𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 | s. lopez

Mattresses

Meeting in the choir room -- Kurt

Juniper furrowed her brows at the text. What could possibly be so important that it couldn't wait until Glee Club?

She headed down the hall and into the choir room where everyone – except Rachel – was gathered around the piano.

"What's going on?" Juniper asked.

"No idea," shrugged Puck. "Kurt just said everyone needed to meet here."

Kurt walked into the choir room with a stack of yearbooks. He placed them down on the piano, making a loud thud noise.

"Where's Rachel?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"She's not here yet," said Finn.

"Perfect," said Kurt. "Glee Club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face. As of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution. Swirlies, patriotic wedgies."

"What's a patriotic wedge?" asked Mercedes.

"It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies," explained Finn.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American," said Artie.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee Club terror," said Kurt. I've done a little library research." He opened up one of the yearbooks that he brought with him. "Peter Geller, Glee Club second teno, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on hitler mustache and a rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Geller had a nervous breakdown. He's now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

"Patches?" asked Quinn and Juniper at the same time.

"Yup. Patches," confirmed Kurt.

"He barks at my mom," said Brittany.

"Exhibit B," said Kurt, showing another page. "Tawny Peterson. Glee Club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head in a macabre tableau that in four years would prove eerily prescient."

"What does that mean?" asked Juniper.

"It means it came true," said Kurt. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling."

"Oh, hey, guys," said Mr. Schuester as he came into the room. "Looking at old Thunderclaps?"

"It's really unsettling," said Artie.

"And totally unfair," said Mr. Schue

Juniper and Puck exchanged confused looks.

"Hey, can I borrow one of these?" he asked, taking one of the yearbooks from Kurt. "You know what? This year's Thunderclap is gonna have a Glee Club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

Mr. Schue left the room.

"That bitch is trying to get us killed," mumbled Juniper.

****

"Hey, guys, great news!" announced Mr. Schue as he entered the choir room. "Glee Club gets a photo in the Thunderclap!"

"That's good news?" Juniper asked, turning to Artie.

"You're so right, he's trying to get us killed," said Artie.

"It's gonna show everyone at the school that Glee Club is on its way up. When we win regionals, those Claps are going to be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs," said Mr. Schue, trying to get them excited. "But I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in the back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're gonna put it to a vote. Exciting, huh?"