i feel like shit.
i didn't feel like getting up this morning, but i knew i had to. i dreaded seeing mikes face today, we haven't talked since what he said yesterday. i'm too embarrassed to admit that it's true. i'm in love with him, he just doesn't know it. i hate that i love him. i hate who i am for it.
we avoided each other all day yesterday, lunch was excruciatingly awkward. neither of us talked to anyone nor each other. i could tell he wanted to by the way he was looking at me, but i didn't want to talk. he's just a dick and i need my space away from him.
since i recently got my offical license, i can now drive to school instead of riding my bike. i use jonathan's old car since he got a new one before college. his old car is a piece of junk, but ever since we fixed it, it works i guess. i just have to save up for a new car some day.
i waited downstairs for el, anxiously pouncing my leg and checking my watch for her to walk downstairs.
-"el, c'mon!" i yelled, not getting a response.
it was 7:42, we have to be there by 7:50.
i march upstairs and to her room, seeing her sitting at the edge of her bed holding an empty backpack. she looked startled when i opened the door.
-"what are you doing? we're going to be late." i calmly asked while standing in her doorway.
-"i don't feel well, hop said i could stay." she mumbled, giving me a sad expression on her face.
i hesitated to leave her alone.. what was she doing?
i slowly nodded, shutting the door and starting to walk downstairs.
she was acting oddly, i wonder why?
i walked downstairs to the door and grabbed my keys from the dining room.
-"i'm leaving mom!" i yelled with my hand on the doorknob.
-"wait!" she yelled, walking towards me at the door and kissing my forehead.
-"have a good day, hon." she smiled, messing up my hair.
-"thanks." i groaned, fixing my hair before walking out the door and getting into the car.
i was glad the engine actually started, it usually took a while to in the mornings.
i rushed down the roads as fast as i could so i wouldn't be late to class since it was already 7:45.
luckily i made it just in time, school wasn't far from home so i got there at 7:48. just two minutes before the bell would ring.
i locked my car before walking through the double doors and down the freshman wing to get to my locker.
as i walked through the hallways, my classmates kept on looking at me weirdly and giggling or whispering in their friends ear.
what the hell was going on?
i noticed a few people surrounding my locker, laughing and talking.
oh shit..
i ran to what everyone was looking at, seeing all of my friends standing up in the front of the crowd.
i squeezed through to make it to the front and saw what everyone was talking about.
"william wheeler"
"faggot"
"die from aids"
"queers burn in hell"
"mr and mr fairy wheeler"
they were all painted and carved onto my locker, i could hear the people from near me talking. i was so confused on why this was up here, how could they know?
"is it true youre in love with mike wheeler? we overheard you in the hall yesterday." a boy from my class whispered to me, making my heart sink into my stomach.
i slowly turn my head to mike, seeing he was just as upset as i was. only now i was more angrier than upset.
i pushed through everyone in the hallways and ran as fast as i could outside and away from everything and everyone.
this is all mikes fault.
how did they even hear? weren't they supposed to be in class?
this is also my fault.
mike wasn't lying, i am in love with him. now everyone knows and soon.. mike will know too. he'll know the truth. and so will everyone.
i ran out to the grassy field in the back of the school, holding onto my stomach with my hands while feeling slightly sick.
everyone is laughing at me.
they all know.
i couldn't help but start breaking down and falling on my knees, i felt so overwhelmed.
i fucking hate mike.
i hate him.
i hate him so much.
