alone. 

I have been trying so hard to divert my attention and pour all my efforts into the important things that could benefit what's ahead of me. But I always end up thinking deeply while observing the people around me. I couldn't help but notice others' struggles, but no one even noticed mine. 

"You're doing great," Mom mumbled coldly while staring at my report card. Excited akong ipakita sa kaniya iyon dahil alam kong pinaghirapan ko 'yon. I ranked second in our class since I can't really beat Theo when it comes to this. But that's not what I was expecting to see from my mother's reaction. I expected her to be proud but I could only see the pure coldness in her obsidian eyes.

Or maybe I just expected more like how other people expect more from me as the eldest daughter of my parents.

Binalik niya sa akin ang aking card habang ako ay may mapait na ngiti itong tinanggap. It's not even new anymore. What did I even expect? Damn expectations. It really leads you to disappointment. And disappointment doesn't even taste good on your tongue.

"Ah, Mommy. Magpapaalam lang po sana ako," mahina kong ani, umaasang payagan na kahit sa una pa lang, alam kong wala na siyang pakialam. She lets me, not because I was the spoiled one, but because I was the least prioritize one. Akala ni Aster ako ang paborito kasi kahit kailan, walang siyang narinig na kahit anong reklamo mula kay Mommy patungkol sa akin. Hindi niya alam, wala lang talagang pakialam si Mommy sa akin at siya lang laging iniisip sa amin.

But it's fine. It's normal...right? I'm the eldest one here...of course, their attention would be on my younger siblings.

She raised an eyebrow. 

I bit my lower lip. "Pupunta lang po kami kina Theo. May celebration po kasi dahil pinaghanda po si Theo ng Mommy niya." Na kahit kailan hindi ko naranasan mula sa 'yo. You praised me, but it sounds too apathetic whenever I am hearing it. Like you didn't mean it at all, all those praises you mumbled. Like you are just saying it for the sake of my feelings but it just makes me feel worse about it.

She nodded her head. "Si Aster? How is she doing? Still persistent in pursuing that foolish music?"

I slightly smiled. Even though it was supposed to be my spotlight today, she still thinks about my siblings rather than me who is in front of her. 

I sighed heavily. "S-She's fine. I'm not sure about her plans but she's doing fine."

"How about Luck?"

"He's also doing fine."

How about me?

She never asked how I was doing. She never got curious about it. Maybe she thinks that I can take care of myself because I am the firstborn, that I should also take care of my siblings because that is my job. 

Masyado nang nakatatak sa utak ko na hindi ako dapat maging mahina dahil ako ang unang tatakbuhan ng mga kapatid ko sa oras na kailanganin nila ng taong malalapitan. Na hindi ako puwedeng magpakita ng kahit anong kahinaan.

Even though how it was hard to deal with my struggles, I have to hide them and fight silently because I have to act as the second parent to my younger siblings.

Kaya siguro walang nakakapansin ng mga paghihirap ko dahil kahit kailan, hindi ko naman pinahalata. But will you blame me if I am still hoping that there is someone who can still see through me? The one who will understand me?