Deviate | Levi Ackerman x OC

Ch. 16

Things had certainly changed since that night in the kitchen. I continued to work alongside the squad as they carried on with preparations for the upcoming expedition, but matters when it came to Levi stayed strictly on the professional side of things. He didn't engage with me in any way beyond what was required. Where the quips and banter we'd been working up to had once been was now curt rundowns about what we'd be working on for the day and little else. I went back to having my meals with Hange and everyone in the chow hall. Levi occasionally joined us there, too, but seemed extra careful now to ensure he was seated almost anywhere but next to me. He wasn't exactly rude about anything, just very indifferent.
Hange checked in with me for updates about the whole situation from time to time, more often than not disappointed at the lack of information or progress. They tried their best to be supportive and gave suggestions for how to try and salvage what we could of it, but I was somehow more hopelessly lost than ever. The idea of formally going to Erwin to withdraw from this post sometimes made its way into my mind – even dish duty had to be better than this – but I quickly banished it. I was not about to let Levi and whatever persistent problem he had ruin this opportunity for me.

Faster than I'd realized, the final day before our mission was upon us. It began much as it usually did, basic accountability and relaying what training was in store for them. I actually welcomed the practice, especially with my ODM gear; it was like activating a muscle memory I didn't know I had. It was evident that whatever version of me that had been here this whole time knew what they were doing, at least well enough to make it this far. That helped to soothe my ever-worrisome mind about how the next day might go. The nerves were a little noticeable among the new squad members, too. While they still laughed and messed around, the air among them was more serious now, hyper focused on the tasks at hand and doubling up on exercises when and where they could.

Levi released them early in the afternoon to clean their living quarters, organize their gear, and further prepare for what awaited us the next day. Unsurprisingly he didn't directly speak to me, but I wasn't about to let this one go any longer. I hadn't gotten a chance to continue the conversation I tried to start the other day but time was running out and I was determined to see it through. Not that anyone wants to think that way, but things happen and change so quickly beyond the walls – this isn't exactly how I wanted to leave what little relationship I had with the man, worst case scenario.
I followed behind him as he retreated upstairs once his team dispersed. He hadn't looked at me, but I know he knew I was still there. Even with everything being as weird as it was between us, he held the door open for me when we finally arrived back at his office. I entered and took a seat, waiting for him to join. Levi took his time making his way behind his desk, moving painfully slowly to settle in and kicking my anxiety even more into overdrive. He sat down and leaned forward onto his desk, lacing his fingers together. Almost reluctantly, his eyes met mine after a few moments.

"Comfortable?"
He raised an eyebrow, unsure where I was going. "Sure. What exactly is it I can do for you?"
"I am so glad you asked," I took a breath before continuing, crossing my legs and putting my folded hands in my lap. "We're going to get to the bottom of whatever this weirdness is between us."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he countered almost too quickly.
"Oh, you don't? So you haven't been ignoring me ever since the other night in the kitchen?"
"No."
"Hmm, that is so odd," I remarked sarcastically. "Because I almost thought things were going well here and it's like we've taken several hundred steps backwards instead."
"That sounds like a 'you' issue," he deadpanned. "I'd do a little introspection and go from there."
My patience with him was wearing thin. For weeks, I'd been restraining myself and holding back from returning the snarky energy to keep the peace, and now it looks like it had all been for nothing. I felt myself wanting to strike, but I placed my hands on either side of my head and calmed myself before speaking again as one more good faith effort.
"Levi," I almost sounded like I was pleading, and maybe in a way, I was. "I hate this. Can't you just tell me what's wrong?"
"Tch, why are you so insistent that something is wrong?"
"Because it's a little obvious? Our dynamic in the past week alone has done a complete 180."
"The only thing wrong here is you."
I couldn't hold back anymore. I jumped out of my chair and slammed my hands down on the wooden desktop. "God, why can't you let someone actually give a damn about you?"
He let out a scornful huff. "You can't be serious. Is that what you're trying to do here?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that much was obvious."
"Forgive me, I'm not terribly familiar. What part of 'giving a damn about someone' includes waking up one day and acting like everything between you never happened?"
I felt my knit eyebrows relax slightly, recoiling a bit at not just what he said, but how he said it; there was an undertone of what sounded like betrayal in his words. I tried to dial my approach back when I spoke next. "What... what do you mean?"
"You brought it up, let's talk about the other night in the kitchen then," Levi challenged. "You are the one that told me all that time ago that sharing about your dad was hard for you. You are the one that let me in on that part anyway. And you are the one who somehow had no recollection of that ever happening within the last week."