Overkill // Joseph Quinn

56

April 19th.

It's hard to believe that the end is already here. The bittersweet feeling floods my hotel room. This will be the last room in Georgia that I'll have for a long time, and to think I found myself complaining about them. It's hard to not take things for granted until it's gone.

I flatten my skirt in front of the body length mirror. My hands begin to feel clammy with the anxiety. I don't think I feel nervous to be around everyone, but nervous to finally face the end.

How grateful am I to be able to say that this won't be the last time I'll see these people, though. I've gained so many friendships throughout this last year. I'll forever cherish the closeness.

Mostly.

I know Joseph will be here tonight, but I'm not sure I mind. I've had the last 4 or 5 months to go through the "grieving" process. That may seem dramatic, and it is, but I don't know any other way to describe the rollercoaster of emotions I've felt in that time. Not once have we made contact, either. I can't say that didn't help because it did. My heart is too full for it to be drained even in the slightest by his presence.

A knock comes on my door and the feelings increase.  I wipe my hands along my skirt, now to relieve the clamminess, as I make my way to the door.

"You ready, rockstar?" Jo stands in casual yet formal attire. I'm not sure if I've ever seen him actually dress up.

"I think so." I take one last glance of my room before shutting the door behind me.

I'll have the last moments in the room later when I grab my belongings. Jo and I plan to fly back home right after this.

We actually have our first rehearsal for my show in June.

I was able to go back home a few times during the last bits of filming to get my band sorted out. Drew and I were able to finalize the contestants that made it to the end; Waylon for drums and his sister Gracie for piano and addition percussion. They stuck out since the first day we met. Jo has also still made it clear that he will be my lead guitar.

"This feels unreal." Jamie exits out of his room as Jo and I walk past. We both agree and continue walking to the elevator.

"You know he's gonna be here." Jamie says again, pressing the button for the elevator.

Him and Joseph have become exceptionally close in these last few months. I guess he's been sort of a confidant for Joseph. It bothered me at first, but I'm just glad he has someone to rely on.

"I figured. This is his job also." I state, entering the elevator as soon as the doors crack open.

"That was dumb of me to say, actually." He shoves his hands into his pockets, embarrassed.

"It's okay, really. I'm fine. We're both adults. I'm sure we can stand being in the same room together." I try and joke, but it comes out forced.

I really am okay with it, though. Truly.

Jamie knows something I don't by his reaction. I ignore it, though. I don't need to find a reason to feel uneasy about any interactions we may have.

Our driver greets us as we exit the hotel building. It's not long until we arrive at the restaurant. Shorter than I would've wanted. There are so many emotions spreading around my body like a virus, I just can't seem to place any of them.

The crew is already at the table when we enter. Apparently the producers were able to book out the restaurant so that it's just us for the evening. I'm not sure if I've ever received such treatment before. It's crazy how much you can get away with in this industry.