Overkill // Joseph Quinn

6- routine, routine, routine

"What's this?"

I jerked my head over to the sound of Jamie's voice and was immediately on my feet toward him.

"Oh, nothing. Just a sample." I exited out of the software and onto what I originally asked him to go to.

I need to put my songs on my own hard drive instead of the one placed in the studio for public use. That concept never made sense to me since big, famous singers can work in the same place as someone like me. Their work could easily be compromised or even stolen.

"So, are you wanting a more edgy feel or a calmer one?" My subject change was a smooth transition as Jamie completely disregarded my frantic manners. He looked closer at the clean slated software that was made for us to start fresh from.

"What do you think?" He asked, crossing his arms and starting intensively at the screen. I tapped my fingers along my chin in thought, not expecting him to place the decision on me.

"I honestly think it could be either, or maybe a little bit of both?" My suggestion made his eyes brighten and he was quick to nod in agreeance.

I started working on some beat placements and decided to go against my own ideas and move away from the technology of it all.

"Not to question your excellence, but what are you doing?" Jamie cocked his head back, puzzled.

I ignored his question and moved to one of the electric guitars on the other side of the room. I hooked everything up and strummed a chord to make sure everything was in place. After being satisfied, I started creating notes and eyeing the lyrics he had given me to work with. I wanted to add some spice into this, something that you don't often hear anymore.

"This is great." His arms are still crossed over his chest as he analyzes my choice of instrumentation.

We wrapped up our studio session as our time was nearing an end. The entire time Jamie seemed a lot more determined and excited to finish this project than he ever has been. My mind trails back to Jo telling me he auditioned for a role in the show, making me quick to believe that he had heard some news.

Another week had went by since Jo had last mentioned a single word to me about my tape. Nothing else has been said or even joked about like he had before. It made me worry that he had already known the outcome and was too afraid to tell me I didn't get it. I still was successfull about not working myself up over it, but I couldn't deny that I was still dying to know for the sake of my overthinking.

I went back to my lonely, quiet apartment. The routine I had built over the years had never been intertwined with anything new that stuck. Other than spontaneous plans out with Jo or lonely nights where I wanted to go on a walk and feed my mind with inspiration for music. I needed more spice, I needed some newness.

Dixie meows loudly once she finally notices my presence. I put her food into her bowl, routinely, and plopped myself on to the couch, routinely, while turning on the tv, routinely.

I sighed, already thinking about doing this all again tomorrow. The noises from Dixie chewing her food was also apart of my routine; growing tremendously annoyed with the obnoxious chomping noises that almost echoed throughout the entire apartment.

She was soon finished and, routinely, jumped on the couch and walked over to find her place on my lap. I ran my fingers through her fur and continued to scroll through my options on tv shows or movies... routinely.

I groaned out, almost scaring Dixie half to death. I picked her up quickly before laying her back onto the couch so I could take a step out onto the balcony. This was sometimes in my routine, but the events that I witness while doing it were never the same. There was always a new car to see or new people walking down the streets. I found comfort in the smallest amount of human interaction, even if it was just staring down at them doing their own routines.

I leaned against the railing, my anxiety sending warning signals through my brain that it might collapse and cause me to go tumbling down. I shook the thoughts out of my head when they finally won and went back inside.

Jo had always told me to branch out and find new friends, but he was the only friend I thought I needed. I did meet a lot of new people with my job, but it was for my job, nothing serious or permanent.

I decided to give in on my sad attempts to changing up my routine and went onto my phone. I started on Instagram, where most activity is shown. I scroll through countless pictures of people stepping out of their routines and having a spontaneous life. I came across a photo that caught my eye, making me smile at their own big one.

I was never really close with my one and only sibling, Sara, who was a total opposite from me. She went to college to get a doctorates degree in psychology, which has created her life to be a dream, at least for her anyways. She's always been adamant about school and being top of her class, while I always looked at school as a joke and thought potential lied within ourselves rather than textbooks.

I decide to ignore the picture, avoiding any sort of hint of her wanting to contact me. I didn't hate her, nor dislike her, but having small talk with her or catching up was almost completely repulsive.

I went off the app and traveled my thumb across two other forms of social media, unable to choose which one might entertain me the most. I decided to close my eyes and tap on one, which led me to Twitter. I sighed in preparation of what I was about to come across and was unexpected to see a few things about me.

It was rare that I had got any serious recognition for my work. Of course artists would give me credit even for the smallest acts of work for them, but I was always a hidden factor that was never extraordinary enough to be idolized like the rest.

I smile at any recognition I get, so now I am smiling at the few posts I have come across that talk about me. I react to them, letting them know I appreciate it but without acting cocky and keeping my modesty.

A thought jolted to my brain, and impulsive one at that. I was hesitant to search the Stranger Things Writers page in case there were any new details about the upcoming season that would somehow include me in any way, even if it was someone else getting my part. I just needed to wait until I heard it officially, I don't think they're even allowed to post anything about it yet.

I typed it into my phone anyway, not having anything else better to do. I close my eyes once I press the search bar and was reluctant to open them when I knew the page has already loaded. I tap on the account, scroll down a little, and was instantly disappointed. I think that word doesn't come close to how I really feel, but I didn't want to go against the mindset I've created for myself in the past month.

It was the Stranger Things Writers account replying to a fan's request for content, to which they reply "4 more main characters... officially."

My heart finally processed the situation after my brain try to push it off for a while, letting it break softly but loud enough for me to almost hear. They found their new cast, and I have yet to hear any good news about it.

I would think they'd tell me that I didn't get it and not just ghost me like a normal job, so maybe it's not what I think it is. Maybe they're just announcing that they've officially come up with the new characters.

Or maybe I'm just in denial that I have been rejected once again.

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I wanted to provide a little deeper look into the character's lifestyle, which isn't the best in her opinion...

*worlds smallest violin plays*