Deviate | Levi Ackerman x OC

Ch. 41

After making it to his bedroom, we settled back into our routine, which was fortunately far easier to do here than back at the cabin. Levi had retrieved food from the mess hall and although I didn't eat much of it, I felt less and less on edge the more we resumed normalcy. We didn't talk very much but the silence was nice in its own way. When we finally climbed into bed, he reached out and pulled me over to him. I laid my head on his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat like music to my ears. One of his hands ran through my hair while the other rested on top of my own. It was thanks to him that I was feeling more like myself again, little by little, after that mission that made me feel like a stranger in my own body. I heard him clear his throat quietly.

"Ace," he finally said, more matter-of-factly than questioning. I turned my head to look up at him, raising an eyebrow slightly. His eyes were full of resolve but absent of any anger or harsh emotion. I knew immediately where this was headed but wanted to hear him come out and say it. "I think it's time we talk."
"We've been talking all day," my attempt at sarcasm fell rather short and I gritted my teeth and diverted my gaze as soon as that came tumbling out.
"Astrid," Levi was serious, grabbing a hold of my chin between his thumb and index finger to make me look at him again. "I know we did somewhat last night but you're still having a hard time. So please, let me help – or at least try."
I took a moment but eventually nodded my head. I caught him in a makeshift side hug before letting go and laying up on my side next to him. I knew this was coming but I still somehow felt ill-prepared now that it's arrived. He could be right, though; I was feeling better as time went on but something told me I wasn't going to achieve real peace until I did something about this.
Levi watched me carefully but remained patient, content to let me spearhead this conversation further. He took one of my hands in his, tracing those comforting circles I'd come to love.

"I met someone, like I was supposed to," I began, choosing my words carefully. "Well, initially met a nice but awkward private but that was quickly intercepted. By some military police captain with an inflated ego and complete disregard for others, of course."
He remained quiet, allowing me the time and space to continue as I saw fit.
"I knew that was part of this mission going into it, ya know. The drinking, the inauthentic leading on, the sloppy flirting – I wasn't completely naive. As much as he was lying to me for his desired end goal, I was doing just as much on my end, too. Just with a very different result in mind."
"Naturally," he added with a straight face. I'm not sure if it was his intention, but his off handed commentary actually helped alleviate my anxiety around this topic.
"As things progressed, he suggested we go back to his office for... whatever was next on his agenda. And I begrudgingly agreed – that was the whole reason I'd gone there, after all. Well, not that obviously, but whatever intel I was going to get was more likely to come from there than a tavern."
I took a short break and sighed deeply then. I knew I could talk to him about anything but this was weighing very heavy on me; getting to the other side was challenging, but necessary.

"I– if I'm being totally honest, I hadn't thought that far ahead. Obviously going back to 'someone's place' comes with certain... expectations. I just hadn't pictured myself in that part of it or really plan for how I'd handle it. And as the drinks went down and down and down, I kind of assumed it eventually would have some kind of effect. But it just... didn't. It almost seemed to embolden him, making him more confident in how he..."
Levi cleared his throat then, shaking his head after. "Sorry."
"Don't be," I assured him, gathering my thoughts. It took me a minute to put the words together but I eventually pushed through. "... I really thought I was going to have to do it. Even if I didn't outwardly agree, he was ready and working on simply taking it. What other option did I have? There was no way I was walking out without... 'paying up', so to speak. I was deep in the lion's den, surrounded by his allies, underlings, and weapons. I had no other option. Until... until somehow one appeared."
He squeezed my hand then, holding my gaze.
"Levi," I wasn't sure he'd ever actually tell me, but I had to try anyway. "How did you do that? Like, how could you have possibly known?"
He pursed his lips as he considered his response, briefly breaking eye contact. "I, uh... saw you," he looked hesitant to fill me in. "Once we dropped you off, I helped the team get started on their way back before returning to the city myself. Hange had shown me the information they'd put together and shared with you, so I had an idea of the main points. As much as you swore my 'reputation' preceded me, I was able to fly undetected easily enough."
He paused, seeming conflicted. He side glanced at me to gauge my reaction, but I waited patiently for him to continue; I don't think words would formulate even if I wanted them to.