What Makes A Villain // Mattheo Riddle

Feelings

Mattheo supposed there had always been that feeling of helplessness, lingering, but it was manageable, a slight inconvenience if anything.

But if Mattheo was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, the first time he remembered feeling completely helpless was when he realised the person he loved could never love him back. Not after what he had done. Not after his own actions.

It was false hope to expect the one light in his life, the only one that was truly and utterly his, to never burn out. Mattheo felt nothing ever went right in his life. But he knew this was due to his own self. If he tried, really tried, he was sure he could turn it around. But there was no point now, everything he loved had fallen from his hands like sand between his fingers.

So yes. I guess Mattheo had always known it was false hope, false happiness. He had always known that loving someone would never work out for someone like him. It wasn't in his nature, it never had been and now it never would be.

●●●●

Lilli strutted down the hall. Students stared her down as she walked, she knew what they were thinking, but why care? It's not like she could change their mind, their prospective. So she wouldn't, instead she would live up to their expectations. Do and act how they expected her to.

Theo and Draco were sat on one of the open window ledges in the downstairs corridor when they noticed her.
As she walked past the two boy stood up behind her, towering over her. They looked like two body guards, protecting their prized possession. They followed her up the hall and students parted to let them through.
 
Now the stares dropped, peoples eyes were glued firmly to the cold stone floor. Because if they dared to look up it was very likely Theodore Nott or Draco Malfoy would hex them into oblivion. Of course the students felt threatened by Lilli's presence, but she was known to be calm and at least a little bit forgiving. They knew she wouldn't curse a student in the hall. Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for the two boys. They were well known for their anger issues and their tendencie to start fights. So it wasn't worth the risk of making eye contact.

"I didn't realise I had bodyguards, how much do I pay you?" Lilli chuckled without looking back at the boys.
"A hundred an hour" Draco joked
"I'm sick of all the staring" Theo grumbled, ruining the mood.
"Yes Theo, we all are Draco snapped "It's fine, we're leaving next week" Lilli informed them "What?" The confused shouts came in unison.

"I said we're leaving, if the trio can go horcrux hunting. So can we" Lilli sounded adamant. "Yes miss" Theo saluted "I guess I've nothing better to do" Draco shrugged "Good, I suggest you start packing then. I'm on my way to tell the others"

Mattheos Pov:

The only thing I can hear anymore is the constant chatter of voices in my mind. It's not like I'm not used to it, it's just I've become quite accustomed to everyone else's voices droning them out. Lilli and Pansys sweet laughs. Blaises deep, booming voice. Enzos constant idiotic questions. Theos sarcasm and Draco unnecessary comments. I even got used to Liams constant nagging. But none of them spoke to me anymore, I was alone again, alone with my own voice and the little people talking in my head.

I guess you could say I'd grown quite fond of the little group who spent their days sat on the couch infront of a roaring fire, no matter the weather. They say they've forgiven me, but I don't believe them, how could they?
I hadn't even forgiven myself. And if they had forgiven me how come they never speak to me? Sometimes Theo does. I think he wants everything to go back to normal, he never was a fan of change. But it's clear he resents me, I understand why, I mean I almost killed his sister.

Well, if they weren't going to talk to me, I guess I should just enjoy the company of the little people in my head. At least they never leave me, they're always there. They don't get mad at me, in fact, they're usually quite supportive of my ideas.

I watched her walk in with Theo and Draco behind her. They all love her so much. I mean they all love each other, but she's special. She's like their leader, their mother, their boss. Whatever you want to call it, she's in charge.

"Christmas break is next week and we're leaving" She ordered "I thought we were all going to stay here?" Pansy was the first to question her "The plans changed" "Why?" Enzo and his constant questions "If Harry can go Horcrux hunting, so can we. We need to do something" Everyone nodded, they all trusted her and it's not like any of us have anywhere better to go. "So I suggest we get our stuff together soon. All of us" she looked directly at me, so I nodded. Although the only thing I was focused on were her eyes, the way they met mine and lingered there for a half second more then they should.

"So where are we going" and with that question, Enzo took her eyes from mine.

●●●●

It had been a week since Lilli had told us off her plans. We had packed up most of the things we'd need and were ready to leave.

"You got everything?" Theo leaned into my dorm "I guess, don't own much" I shrugged "you've been quiet lately" Theo sat himself down on Liams old bed,"Not your usual self, snarky and sarcastic" "Not in the mood"
"I want to have sympathy for you, really I do, but it's hard" Theo sighed, I didn't reply but he still continued talking. It was clear this is what he had been bottling up, waiting to tell me.

"She finally left, moved on, found her happiness somewhere else. I try to feel sorry for you I truly do, you've lost someone who would have done absolutely anything for you, she would've stayed up with you all night because you had a nightmare, she would've held you when you cried, she would've bought you all your favorite things to make you feel special, she would've stood by you no matter what,  spoken up for you in front of anyone. Because she truly believed you were worth it.
I wonder how you feel now on the inside, now you've tried to go back to her. And you've realised, her doors no longer open for you, her voice no longer calls you in, you no longer have a place in her heart, because you've destroyed it. You never were the most important person to her. Because she loves us all equally, but you're not even on her list anymore. And it's all your fault"

Theos words cut like a knife. They just reassured everything I already thought. And I knew Theo was right.

"Your coming with us, because you're still part of the family. We still care enough to see you safe, but you've truly fucked up" Theo pulled me into a hug. It confused me because a second ago Theo was screaming at me, I hadn't even had the chance to reply.

But I guess that's what familys do. They scream and shout and then they hug and make up. Because they love each other. I mean that's what happens in the stories I read, but this was my first time actually experiencing 'family'.

I just nodded, hoping he didn't see my eyes welling up with tears.

"We're leaving in ten minutes, come downstairs when you've pulled yourself together" He patted my back and trotted off down the hall.