Part of You | AU Countryhumans Fanfiction

╰┈➤ Chapter Seventeen

MARTIAL LAW
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I hate my life so much. Why did God let me live like this?

Negative thoughts. Regret. Anger. Hate. They are rushing in my mind right now. I couldn't believe my own brother, who I share this body with, would tell me to stay inside his mind and take over less frequently. Wow. It's like he wished me to be gone FOREVER as if I did nothing else but to ruin his work.

Home is unsafe anymore. I don't want to go there. Papa agreed to what Philip wanted me to do. They both made the house a home for homophobic people. Kuya Del is not there. He's a better choice to talk with but I'm too lazy to reach him now.

As I climb the mountain of rocks I used to visit... I am wishing China is here too. He is the only person I know who'll listen to me. I believe he can at least make me happy.

I finally reached the summit. I quickly looked around to search for him.

Phew. I relaxed my chest by exhaling the heaviness in it when I found him looking at the view of the blue sea and the sunset. I suddenly felt excited. I ran towards him and shouted his name. "China!"

I didn't bother to check his reaction or hear his words. I knelt down beside him and wrapped my arms around him tightly. The tears I was holding back since that time I talked to Philip spilled out from my eyes. I gripped his shirt and sobbed. I felt his hand patting my back.

Oh... home, this is.

"This day must've become bad for you. What happened?" I heard his calming voice ask me.

I slowly let go of him. I avoided eye contact with him. I kept my head bowed. I, then, answered, "No one wants me here. I shouldn't have existed." I hugged my legs and buried my head on my arms.

"Who told you that?"

"It is said to me indirectly! Philip told me that papa asked him to tell me not to take over anymore!"

"Why would your father-"

"That's the question. Philip didn't tell me why but I should follow it anyway."

How bullshit this life that's given to me.

I continued talking, "They both made me realize they don't see me as a person but JUST AN ALTER THAT PHILIP SHOULD GET RID OFF BECAUSE I'M A MENTAL DISORDER!" I sarcastically laughed. "Fucking funny. Ever since we found out I'm the dead twin brother of Philip, papa started to take control of my life. Telling me not to take over much. Always follow what Philip tells me to do because he is the owner of the body. Fuck this shit. It's like he told me, 'Now that you're an alter, you have no right to make your own choices'. How ridiculous!" I gripped my hair. "Why did God let me have this kind of life? Was I stupid in my previous life?!" I looked up to the skies. "KILL ME, THEN! NOW! Oh, I suddenly realize I can't do that because I cannot kill the body I have but I don't own. Fucking shit."

"Alters disappear from the host's mind when the host learns to stand alone and isn't broken mentally anymore, right?"

"Correct. Hehe. I existed here just to be Philip's secret weapon when he can't handle shit anymore." I buried my face back again on my arms. "I don't want to disappear yet. I haven't done anything much. Everything I did is for Philip... not for me. I haven't gone to Ukraine, Germany, Japan, and Antarctica! I haven't tried sushi. I haven't tried diving. I'm jealous of Philip. Why can't I have the life he has? I lived... to disappear."

China patted my back again. "Calm down, Martial. I'm sad you're feeling that way. For someone who isn't selfish like you, you don't deserve how you're treated now."