Overkill // Joseph Quinn

49

A week later:

After releasing Lonesome & Mad, things started to become hectic again.

Drew started pushing the idea of me getting to perform and many artists have got in contact to work with me. I forgot how it felt to write music for others, since that's what I did for the first part of my career.

Not only has my work life been hectic, but the group has started to plan more in depth about our trip to New York City for New Years. Apparently some of the cast that's been filming in New Mexico are also coming. I've only met them briefly, so it'll be nice to get to spend more time with them.

Jo is finally back in L.A and has been a huge help, same with Maya and even Joseph. I can't even imagine what I'd do without any of them. I've also thought about Jamie a lot and how much I missed him and his mind. I made sure to shoot him a text to update him on my life currently.

miss you and your mind. hope you're doing good. i just released a new song that i think you'd really like. see you in NYC ;)

Today is one of the first days in a while that I've just been able to sit on my couch with Dixie. Her behavior is starting to worry me, but I know she's just getting old. She struggles to lift her weight to get onto the couch, so I pick her up to avoid her from being in pain. The vet said her joints are just getting weaker but it still devastates me. This cat has been my life and I've been hers, considering I've had her since she was a baby.

Maya, Jo, Joseph, and I planned to go get dinner later in the evening. It's only 3 pm, so I have plenty of time to enjoy my peace and quiet.

Which only lasted for another 30 minutes.

I've started to become restless with having nothing to do. I'm so used to being on the go to the point where that's what I prefer. Don't get me wrong, having this time to myself is pure bliss, but I feel stupidly bored.

I've been trying to give myself a break from writing anything. These breaks give me time to write smaller ideas for when I do want to write, or when I need to write more like. It's starting to feel like that anyways.

Writing has always been a big part of my life, since I was even able to write. Whether it was just journaling or making something musical, I've always been drawn to using it for a release. Every sad or angered or lonely moment I've had has been written down in some form. It's kind of like a self-treatment or therapy. Recently, though, writing has felt more like an obligation rather than something I do leisurely.

Which makes me wonder why I want to write about these feelings so bad.

My notebook taunts me on the coffee table that my feet rest on. I play around with Dixie's fur in contemplation. I really do need a break from it, no matter how much it sucks. If I don't, I'm setting myself up for complete burnout. If I'm already having these thoughts then they will just get worse the more I try to stray away from them by actually writing.

Who am I kidding? This is my life.

Work related or not, it's always going to be something I need to do. It's weird how something I once enjoyed keeps me employed now.

Dixie meows loudly. I smile; how is it possible that I can understand a cat so much?

I listen to her and reach for my notebook, writing the last part of my thoughts down.

Things I once enjoyed, just keep me employed now. Things I'm longing for, someday I'll be bored of. It's so weird.

While I may feel this way, the excitement still hasn't left.