It was a Time For Gargoyles

I just want you to be happy again

"Are you ready for this?"

That's the question that keeps coming back, the question that swirls around my head making me doubt the things I've already moved past from. This is also the question that Doctor Quincey has brought up, silence fills the space as my thoughts go back and forth.

Am I ready?

it's been several months since the... incident, I've been processing and working hard to move past that time in my life as well as the past in Scotland.

"I don't know"

that's the only answer I could think of the only response that would break through the barrier that keeps my thoughts locked away. I know in my heart that version of him of reality doesn't exist but if I don't remember him then I feel like I'm betraying the sacrifice he made for me. Does that mean sacrificing my love for this Brooklyn as well though?

"I told him yes when he asked me I said yes" I start to say to the doctor who observes me with her knees crossed over the other with her notebook in her lap and a steaming cup of coffee on the side table. "but if I live a happily ever after that makes me feel guilty".

"Why is that?" The red-haired doctor asks me as I look away feeling her eyes on me as I stare out the window seeing the clouds that I would love to fly through at that very moment.

"that version of Red sacrificed himself so I could be happy but I'm supposed to be happy with him," my hands move as I speak frustration making its way through me and expressing itself.

"but that version in reality never existed beyond that plane of existence if I'm correct, the older Brooklyn was real to you though his death was real so the question now is can you be happy and accept this Brooklyn for the differences he has with the older version of him"

Silence fills the room once again as I'm left speechless, pondering if what she says is true, I mean, of course, it's true but will it be enough for me? He has been more than enough for me for the past several months. The acceptance and love that Red has shared have been enough to fill my cup.

so why am I struggling with this

The act of being happy, why is it so hard, why can't I let myself be happy

Quincey stands up giving me a hint that it's the end of our session for today "For the next several days I want you to ponder on this issue, to dissect why you feel the way you do, and see if you can think of ways to move past it even in the smallest forms".

I move through the castle, Nostalgia running its course through me a feeling of slight homesickness is stuck for a second but disappears as I keep walking, making my way outside for a breath of fresh air.

"how was your session today?" I hear behind me the deep sound of David's voice making me turn with a slight smile on my face before they widen with shock.

an older Xantaos with white streaks and a scruffy beard and scars look back at me with a hideous grin. With shaking hands, I take a step back reaching for my concealed knife that I carry with me but in the blink of an eye, he's replaced with my David who raises an eyebrow at me. Taking a deep breath, I release my grip on my sheath, turning away from him more out of embarrassment than anything else.

"It went fine, talked about recent events and whatnot" I reply my voice flat as I look out at the city that I call home, very different than the open hills and quiet dirt paths that I loved before.

"you seem on edge today?" David comments leaning on the stone with his elbows as I hold my hands together staring out into the cloudless sky. "it's an off day" replying to him with an edge to my voice he looks at me, his gazes hardening slightly in thought. I wonder what he's thinking about, why I'm a bit distant today, or if fox and alexander are doing okay with whatever they're doing in this huge castle.